I woulds love to adopt my girlfriends three year old child .I am a female and the farther is not in the child life in anyway.. so we world love to have a family together. What should we do

ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

You NEED to consult a Family Law attorney in your area. Any adoption will require the father's permission. And same sex adoptions are still not common, it depends on the laws in your area.

Whoops sorry, missed the Wash DC reference.

I do believe same sex adoption is allowed in DC. But there are special attorney groups that do specialize in it, since there is still some levels of discrimination.

Next the father still has rights, so he will need to be found and asked to sign over his rights to allow the adoption.
** does not matter if he has had no contact. I will assume he does not pay support, since support is considered a form of contact

From this site:
HRC | Adoption Laws: State by State

Permits a same-sex co-parent to petition to adopt partner’s child or child of the relationship? Yes.
In the same 1995 case, the appellate court ruled that a same-sex co-parent can petition to adopt the child of his or her partner or child of the relationship. (In re M.M.D. 662 A.2d 837 (D.C. 1995))

So it appears the court will accept your petition, but they will make the decision based on your specific circumstances. These could include home stability, father's permission, etc.

So you still need an attorney.