12 months ago, I was a happy 19 year old gay guy, I live in a small town, and I had many many close friends, my education was going perfect, I seemed to have it all, but then 'he' came into my life a guy I began dating and getting to know for sound 4 month, maybe 5, he made me smile, he made me happy and he just made me feel special, something I've never felt before, although I wasn't in love with him, he became very impatient, and I was real scared of the commitment, not knowing what I wanted I could see him slowly slipping out of my life, we began to argue and everything became awkward, I almost gave it a go, but got scared, I got lonely, and ended up deleting him off social networkin accounts such as Facebook hoping that everything will calm down, it didn't and a year later I'm sat here in tears I've tried so hard to move on and I cant, I've realised who my real friends are, I've pushed more people out of my life, I'm truly alone, I really need some kind of closure to move on with my life, but I can't do this without manning up and messaging him, I think he's moved on, found someone else, why can't I move on? Not like I was in love with him? I'm losing it, I just can't seem to get on with my life anymore, why was he so important? Why can't I move on? Where has my confidence gone? On top of all this I began listening to my insecurities and its dragged me into a rut of where I go to college, come home and lock myself away, I'm a mess, people tell me I'm perfect, and I'm really not, its past 1am and I want to email him :( I miss him. How do I turn the tables to get some closure and fix my life.

How about getting off the emotional roller coaster, the ride is over so, put yourself first again, and take back responsibility for your own happiness. That's how you man up.

OBVIOUSLY you were lying to yourself about how much you care for the guy, so stop. Be honest with yourself, know you are hurt, and do something good for yourself.

If he hadn't been in such a hurry he could have had a great partner, but its his loss, let him live with it. You have better things to do, and people to see, and bridges to mend. Get busy!! You have work to do for you, so handle your business, and cry later.

Makes no sense feeling sorry for yourself, and sitting on a pity pot when you have a world to conquer, and a throne to build.

I would like to warn you of the length of this message- it seems pretty long, but it is really focused on helping you and making you feel better. I encourage you to read this or skim through it, as I did put a lot of thought into trying to help you. Thanks! :)
Even though you say you were not in love with him, it seems like you did really care for him- and still do. What I suggest is to email him, but just ask him how he's doing. You could also ask him to meet you somewhere for coffee or something just to catch up with him. What I think from reading your story is that your confidence has gone way down because you can't seem to get over him. I think emailing him and catching up with him would bring your confidence back up a little bit. I do not mean to give you a Bible lesson here, but what I am noticing is you said you have begun listening to your insecurities. This sounds like the devil trying to get you down- and it seems to be working. Let me just say here that if you are a follower of God already, pray to Him and ask Him to help you- and He will. Everything will work out in time. I do not know if you are on of God's followers, but if you are not, I would suggest you become a follower. He can help you fight this and get your life back on track. If you just pray to him and ask Him into your life to be your Saviour, He will come into your life and help you through every obstacle you face. All you have to do is pray and ask for His help and He will be there for you. I would also like to let you know you are never alone! God is always with you! :) I would like to leave you with my favorite Bible verse- 2nd Corinthians 5:17- "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone; the new has come." This message was really focusing on making you feel better, and hopefully answering your question! Sorry for the length! I really hope this helps! :)

No, any future contact is not what you need. And what closure, it is closed, you need now just move on