I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and almost everything in our relationship is perfect. He makes me really happy most of the time but lately sex has become a fight-starter way too often. He started a new job a few months ago and I totally understand that it is very demanding and he is tired a lot. But he doesn't seem to understand that I have physical needs too... it just seems like there is always some excuse he has to not be intimate. And he won't ever mess around with me because he is afraid it will lead to sex (yes he has said this). It is just so frustrating and I don't know what to do anymore. I love him and he says he loves me but I feel like I have to beg for his attention all the time. He gets angry when I try to make a move on him and I can't even remember the last time he made a move on me. We used to have sex all the time but now it's a rare occurrence. I try wearing sexy lingere and sending him sexy emails and texts but he just ignores me or gets angry. I feel like I am not good enough for him anymore or that there is just something wrong with me. Advice? Please...

How old are you and your boyfriend?

I am 19 and he is 23

You know what? I'm the one in your boyfriend's shoes.

What you are doing is creating an ungodly amount of pressure to have sex, and you're DEMANDING it from him, because "you have needs".

Due to a stressful job and medical issues, I have had little to no sex drive in the last year and a half or so. I'm tired ALL of the time. The LAST thing on my mind is sex. It got to the point where my husband and I almost divorced over it, because he saw it like you--his needs weren't being met. I see it like your boyfriend and don't even want to touch or be touched sometimes because it ALWAYS comes back to the sex thing... and when I'm not feeling well, tired, and stressed from work, I just am not in the mood for sex.

Here's my advice: Back the hell off. STOP trying to induce sex. Instead, try to create intimacy in your relationship WITHOUT ANY expectation of sex. NONE.

You're CONTRIBUTING to him not wanting sex. If you want him to want it more, you need to back off.

Well I have never demanded it from him and don't pressure him that's why I'm here. I'm just tired of feeling ignored I have needs other than sex and he doesn't have medical problems so that doesn't really help.

But he IS tired from his new job, right? And stressed?

Have you TALKED to him, quietly and calmly when you're NOT upset about being rejected? Have you asked him to please give you some touching--like cuddling on the couch or holding hands?

Even before my medical issues got bad, I was workign so many hours and stressed so horribly over my job that when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was have ANOTHER job of keeping my husband happy.

Of course, that's not what it is, and I understand he needs attention from me. But the DEMAND for it, even when it comes in the form of withdrawing or being sad or angry, made it just one more thing I had to get done in my day.

I seriously suggest counseling so that you can see where each other are coming from.

I have tried talking to him but no matter how calm I am he gets defensive so I usually just back off... I asked him if he would see a counselor with me because he has talked about marriage and I do not want this to be an issue long term... He just says he doesn't believe in counseling which I don't understand. My sister and her fiancé saw a counselor and it helped them 100%. He is tired from his job but he still goes out for drinks 2-3 nights a week with coworkers which is fine just makes it even more frustrating when he comes home and passes out. We barely spend time together anymore too because I am still in school and working too... Its just hard and I don't know what to do because I don't want to seem demanding but when I don't talk to him about my needs and feelings I end up sad or mad at myself.

Starting a new job is tough. Some jobs are so physically/mentally demanding that coming home and having to fulfill another role (sex partner) is too much. Instead of focusing on your sexual needs, why don't you try and alleviate his stress a little bit? On the nights that he comes home after work instead of going out, you could cook him dinner, rent a good movie, and give him a foot rub. Make it about his relaxation, and nothing else.

I understand the need for intimacy, but sometimes you have to let someone get used to change in their life. If you're patient and understanding, he will relax into his new life and be able to focus on intimacy again.

Or, if it's too much or it's been too long and you cannot take it anymore, then you need to decide if this relationship is worth it to you. The bottom line is you can't and shouldn't pressure him into sex if he is not wanting it.