Horrible Person... What Should I Do?
OK... I already accept that what I am about to talk about is horrible, and that I'm a horrible person for it. I already know that, so could you please not rag on me about how terrible I am? I just need some advice... HERE WE GO!.
I've been married a little over 3 years now. For forum purposes, let's just call my husband Bob. I haven't been attracted to Bob in a little over a year. He's not a bad guy at all. He's amazing, but it feels more like living with a room mate who is also a best friend with benefits. I have tried to break things off with Bob and get a divorce already. Not very hard obviously, since we are still married. We have a 2 year old daughter together. We love her so much.
Here is where it gets bad... I have been seeing someone else for the last 5 months. I have known this person for over 10 years. We'll call him Fred. I've come to love Fred and am actually IN love with Fred, and he loves and is in love with me. I want to go to Fred's house and cook and clean and spend time with Fred more than I do with Bob. I would rather spend time with Fred then come home to Bob. Fred knows that I am married to Bob. Bob knows that I hang out with Fred, but does not know the extent of the relationship with him.
Here is where it gets worse... I just found out that I'm 9 and a half weeks pregnant. I do not know who's child it is. During sex with Bob, we do not use any kind of protection or pull out method. During sex with Fred, we use the pull out method EVERY TIME. However, I have sex with Fred more than I do with Bob.
It is not fair for me to keep living a lie or making Bob live a lie. It is just hurting us both. I have tried to break things off with Bob and get a divorce, because it just feels like having a best friend as a roommate with benefits. As being a wife and husband, I just don't feel it anymore. I love Bob, but I am not IN love with him anymore.
What should I do? Like I said, I know what I am doing is terrible and that I'm a horrible person for this. So please don't call me names or verbally beat me up for this. I do that to myself already!