Back in October, I dumped my girlfriend of 2.5 years for a few reasons. My gut was telling me something that I ignored for too long when the signs were all there. I never knew if she was actually cheating but I couldn't handle the stress of not knowing and being led on. Plus she was closing herself off and I was growing tired of all the nonsense. She was basically letting the relationship die and treating me like I wasn't worth much anymore. So eventually I did what she couldn't and I ended the relationship. She seemed indifferent but was obviously upset. No doubt a manipulation tactic. Anyway, she started no contact and has blamed me for everything since. She's compartmentalized memories of us and me which is nothing new as she does this with everyone in her life to some extent. Never having to deal with the fact that she is flawed, never owning up to the truth.

Anyway, it's been 6 months since the breakup and for the most part I'm basically over her. The only time I've spoken to her since the breakup was a letter I sent three weeks after, to which she replied that she didn't know what the future held but that she still loved me and to not contact her anymore. Oddly enough, our lives are moving parallel to each other and I still have things of hers that I'd like to return before my trip around the world. I did a lot of thinking after the relationship and I always thought that we were better as friends. When ever we weren't pressuring each other or expecting anything of each other and just having a good time talking and hanging out we were amazing. And I think more than anything what I miss most, even more than the sex, is just sitting next to her in a park late at night and talking to her about music or life.

So I was wondering if maybe before I leave for my trip I should contact her to maybe see if she'd want to rebuild at least a line of communication. I don't know what she's going through, but knowing that she never dealt with the breakup properly she may not be receptive to it. But I don't have any ulterior motives. I'm basically over the past and I have no plans on even bringing it up into conversation with her. I just want to see her and talk to her before I leave for my trip, give her back some things, and maybe slowly start to rebuild a basic friendship. I mean she really was someone that I admired, despite her flaws and I've done a lot of growing since because of her. I have a lot of friends and girls have thrown themselves at me so it's not like I'm lonely and trying to get back with her. I just want to rebuild something, see if maybe we can reconnect.

Is this a good idea? Should I at least try? Mentally, I believe I'm prepared for an encounter after a year (which will be in six months). I'm more concerned with how she's doing and how her life has been since so talks of the past will not be brought up. I'm not doing this for closure either. I have closure. I've come to terms with the fact that she'll never offer me any truth as to why it didn't work. I have no motives. Like I said, I'm not expecting anything from her. But I just want to see if I can reconnect with her because she was always a good friend.

Thanks.

I say no, let sleeping dogs lie.

Find someone else to connect with and have late night conversations with about music and life.

I wouldn't.

Focus on your own life and let the past rest.

It's a lousy idea. You are just curious, and full of questions, and assumptions about what she is doing thinking and all that other BS that makes the idea look good to you. Keep going forward, and don't look back on what was.

Well, one year will be in October and in January I'll be leaving for a round the world trip. So it's not like I'm trying to get back together with her and I'm denying those feelings. I tend to be pretty honest with myself. I just think despite all the issues we may have had she was an important person in my life and since I'm going to be moving and working around the world anything could happen to me and I just wanted to talk to her face to face one more time before I left. I really always thought we were better as friends and there were numerous occasions where that was proven throughout the relationship. I know you're all saying I'm being dishonest with myself and that I just want closure, but I seriously am over it. I can think about her with other guys and it doesn't bother me. I've been to a lot of the same old places we used to go without ill feelings and I can listen to music and watch movies that we shared together with issues. So really would it hurt to take a chance. Of course, another 6 months still has to pass and I'm not really sure what the mental stage will look like then. But there are things of hers that I want to get back to her even if she wants nothing more than to just receive them and walk away.

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Originally Posted by BuriedThrice

Well, one year will be in October and in January I'll be leaving for a round the world trip. So it's not like I'm trying to get back together with her and I'm denying those feelings. I tend to be pretty honest with myself. I just think despite all the issues we may have had she was an important person in my life and since I'm gonna be moving and working around the world anything could happen to me and I just wanted to talk to her face to face one more time before I left. I really always thought we were better as friends and there were numerous occasions where that was proven throughout the relationship. I know you're all saying I'm being dishonest with myself and that I just want closure, but I seriously am over it. I can think about her with other guys and it doesn't bother me. I've been to a lot of the same old places we used to go without ill feelings and I can listen to music and watch movies that we shared together with issues. So really would it hurt to take a chance. Of course, another 6 months still has to pass and I'm not really sure what the mental stage will look like then. But there are things of hers that I want to get back to her even if she wants nothing more than to just receive them and walk away.

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I would say, if she wanted those few things, she would have asked for them already. She told you politely not to contact her-I would respect her wishes.

You are still acting on the emotions that are left over from this breakup.

That's why you leave this alone and keep doing your thing.

It's over-accept it.

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Anyway, she started no contact and has blamed me for everything since. She's compartmentalized memories of us and me which is nothing new as she does this with everyone in her life to some extent. Never having to deal with the fact that she is flawed, never owning up to the truth.

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That should be good enough for anyone. Let sleeping dogs lie.