I am a cancer girl very much interested in a virgo man. We have been on three dates through a dating service and each date went very well and we were both always looking forward to the next. We had great conversations, lot's in common, same goals, etc. So the first two dates I was nervous and didn't feel like myself 100%, but of course gave honest answers. However, in those first two dates it did feel like an interview at dinner, but still had fun. So the third date went much better, felt more relaxed because we were at a more causal restaurant. We had made future plans to hang out and everything seemed great until he kissed me when dropping me off (this was the first kiss). There were no sparks. I didn't give it much thought because I thought well, it was the first kiss after a series of interviews so of course there aren't going to be immediate sparks... we've never gone out doing an activity to be able to get a little more flirty. So.. try to make the story short, he called me and said that I was great, thinks we have a lot in common and have have fun together, but he was surprised that there wasn't romantic chemistry between us and was really hoping this would turn into something. I understand that's OK, move on, I'm not going to change his mind. My question is, in the dating scene do you think that's really fair? Two complete strangers going on interviews and expecting fireworks the first kiss? I understand that does happen with few people, some people take time, and for others it will never happen. In this case, I really do believe that given more time this could have gone somewhere. Readers.. what do you think? Also, if you are into astrology, apparently we are the perfect pair.

No such thing as fair in love and war, or life. Either you both want to give it a shot, or you don't. He don't, so the starts were wrong in this case.

I don't put any stock in astrology but based on the rest of your post, would say that for some people, an immediate spark is important. Fairness has nothing to do with finding a partner really - they either see you as someone they want to pursue a relationship with or they don't. You chose not to push the issue with him or say, "you know, I have still been a bit nervous - have you? I like you so much - let's go out, cut loose and don't worry whether it ends romantically or not - if nothing else we'll have fun, and we'll at least find out if it's just nerves". Since you didn't do that, you'll never know and will just have to wait and see what's in store for you, either with him later, or with someone else.

When he did tell me I told him that I understand and would like to still remain friends because we truly did get along very well. I'm hoping that perhaps after hanging out as friends maybe something will happen between us. If not at least I have made a new friend. He felt the same way that he would like to remain friends and we have made plans to hang out Friday night just casual. I guess my next question then is, can someone's romantic chemistry change? I think it can, so we'll see...

Slow down will you? Less than 3 weeks ago you were trying to get your ex back, and now you want to get your new date back. If you are going to get back in the dating scene, you better have more experience, and more reasonable expectations, especially online, or through a dating service.

First time out since the break up huh? Doubt you find a replacement romance that fast. And people are not who they seem after a few first dates, no matter how great YOU think they are. Be careful, and cautious.

Lol! I realized that my ex is an idiot.. we've been broken up now for four months and I thought to myself, why do I want to be with someone that isn't working hard to be with me. Once I realized that the sun came out and birds started to chirp :) I have been out with a few guys since the break up and I suppose this one is the first guy where I was truly impressed by him and thought wow. But, you are right.. later on he could turn out to be a jerk, who knows, I guess I would have at least liked to have found that out and had a "fair chance" For now we will be friends and whatever happens, happens

Astrology is not an exact science unfortunately. If it were accurate in predicting successful relationships, we wouldn't have a divorce rate of 50%.

I also think that chemistry, and sparks are highly over-rated. That too is about as accurate a method of predicting the success of a relationship as Astrology. To expect sparks or chemistry after a few dates, as a precursor to a successful relationship, is not realistic. Nor is an interview sort of situation. That somehow if you get less than 50% on the answers, you aren't suitable.

They are all shortcuts with so little substance to them, yet this potential boyfriend of yours doesn't bother to take the time to learn about you as a person, with thoughts, feelings, ambitions, character, etc. It's sort of like going into a car dealership and giving the salesperson a list of what you want in a car. He matches up your list with a car, so you take it for a spin around the block and discover that the four litre engine just doesn't cut it. So, despite the list all adding up to that particular car, the car just wasn't suitable.

He should leave what 'qualifies' behind, and instead be mature enough to realize that he's going to have to take a chance that any new investment will take time, and that the lack of horsepower might not be as important as getting 10,000 miles to the gallon.

You have to be friends first. Before anything else. Who that person is cannot be measured on any sort of scale, and to short change yourself because the initial spark wasn't there and discard the possiblitiy of a relationship because of it, will rob you of some really good possibilities.

I see far too much sexual energy connections, that result in a lot of bed bouncing, but little else after that initial euphoria wears away. People wonder why relationships don't last when they put the cart before the horse and expect it to run for the next 20 years. It just doesn't work that way.

While you have to measure in some way, whether the person is compatible, try to put the sparks theory in your back pocket, and instead look at the person, and get to know them. (as old fashioned as that sounds).

Anything worth having, is worth working for.

LOVE your answer! I couldn't agree more! Now that we have decided to be friends maybe things will change between us, but if not, at least I have made a new friend.

Since you had a bad breakup just months ago, I recommend you just generally socialize and don't worry about finding a new boyfriend. Try the "friends first" approach and focus on building a strong group of friends so you don't feel you have to be part of a couple, and take some time to figure out what you've done in past relationships that didn't work. I work for a divorce lawyer and have to tell you that if our clients took the time to know what was important to them before they got into serious relationships, marriages or had babies with people outside of marriage, we would not have any work. As it is, we see these people who were so set on having a relationship, they compromised both in the standards they had for their own behavior and in what they accepted from others. So take your time and be really healthy and happy in your life before you try to involve someone else in it.

My suggestion is that you set up get togethers - have a party at your home (no excessive drinking - never ends wel), or get a bunch of people together to go to a concert, or have a dinner party and just invite random fun people you know. You'll have fun, people will view you as a fun and positive person to be around, and you'll attract better people. You could invite this guy to the party without making it a date, and tell him to feel free to bring a friend or two if he likes.

Best wishes.