All 3 threads merged for the whole story.


This guy Ive been seeing for over a month now has started ignoring my text and when I finally get one back he say that "he enjoys hes own company, and likes his own space"

Ok don't we all. I just feel like I've had to put in all the effort to make it work. I tried ringing him and blocked my number he picked up. He sounded annoyed when he found out it was me and said he was busy. Then I got the message about the space thing.

Ok you probably think I'm too clingy but if u think one message a day is then maybe I am.

I met this guy of a dating website and when he was drunk we put music on his computer, up popped a dating chatroom. I brushed it off and he deleted it in front of me without me asking.

I kind of don't know what to. I lack confidence. I've gained weight after my mum passed away 3 years ago. Do I put up with someone that doesn't make the effort or go and be on my own?. Help

You guys have only dated for a month, so this could just be a small problem that are so common in budding relationships.

But the fact that he was on a dating chatroom and the text about wanting space might mean that he's not that into you and might be considering moving on to someone else.

I suggest that you try to talk to him about this, and ask him to put in more effort. If he continues ignoring you, I hope you dump him. If you do decide to break up, become more confident in yourself. It seems you are self-conscious and worried that you might not find another man. If you feel bad about gaining weight, either embrace your curves or start exercising. Exercise can also be a "helping tool" to help you forget about this guy.

Wish you luck in whatever choice you make!

Sammy dating is often not easy or fair. I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. You say that you are lacking confidence and probably self-esteem. Put this guy on the back burner and concentrate on learning to love yourself. You will learn that you don't need some loser who doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart. Keep your chin up, look in your mirror and learn to love the positive aspects you possess. Love often comes when you're not looking for it, but keep positive and learn to like yourself--confidence comes from within. Good luck and hope only good things will come your way.

I feel so very alone. I'm with a man that ignores my messages I'm so down.

I suffer with depression and have been on anti depressants for 5 years I'm 23. I lost my mum very suddenly. She was an alcoholic and was very tempremental.

I'm finding it hard to cope. My weight has increased hugely with comfort eating.

The guy I've been seeing he just ignores me. I text him he never replies.

I seem to let men treat me like complete rubbish and I think that's what I deserve.

I was in a previous relationship and he sexually assaulted me.

I'm finding it harding it hard to cope I just want to be loved. No one wants me. :,-(

Help

You've come to the right place. WE want you!

Have you been seeing a counselor along the way?

Disappear from his life.

You can't say that no one wants you. You just haven't met the person who does.

Losing a loved one, even if there were problems in the relationship, even if the person was flawed, is difficult and painful and the pain goes on for a very long time. It sounds to me like you are grieving. On top of that you have an inattentive boyfriend.

I was widowed - you turned to food for comfort. I turned away from food. There's no middle ground, it seems.

Has someone re-evaluated you concerning the anti-depressants? New drugs are placed on the market all the time. Maybe it's time for you to seek a change.

And, yes, counselling can open a lot of otherwise closed doors.

It sounds as though he is not interested in anything too serious. Either enjoy what time you spend with him, and be open to dating others as well, or move on if you are wanting something exclusive.

Don't waste any more time on him.

For whatever reasons,he's made himself unavailable.

Return 'the compliment'.

It seems like the main problem is you. "You are doing this, you are doing that, you are also doing this,... ETC." It is understandable for you to have to cope with the loss of your mother, I have not had to go through that yet, and I would not even like to imagine how it would be, so for that I am sorry. Your weight has increased because of comfort eating, maybe it would be healthy to do some exercise, if you found comfort in something else (such as exercise or reading a book) maybe you would regain back your shape. You are ONLY 23 so losing weight should not be a difficult task, it is however, like anything else that is worth it in this world, going to take time and effort. If you are with a guy who doesn't even want to talk to you, then kick him to the curb and remain single for a while, in the meantime, try to improve different aspects of your life. If you seem to let men treat you badly, then STOP... make them respect you, you do not NEED them, you might want them, but you will survive without them, so why allow them to hold the whip? If you were in a previous relationship and he assaulted you I hope you put him behind bars, and if you didn't don't worry, karma will do its job and pay him back with the same coin. However, you cannot allow your experiences to poison the rest of your life. You think that no one wants you, be realistic and put yourself in the shoes of others, wouldn't you agree that your negative outlook at things and your depression scare people away? Would you want to be friends with yourself? If your answer is no, then we have a problem, you want something but do not have the right mindset to accomplish it. It is like someone wanting to run a marathon but too lazy to get off the couch. How do you solve this issue of yours? You change the way you think, try to think of activities to increase your positivity hidden inside of you. Try different things, for example, try to find 1-3 positive things (no matter how small) that happened to you in a certain day. At first you might not be able to find any, then maybe one, and successively a couple more. Eventually, you will have more positive things to say about your day than negative. Then maybe you can work on your weight, and maybe even go out and be adventurous enough to go meet new people that can join that positive wave you will have going. Remember that YOU are the only one that decides how your life will be lived, so choose a positive life not a life embraced in depression and self pity.

If you ever need any encouragement, tell us of your progress on a daily or maybe weekly basis, there are more than enough people in this forum that will vouch for you to come out of the hole that you are allowing yourself to fall in at the moment. Enjoy your life!

Good Luck,
Javi

This guy I have been seeing. I've fell for... Hard. Although he's not been the nicest guy to me. He told me he needed so time to think and get his head straight. I've just come back off holiday and now he's no longer talking to me. He's completely ignoring me. I don't want to seem like a stalker and hound him with text I just want him to tell me straight. I suffer with depression and my confidence is low. I can't stop crying. What can I do?

Have you seen a doctor, or grief counselor yet? That would be the place to start, and leaving this guy alone as you deal with your issues is CRUCIAL to your making any progress at all. Is there a family member or close friend that you can rely on for help, and support?

When your post were merged it became obvious you are kind of stuck, and don't seem to take the advice you were given so I hope you do get the right help. Again, leave the guy alone period, he can't help, nor does he want to.

His silence is your answer and you must find the tools to start moving on.

Counseling is a good idea,as is spending time with people who care for you.

Sammy, I just read your merged thread and I notice that you seem to be looking for a place to vent instead of get advice.

Have you read anything that has been posted or do you make a new thread and ignore the ones you previously posted?

One of the things that I like about AMHD (AskMeHelpDesk) is that we respond to each individual. While you are pretty much anonymous, you are not a number or screen full of words. I know I am not a computer program and do not think that you are one either. So, why don't you try responding to what has been posted so that we can make certain that you get advice that will hopefully work for you.

Like the others responding to your posts, I think you need to stop trying to build a relationship with him and work on building one with yourself.

I firmly believe that self confidence, dignity, and happiness all come from within ourselves. We have to find those qualities inside ourselves and build them up. Relationships with other people should enhance what is already there. Counseling can help you learn how to build a strong foundation so that you aren't looking for validation of your positive aspects from other people.

One way to really give yourself an ego boost is to help someone else. Another is to learn something new.

You might find that going to Al-anon (or a support group like it) might help. It is for family members of those who are/were addicted to drugs and alcohol. The people there would have a very good understanding of what you have been through and are still experiencing.

Do your interactions with the person you call your boyfriend mimic your relationship with your mother? One lesson we learn growing up is how to interact with others. If our parents were not emotionally or physically available and we felt the need to beg for attention and affection, we tend to think that is how all relationships should be and we keep repeating that pattern in our lives. You shouldn't have to beg for a moment of anyone's time. I think you are ready to break that pattern if you give yourself a chance and the tools to do so.

When you are stronger and have solid foundation to stand on, I think you find someone who enhances all of the positive qualities inside you and who will be there for you.

Thank you. I've finally walked away from him.

I have been listening to people advice and I'm grateful to everyone that's given there advice and opinion.

I've just applied to do some volunteering with NSCCP I'm hoping I can get it.

I don't feel stronger and my confidence hasn't gotten any better.

I still miss my mum and I'm still selfharming.

Thanks for the advice.

I am very glad that you are letting him go and I hope you get the volunteer work that you applied for.

Small steps add up. As you find things you enjoy and get positive feedback, it will help you change how you see yourself.

Are you talking to a counselor and/or seeing a doctor?

Good luck and take care of yourself.

Once you get stronger, you will be ready to date again.

Keep doing things to make yourself better and happier. You need to find happiness within yourself before you can look for happiness elsewhere.