Ask Me Help Desk - FiancŽ needs money advice

I don't know if I should be asking this here or the financial section of this site, but regardless I need help.

My fiancé has always had some issues with credit cards. He would rack up a bill and then make minimum payments. That is just not my way of living. I don't want it to take 20 years to pay off a card without even making anymore purchases and getting charged thousands of dollars of interest.

In the past year I have convinced him that he needs to STOP using the credit card and make the most maximum payments he can until it is paid off. Well it took a lot of coaxing but he finally paid it off at the end of February when he got his tax return. So I thought everything would be good with it and we would have no further problems... I was wrong!

We visited his parents who he only sees twice a year and in a couple days of time they completely wrecked all the knowledge I had instilled in him. The convinced him that he needs to put everything he buys on the credit card so he can get points. What really convinced him was his father had 30,000 points and now he gets a free one way plane flight to anywhere in the 48 states. My finance thinks this is amazing and he has decided that he wants to start racking up points so he can get rewards. What he doesn't understand is his father had to spend $30,000 to get those points and will end up paying for that one way plane flight in a year in interest! His parents also convinced him that he really only needs to make minimum payments on his card. They say that the reason there are minimum payments on credit cards is for you to only make those payments. I am 100% against ALL this advice.

He has already racked up $1200 on his card since March 25 and he has absolutely no intention of paying more than $18 per month. I don't know how to get through to him again. It was so difficult the first time and now everything that I taught him is down the toilet. Also I can't say anything bad about what his family said because anytime I say anything that could be even remotely construed as being mean or rude to his family he blows up on me and we get in EPIC fights. So I have learned to not even bring up his family.

What do I do??

If he cannot be shown the math and understand how it is suicide to do the minimum payment plan,. he should not be in charge of anything to do with the finances.

Or you can spend your entire life trying to keep up with the credit card bills.
The minimum payment plan is so you never get it paid off.
Income for life, for the company.

I completely understand what you are saying. The only debt I have is one card with 0% interest for x amount of months that doesn't have to be paid off till June of 2012 (and I only have $80 left to pay) and my house payment. I know credit is bad I just don't know how to show him. I have amazing credit (my brand new 4 bedroom, 5 bathroom house can prove that). I just don't know how I get him to understand that he can not do what he is doing. I have already told him that before I spend a penny on our wedding, or even start planning it that he must have every cent of his credit card debt paid off, and his credit card account closed. I don't know what else to do!

Quote:

Originally Posted by cllockhart

I completely understand what you are saying. The only debt I have is one card with 0% interest for x amount of months that doesn't have to be paid off till June of 2012 (and I only have $80 left to pay) and my house payment. I know credit is bad I just don't know how to show him. I have amazing credit (my brand new 4 bedroom, 5 bathroom house can prove that). I just don't know how I get him to understand that he can not do what he is doing. I have already told him that before I spend a penny on our wedding, or even start planning it that he must have every cent of his credit card debt paid off, and his credit card account closed. I don't know what else to do!

Maybe if you visit a professional financial planner he may be convinced.

He wants to spend $30,000 to get a plane ticket to the lower 48? I'm sorry but that's insane. If I were you I'd sit down and square this away numerous times before the marriage. The number one reason people site for divorce is financial reasons and if this guy is goingto spend years paying $18 a month, you are headed for divorce.

I think you should demand he take financial classes at your local community college. For that matter there may be some online you can take from you home.

I just need to know how to talk to him so that I am not putting his family down. He can get very offended, very quickly. For instance, if I say his mother said something nice to me, he will come back with "Well yeah, my mom is a nice person. She always says nice things. Why would you make a big deal out of her saying something nice... ect." I have found it much easier in life to not bring his family up at all so we don't get into an argument. This needs to be addressed though so he doesn't end up with a ton of debt that we are unable to pay. Plus it is putting a strain on my checking account because every time we go out and buy anything I insist on paying so that it doesn't go on his credit card.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cllockhart

I just need to know how to talk to him so that I am not putting his family down. He can get very offended, very quickly. For instance, if I say his mother said something nice to me, he will come back with "Well yeah, my mom is a nice person. She always says nice things. Why would you make a big deal out of her saying something nice... ect." I have found it much easier in life to not bring his family up at all so we don't get into an argument. This needs to be addressed though so he doesn't end up with a ton of debt that we are unable to pay. Plus it is putting a strain on my checking account because every time we go out and buy anything I insist on paying so that it doesn't go on his credit card.

Can you tell us exactly what he is bringing to the table here? As an American male one of the reasons I absolutely fear marriage is because I've worked very hard to get what I have and I really don't think it's fair I would have to give half of my assets away in a divorce. Yet, you are a woman, with a man who has no assets, has debt, has no plan to get out or stay out of debt and is apparently offended when people say nice things. I understand when your in love it's hard to see the big picture, but from an outsiders point of view, I don't see how a marriage can work if you are assuming the role of paying for him and his debt while he pays the $18 a month on a credit card.

He does help me out with the house payments. And we also have a child together. I want to be with him, I just want him to realize that what he is doing is just plain stupid.

I don't see anything wrong in using credit cards to make purchases to build up rewards points. He is not paying $30K to get an airplane ticket. The ticket is free.

What is wrong, however, is to just buy things to build up rewards points and/or to spend more than you can afford to pay building up large interest costs.

For example, I use a card which offers rewards points to purchase all my gas and groceries. But I pay the balance in full each month.

So I think you should not be harping on him not to use the cards. But to use them wisely. They should be used only for purchases that are needed. They should be used only when there is money to pay the balances. Or for large ticket items and then the payoff is budgeted for a reasonable time.

You will lose him if you insist that he not use the cards at all. Instead, you need to show him how to use them properly.

Yes that plane ticket can cost more than just buying it outright, if he charges things he doesn't need and racks up interest. But if you were going to buy something anyway, then why not get something back?

The thing is he is not buying things he needs. He feels that a credit card should be used on things you can't afford. So he buys things and doesn't make payments on his card, or if he does they are the minimum payments. Since March when he started using his card again he has not made any payments. I am scared that soon he is going to screw up his credit enough that he will not be able to get loans for anything. I agree that using a credit card is okay if you pay it off. I have a credit card that I use and build up points, but I also pay it off. His family's way of thinking is use a credit card and then you don't have to worry about actually paying for it. He CAN NOT handle using a credit card AT ALL. If he could it would not be an issue. The second he starts using it he decides that he needs a new iPad and a new stereo system for his car and a new laptop and then he doesn't pay or even look at his credit card statements. As soon as he gets a credit card bill in the mail he files it directly into the trash can. It is not working!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by cllockhart

It is not working!!!

Hello c:

I know what you mean... I lived with a girl who I was also in business with. She was like your husband, and WOULDN'T learn from me. I couldn't get her to save. It was NEVER going to happen. So, I started an account and wound up saving $10,000 of OUR money that she NEVER missed...

When I finally TOLD her about it, I THOUGHT that would vindicate MY method of saving for the future... I thought she would be THRILLED to find out she had $10K in the bank. But, nahhhh.. She accused me of STEALING her money to put in the account...

I don't live with her any more.

excon

This is not a man you build a future with. Go through some of the threads about credit and bankruptcy on this site and show him what can happen if he ignores his debts.