I have 2 questions. We are in North Carolina. My daughter & her husband got married in NC but my grandson was born in South Carolina. Sorry if I give too much info, but I see in all these forums where not enough was given
My daughter wants to give up her son for adoption. She was married at the time of his birth and the fathers name in on the birth certificate. They separated when the baby was 3 weeks old. The father has not visited since they left. There has been some communication on the computer/occasional by phone. In some of the communications he insinuates interest in visiting but has never come through. My daughter is receiving welfare services so she has had to file for support which was difficult as the father doesn't really have an address as he doesn't live anywhere. He is homeless as they both were during the majority of her pregnancy, and living on the streets. Child support finally found an address to mail the summons to. That court hearing is coming up this month. I fully expect him not to show up, nor do I expect he would pay support anyhow. It is being based on minimum wage as he is not employed. She wants to know if there is any way she can place the baby for adoption without his consent, as we know he would fight her on it just because he can and it would make her miserable.

The 2nd question, I believe once she has some more time to "grow up" she will regret the decision. She feels she missed a lot, and wants to be able to just go and do what she wants. They live with me currently, but front door is not a revolving door. They moved here so she could get advice/assistance with learning to be a mom. Not for me to be a babysitter at her disposal whenever she wants to go out. I would like to know if there is any way she can give me temporary guardianship of my grandson for say 6 -12 months so that she can revisit her thoughts about the adoption after she has had some time to hopefully grow up. (again this would be without the fathers consent)

This is painful to read. It must be painful for you to live.

No, your daughter cannot put her baby up for adoption without the consent of the father. The reason for this is that no one should adopt a child which can be ripped away when a parent appears and wants the child returned. The parties have to consent. I'm sure you understand.

Yes, your daughter could give you temporary guardianship of the child. She would not need the father's consent BUT he could challenge it if he ever shows up again. Is he capable of caring for the child? Sounds like he is not so whatever he would have to say about getting the child put back in his custody is probably going to be ignored by the Court.

My thought, though, is the child - what will happen if in 6 or 12 months your daughter wants the child back, is still ill equipped to care for him? What happens if in 6 or 12 months your daughter still wants to proceed with the adoption? I see a possibility that the child can be bounced from place to place.

What would I do - I'd contact a Family Law Attorney. Make an appointment for you and your daughter. Get some sound legal advice and go from there.

It's difficult to be the Mom of a single Mom - very! As you say, you end up being the babysitter.

No the father is not capable to care for the child. Im sure his family could if they so desired, but I doubt it. If as you suggest in 6 - 12 month my daughter decided she wanted him back but was unable to care for him, at that time it would have to become a legal issue. I will not allow my grandson to live in danger, or go hungry or anything else that could possibly harm him (intentional or not) nor be bounced around from place to place as you mentioned. If at the end of the time frame she decided she still wanted to go through with the adoption at that time my husband and I would have to make a decision if that is something we are able to do, and if not we do have a family friend who would be very willing.
Also, its not so much that I am worried about being a babysitter. This is my 5th grandchild, and I don't mind babysitting... but I will not have lim left for undetermined amounts of times, without notice, or knowing where she is.

Agreed, she can not put the baby up for adoption without permission of the father ( or a very long and costly court case to take away all of his rights to be allowed to do so)

And I will be blunt, as a grandparent at this point and time you have no say in how the daughter raises her child and if she bounces the child back and forth or where she moves with the grandchild.

You can with the daughters permission get temp guardianship over the child.

Agreed - unless you have legal guardianship you have absolutely no say in how/where this child is raised.

You need legal advice.

If your daughter decides to surrender the child for adoption at some point in the future your thoughts on where the child should be placed could very well be meaningless. For that matter if someone decides to take action and she is declared unable to care for the child it won't be her decision either.

Please do not think I am trying to assist her in placing the baby for adoption without the fathers consent. I have notified her countless times that she cannot do that, in return all I get is screamed at that I won't help her find a way. "people do it all the time" is what she says to me.
As for your next comment about not having any say in how she raises him, I'm sorry but I disagree. They are in my home, and as a RESPONSIBLE adult, it is my place to make sure he is getting the proper care, and not being neglected. For me NOT to do so would make me as guilty of neglect as she is. I don't want to see my grandson taken by CPS wich is exactly what would happen if left to her own vices.
I was simply visiting this site to try and get legal opinion, since she is willing to give me temporary guardianship can we do it without the fathers involvement. Just thought Id see what I could find out before visiting a local atty. Maybe posting on here was a big mistake.

You got legal opinions - you just don't want to hear them.

I have no idea why you are so defensive. Read back - I was on your side.

You asked about legal rights - you have none at this point. Let her scream all she wants. She is incorrect.

Actually if someone takes action against her and my grandsopn is removed, I could very easily get guardianship through DSS. (yes this is something that has been looked into) When there is family willing to take the child who has been removed from its mother that is much preferred over placing the child in forster care.
I will be obtaining legal; advice soon, thought I might get some legal imput here.

Preferred is not guaranteed. It's also on a case by case basis so I have no idea how anyone could guarantee anything.

But, yes, get legal advice and then come back here and correct all of us.

Im sorry, I didn't realize you were an atty. I have never used a site like this and thought if the person responding was a lawyer it would say so. I thought you were giving an opinion (which I was not opposed to, and I didn't feel as though you were against me. I knew you were responding as on my side) I didn't mean to sound defensive with you. My apologies. I know I need legal advice and already have an appt with the atty my other daughter used during her divorce/custody. I have also spoken with people I know at CPS here in our county and have been assured basically that should my grandson be removed by them they always go first to family, as long as they are fit to be care givers. Foster care here is so over full it isn't funny and during my work, I deal with many of them on a regular basis. I just was wanting to avoid them becoming involved because that will make things so much more drawn out, and I think she will do fine given some time. My apology again to you

This is my opinion, and I am NOT an attorney. I'm simply a birthmother.

What happens if you get custody of the child, and in a year your daughter still thinks adoption is the best option. Do you HONESTLY think that you wouldn't fight her on that? She can't choose adoption without the father's consent UNLESS she proves that he is a danger to the child and that it would be in the child's best interests to sever his rights. That's next to impossible to do--but you need an actual attorney working on your case to determine whether this is an option.

The older a child gets, the harder it is to find adoptive parents--because the older a child gets, the more baggage the child has. People adopt children to raise as their OWN child, not out of charity to take care of someone else's child.

So... in addition to seeing a lawyer, you need to get your daughter to see a counselor--preferably one that deals in adoption issues, so that she can realize what she'd be giving up and whether it's worth it to her to give those things up in order for her child to live in a safe, happy, stable home. Not all birthparents have regrets you know. Many of us truly miss our child, but that isn't the same as regretting the decision.