Well, I've been with my boyfriend for just over 8 months now. He's white, 24 years of age and I'm a 21 year old black girl. He's the nicest guy I've ever been with. He does everything for me to the point I say listen I don't want you doing so much but the thing is, he makes snide comments. Like he have very very bad opinion of black people. And he doesn't try to hide it either. He says stuff like 'I'm very wary of you and all the people that you hang out with'. He's very judgemental of all black people. He said to me one time 'I'm scared if we have kids they might turn out to be druggies' I don't smoke, or drink never mind do drugs so I knew it was because I'm black. When I confronted him, he apologised and said it wasn't going to happen again. He always apologise but I feel he's never going to change his mind about black people. He sometimes makes me feel like I have to apologise for being black. I love being black, I'm proud that I'm black and I've told him that as well, I just wish he wouldn't make me feel so bad about myself. What shall I do? He's by far the best boyfriend but he has problems with people of my race which makes me wonder why he's with me.

Well if he is by far the best boyfriend you've been with then I would hate to meet the worst one! Dump him! If your black, white, short, tall, fat or skinny nobody, and especially not someone that should love you, should ever, ever make you feel bad about yourself.

Haha I know what you mean. I've had my fair share of crappy boyfriends which makes him the best boyfriend. I've always been out with people who treated me badly and cheated on me. But as far as I know, he hasn't cheated yet and he treats me really well as well. I've always spent money on guys so made a difference someone doing something for me for once. He doesn't drink that much, smoke or go out all night partying so all those things I like as well. But snide racist comments I do not see coming at all

I would prefare my guy made me feel good about myself than spent a penny on me, raise the bar on yourself or you will get one crappy boyfriend after the other, your guy is crappy in his own right! He might not have anything in common with the ex's but there's all kinds of way to be crappy and it hurts you! You would not be asking questions on here if you didn't question where this relationship stands. He doesn't respect you and you deserve better.

Yes,well I would wonder too.

Whatever 'trip ' he's on I think it's time you walked away,proud of being who you are!

Is his attitude something that you can live with? What about your family? What about his family?
Mixed relationships are difficult enough without prejudice. He may be nice to you, but wait and see as the relationship progresses if he shows any sign of aggression towards you personally.
I know a lot of white druggies, so his attitude is unfounded. He may treat you well, but it is obvious that he feels that by the mere fact that he is white, he is superior to your race. Honey, realtionships are complicated enough without bringing race into it. You have to decide what you are willing to put with, and for how long.

I know because if I stay it's only going to get worse in the long run. Imagine having kids and they came home crying because someone's accused them of doing drugs. He's probably go 'well your mother is black so I can see why'. I've been trying to overlook things but it just happened again tonight and it's just all making me think 'its not worth it'. He's such an ignorant and apparently his mother has also said that to him

I've met his family loads of time, and they are quite nice but who knows what they think about black people as well because obviously the ideas/comments did not just emerge out of thin air. Maybe his parents says stuff at home as well who knows. Maybe that's where he's got all his ideas from

Who cares how or where or who he learned it from, the point is, he believes it too. He is a big boy and he has his own mind now and its been made up.

So true

Drop this idiot. No one should be made to feel ashamed of who they are. His comments are just going to get worse and worse.

Lol I know, thanks :)

Maybe you just have been making some bad choices in companions and need other ways to make yourself happy. He hardly sounds like a prince among men, and you are having doubts about him.

I just don't understand and it's the same question that you have. I mean if he's racist and have such a bad opinion about black people, why did he choose to be with you in the first place? And you said he's a good and a nice boyfriend for you. That's of course something to think about.

This is the only topic that he's so rude and has such a negative opinion or he generally badmouthed about a lot of things. You are the one who know best whether he really mean what he said or whether he is really racist or not. I don't think it's that difficult to notice if you set your feelings of loving him aside and see him for who he really is. If he continue talking about this, I think you will start feeling bad, then worse about your boyfriend. If you still want to be with him, talk to him (again) that you really and seriously don't comfortable with this issue and tell him why it's just so hard for you to accept this. But if he's not be able to stop, then I think you have your own limit how much you can tolerate him.

Anyway, be proud for who you are. That's brilliant! If you live you life a good decent caring person, you walk on the earth with your head high. Race, age, status, rich, poor, nationality, --- don't let these things define you or let anyone make you feel like you are not "Good Enough".

Ok girl you can do better!! I'm white but I can't stand raciest people. Nobodys better whites not better then blacks and blacks no more then whites. Ever here the bible song that his red yellow black or white there all special in his sight? Well it's true and if This guy is racies then find someone else. I would never be with someone that thought he was better then me over anything (much less skin color) so find you a man who loves you and tour beautiful dark skin. I heard a saying that says a persons heart is all that matters and you know I have heard there all the same color :)

Aww thank you :)

I'm sorry, I don't believe he's a racist. I just can't believe someone that hates black people would then date one... and apparently treat her well... according to her. Are you sure these aren't just attempts at jokes? Maybe these are test questions to find out how you feel. Granted he should grow a pair and just ask, but maybe he's dancing around the issues and this is his way of finding out things from you.

Do your friends do drugs?

Erm no? I don't even have friends who bringe drink never mind do drugs. I don't hang around with what people know as the 'bad guys'

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Originally Posted by hamzlolly

Well, I've been with my boyfriend for just over 8 months now. He's white, 24 years of age and I'm a 21 year old black girl. He's the nicest guy I've ever been with. He does everything for me to the point I say listen I don't want you doing so much but the thing is, he makes snide comments. Like he have very very bad opinion of black people. And he doesn't try to hide it either. He says stuff like 'I'm very wary of you and all the people that you hang out with'. He's very judgemental of all black people. He said to me one time 'I'm scared if we have kids they might turn out to be druggies' I don't smoke, or drink never mind do drugs so I knew it was because i'm black. When i confronted him, he apologised and said it wasn't gonna happen again. He always apologise but i feel he's never gonna change his mind about black people. He sometimes makes me feel like I have to apologise for being black. I love being black, I'm proud that I'm black and I've told him that as well, I just wish he wouldn't make me feel so bad about myself. what shall i do? he's by far the best bf but he has problems with people of my race which makes me wonder why he's with me.

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I'm going to play the devil's advocate for a minute. You keep saying he's racist and that he makes snide comments - what kind of comments? You mention he made a comment about your children being druggies but then follow it up with, "I don't smoke, or drink never mind do drugs so I knew it was because i'm black." Did he SAY it was because you're black? Or are you ASSUMING it's because you're black?

I don't think he's racist either - why would he bother dating you if he didn't like black people? All I've heard at this point is a lot of suspicion on your part, which is going to destroy any relationship, regardless of what color the people are. I think things are getting misunderstood and erroneous conclusions are being drawn, rather than talked about. Can I ask how old you are?

If you truly "love" being black, then nothing he says or does should make you feel bad about that. If he's a racist, then you leave him and find someone who accepts you for who you are.

As the post says, I'm 21 and I don't have any children with him. He says he doesn't know if he wants to have kids in the future because they might turn out to be druggies. now you explain to me why he might make a comment like that when he knows I don't even smoke or drink? What other logial explanation is there?