Everyone says the best way to move on from a ex is NO CONTACT. But what do you do when you have a child with them. My ex cheated on me while I was pregnant, wasn't supportive much through the pregnancy. Wanted the perks on becoming a father, but no reasponsibilty. Married a girl in another country. A girl who he barely knows. We were together 3 years and I'm having a hard time letting go. And know that our son is here, he wants all the perks of seeing him. While he still goes out and parties and all that... here I am taking full responsibility and he's moved on, happy as can be. I know it sounds shallow, but I would feel a whole lot better if he was crawling back. At last then I would feel some sort of worth. I keep asking myself why I am not good enough? I felt used and abandoned and it so hard for me because he still wants to see our son and he still wants to take care of me. He gets involved in my personal life and to me showing ways of caring. Is it possible to still care about someone and not have feelings for them. His fiancé is not yet around. I dread the day she is comes her. I guess I will always have feelings for him. We will always be connected because of our child, and that is why it's so hard to move on. How do I control these emotions?

You and him will always be in contact because of you child together and I know that makes it hard for you to move on. But the best thing to do is try and get overr him. I mean you will probably have feelings for him forever because he is your child's father but he's obviously moved on. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to see his child. You just got to be strong and once you find someone else who would treat you how your supposd to be treated, everything will be OK.

It's painful to be civil with him. And I just wish he would stay out of my personal life. Like why text me on holidays and birhtdays, or telling me how is day went and asking questions regarding my finances. I feel like he thinks he has to take care of me. But all it does is give me false hope that he might still care for me.

The way I see it is that you are too good for him. Unfortunately, there are times when those we love aren't as grown up as we'd like them to be. You have a young child and jumped into the responsibility of mother hood with both feet. I commend you for you dedication to your son. From what you stated about your ex and his wanting to party all the time and he likes the perks of fatherhood, like playing and taking him out to play. But when it comes down to taking him to the doctor, sitting up with him when he's sick, holding him after a night mare, that's you, not him. Parents offer unconditional love to their child, being there regardless of what's going on. Not when it's convenient.
You share an emotional bond with your ex because of your son. That won't go away for a long time. Only time will help ease your feelings. The more he's away from you the easier it will be for you.
If he offered to take care of your son, because of his past behavior, I'd get it in writing and have it done by an attorney.
Usually when people deal with their exes, they need to focus on their children to love your child more than you have feelings about you ex. In time feelings start to fade and you'll find someone else after you've given yourself time to grieve and to heal.

mamatobee,

I think you might find this quite hard to take but for your child's sake I hope you will give it some thought.

Arrange to have a chat with him. Tell him you want to be able to get along for the child's sake. But that you want to be nothing more than friends. Your child will accept what you accept. It is important for your child's stability for you both to work out what kind of relationship you want.

Sort and agree on maintenance and visitations, avoid discussing even arguing about this stuff in front of your child. Come to an agreement that when the child is older neither of you will put the other one down to the child - you hurt no one but the child by doing this.

Now for your part in this…. You have a child. It doesn't matter how that child got there. And if the father is not very reliable, then you must make sure that you are. You are doing this for your child, not your child's father.

Try to accept whatever he is willing to do for you and or the child with gratitude. I know it sounds like you are going to be doing all the hard work - but you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. In other words, what goes around comes around.

Whatever you want from this man for yourself or your child, you must first be willing to give it. You want friendship give friendship, you want love give love, you want to be treated with respect then treat others with respect.

You have to be the mature one here. Your child is depending on you. Allow yourself to grow into your role of mother. I brought up three children and I am still friends with their father.

Stay strong and stay above the battles.

Thanks... I try to tell myself that I deserve better. I have full responsibility and my first priority is my son. I guess I thought seeing our son would make him grow up more and want more in life. What breaks my heart is this past weekend our son was really sick and I tried calling him on a Saturday night. Well he never answered and our son ended up in the hospital because he has allergies to milk and acid reflux. And I go found out he was out enjoying a night out. Of course. He makes me sick. I could go on an on about it, but I cannot control it. He has stepped up to the plate financially. That's all that matters to him. As long as he helps pay for things and see's him once a week, then he's good. Hopefully I will find a better male role model to be apart of my son's life.

Sooner or later you will realise you didn't pick a good man for your son. Move beyond that and just take care of what God gave you. Don't depend on him to do the things that are needed. YOU do it. In the long run you and your son will be the better for it. Make sure if all he can handle is the money then so be it. Stop crying for what you think should be and get busy with what you can count on YOU.

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Originally Posted by mamatobee

Thanks...I try to tell myself that I deserve better. I have full responsibility and my first priority is my son. I guess I thought seeing our son would make him grow up more and want more in life. What breaks my heart is this past weekend our son was really sick and I tryed calling him on a saturday night. Well he never answered and our son ended up in the hospital because he has allergies to milk and acid reflux. And I go found out he was out enjoying a night out. Of course. He makes me sick. I could go on an on about it, but I cannot control it. He has stepped up to the plate financially. That's all that matters to him. As long as he helps pay for things and see's him once a week, then he's good. Hopefully I will find a better male role model to be apart of my son's life.

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That's a big step. Like the serenity prayer, you're beginning to accept the things you can not change, which is your ex. Your priorty is your little boy and you've gone above and beyond.
In time you will see him for what he really is a boy who nebver grew up. Right now your son is a play toy to him. He can play daddy like playing house and once he's done, that's it.
All I can say is, regardless of how often he sees his child, his child will love him(that does not diminish his love for you at all) just don't bad mouth him in front of your child it'll put him in a position later on to defend him and resent you, causing him to think you(as a child would and without merit) were the reason daddy left. We know that's not true. Just food for thought. I've seen it happen in my own family with disaterous results.
I hope you son is doing better. My son is lactose intollerant and I give him lactaid ( they do make it for children. Mine started it at the age of 2) and its working like a dream. As for the acid reflux, ask about zantac for chilren. It's been having good results. Also don't lay you baby down right away after feeding him. It'll help reduce the affects of acid reflux.

You're doing great. Don't worry about him. ;)

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Originally Posted by chippers

In time you will see him for what he really is a boy who nebver grew up. right now your son is a play toy to him. he can play daddy like playing house and once he's done, thats it.
All I can say is, regardless of how often he sees his child, his child will love him(that does not diminish his love for you at all) just don't bad mouth him in front of your child it'll put him in a position later on to defend him and resent you, causing him to think you(as a child would and without merit) were the reason daddy left. we know that's not true. Just food for thought. I've seen it happen in my own family with disaterous results.
I hope you son is doing better. My son is lactose intollerant and I give him lactaid ( they do make it for children. Mine started it at the age of 2) and its working like a dream. as for the acid reflux, ask about zantac for chilren. It's been having good results. also don't lay you baby down right away after feeding him. it'll help reduce the affects of acid reflux.

Youre doing great. dont worry about him. ;)

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My son was diagnosed with a sever milk/protein allergie. He can only drink Neocate formula which is highly expensive, and guess who is paying for it. Me. My insurance covers most of the cost. Thank god. The father doesn't even have health insurance. Zantac was also prescribed for him and he is doing a lot better!

Thanks to everyone for your insight. I try to take one hour at a time and I'm really looking forward to watching my son grow. It's all the unknown things that I have to let go. I confess I have control issues. And anxiety. And PPD. I just feel like my life is at a stand still and I don't know how I'm going to raise my son on my own. Right now I live at home with my dad... but want my own place. Sigh.

I think you should avail yourself of the necessary support systems available through your county Family aid programs that can get your ex to pay child support and carry insurance and even help with daycare so you can go to school and get qualified to work and have a life for yourself and your son. If he can strut like a peacock and visit then he can be a father in more than just name. Kids need more than that. If he is unreasonable about it you MUST get he courts involved to insure you have the tools to be the best mother you can. Yes I know it's a long drawn out affair so start small and find out where to go to get the ball rolling. Let the court do your talking and get you where you need to be. If I knew your city I may be able to help direct you to the proper places or you could do this yourself through your own computer.Start with family services in your city

The best thing to do it to get away I mean like move when I was a kid that what my mom had to do for the same reason and I was glade because I didn't like my dad and what he did so you might think about what's good for the baby lol

Love rian