My beautiful mother in law has just been moved to palliative care and we've been told that she has between 1 and 4 weeks to live.

My son is 3 years and 8 months old and is very, very close her. I'm not sure whether I need to prepare him for her death or even if what I plan on telling him once she has died, is the right thing to say.

He does have some idea of the concept of death. We have always talked about dead insects, birds, etc when we see them and he knows my partner's father is dead, although he died long before our son was born.

I would appreciate some advice on whether I am handling things in the appropriate way. So far, I have been telling my son that his nana's body is not working properly anymore. He hasn't asked any questions yet but I wonder if I need to tell him that she will die or just keep telling him that her body isn't working properly? I don't want to talk about her being sick because I am afraid he will worry that sickness always leads to death.

When she does die, I was thinking of telling him that nana's body stopped working and she died. I will answer any questions that he has from there.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you.

That all sounds just right to me. And I would wait until she dies, but wouldn't think you are wrong if you tell him that she won't live much longer either.
Many of our choices about what to say are best when they feel right, for us, for the person we are talking to, to the situation. The more comfortable you feel, the better he will handle it. So go with your instincts and don't worry about the small stuff. If you say 'Grandma died' with the sense that it's sad but natural, there won't be any fear passed on to him. When he asks about her later, you can bring out a photo album and say 'Let's remember her.'

Has he been taken to visit her?

Talk about what happens during the four seasons -- new life, maturity, aging, death.

Your public library has some wonderful children's books about death. Ask a librarian for help in selecting several that you and he can read together.

After she dies, spend time with him making a book about her with little stories and drawings. Others in the family may want to contribute. Perhaps plant a pretty bush or tree in your yard in memory of her. Always, always, always, include memories of her in conversations.

At 3 years of age he will accept anything you say as gosple. He may not fully understand the concept of death, and won't feel the full effects of the loss the same as you will, as long as he has his main care giver (you) his world will be fine.

Sticking to when people get really old their bodies don't work well any more and they die is a good approach, but in the same tone talk about how much she loves him and he loves her and that does not change, maybe making a picture for him to give her.

You don't say if your planning on taking him to the funeral, in my own personal experience, children of your sons age can either be quite open and curious at funerals asking lots of questions, or get confused and upset when surrounded by adults they know crying.

From your post I think you have a good handle on how your approaching the subject, you know your son best and what he is and is not able for.

If your planning on bringing him to visit her try and plan an exchange of gifts.

This is a hard time for families, for young children it can be a confusing time, but your son will take his cue from you.

I can give what I will call anti-advice. As a child I was told that my beloved great grandmother was going to go to sleep and wake up with the angels. Needless to say, I was afraid to go to sleep at night for fear I would die.

I agree with what has been said - Wondergirl is correct about some great books out there.

I'm sorry you are going through this - it must be doubly hard to lose someone when there's also a child who will ultimately suffer from the same loss.

Thank you everyone. My beautiful mother in law passed away yesterday, in the arms of her loving family.

We have been taking our son to visit her regularly over the last 6 weeks, in hospice. We had been talking about how her body was not working properly anymore and then gradually told him that her body was not going to work for much longer and she would die. Yesterday, after her death, we explained to him that she had died and he was very adamant the he wanted to see her. The lovely nurses made her look very nice, brushed her hair, etc and we took him to see her.

It was quite profound really. He looked at her in a very knowing way; he knew that she had died. He told us that his pictures had brightened up her room. We talked about how she was dead but we could still remember her and love her forever. He told us that we could look at pictures of her. He told us that he would miss her and we said that we would all miss her, too. He asked if we could still love her now she was dead and we said, of course we can still love her and she still loves us too.

We are having the funeral next Tuesday and think it is really important for him to go. He has spoken of her several times today. He had immediate saddness for very brief moments where he says he will miss her now she is dead but then very quickly bounces back to being happy. I don't know that he realises that death is permanent but we will just see how he goes and what questions he asks.

- And so far you are handling this perfectly.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I too am sorry for your loss.

Speak of her often. Remember her out loud. "I remember when Grandma used to..." and "Spring was Grandma's favorite time of year. Do you remember why?"

With your son, use printer paper and put together a simple memory book about her with crayon drawings of her favorite things, cutouts from magazines, and short stories or thoughts about her, maybe a few of her quotes if she had any special things she liked to say. Maybe put it in a 3-ring binder and add to it as time goes on. Your imagination will lead you two to put together a beautiful book that he can look at often.

That was beautiful, goldnugget! You, your MIL, and your son all sound wonderful and wise.

I'd like to add that I think I learned about death as a child from watching animals die, living in a rural area, whether it was pets or wild ones. It was a natural extension to people.

I shared a small bedroom with my sister, and there was only about a foot between our beds. One night I woke up and couldn't move and it was pitch black (no night lights then). Turns out I had fallen into that foot space all wound up in blankets, and I lay there for quite a while thinking 'I guess I'm dead.'

I'm so impressed by the relationship you had with your mother in law. Wow.