Hi, I have been dating a girl for 10 months now, and we recently have had an argument. In the past 10 months, I have questioned her, and she doesn't like that. Her ex boyfriend did the same thing to her. She likes to drink and seems to be very dependent upon herself. I have asked questions about the drinking, and certain other ones, basically thinking there is another guy. She has told me there isn't, but sometimes the signs that I see might indicate there is. I love this woman to death, and have talked to her and told her that the questions will stop and that I do trust her. Up until about 2 weeks ago, we were very happy, and then this hit.
She wants minimull contact with me, and told me that if I don't hear from here for a few days, not to get all parinoid and start to worry.
Just need some advise as to whether I should text her once and while or call. Or just sit back and wait.
Tx

I think the ball is in her court. I know you want to talk to her and try to sort through what's going on, but really this is a blessing for you.

Look at it as a chance to sort out why you have the skepticism about her that you have. What are the warning signs? What does she say vs. what does she do? Do her words match her actions? Does she involve you in her personal life as much as you would want from a girlfriend? Is her drinking problem becoming an addiction? Can you manage that?

These are a lot of questions that you now have a chance to analyze while you are waiting for her to come around. Just because she called the shot "I need minimal contact" doesn't mean she can call all of the shots. Make sure this is actually something you want!

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for the kind words. I have sat back for the past couple of days, and realized that my questioning her is wrong, and I need to work on my trust issues. Her drinking is, or maybe say was a potential problem, but we discussed that earlier on in the relationship. She does involve me in her personal life, and I enjoy her family. We actually talked for an hour lastnite, and he's the weird thing. She said that she does love me, but not the way that love should be, but yet last week she was all over me and saying I love everyday. She also told me that I'm special to her and that she has never been involved with someone as nice as me. That's the confusing part. So I will give her time and space, being that you are a woman, how long do you think I should wait for her to come to her senses before I ask her what she wants to do. I don't want to loose her, cause I believe that we met for a reason, I was about to give up on dating when she came into my life??

My gosh guy, you are so afraid of losing this female that when she says minimal contact, you don't say "what does that mean?"? That's how you get the clarity about what she means to know what YOU should do. I don't think its right for someone to make all the rules for the relationship, and expect a partner to just go along without question. That's as crazy as it comes, my friend, and your fault for not communicating your confusion honestly when you had the chance.

She is confusing you with her female attentions but its up to you to get the facts of the matter to know what they hell she expects from you, or else do your own thing and let her call you when she wants that MINIMAL contact.

Let her run the whole show, and she surely will.

Quote:

---

So I will give her time and space, being that you are a woman, how long do you think I should wait for her to come to her senses before I ask her what she wants to do.

---

Like talaniman said, you can talk to her today and ask her what she wants to do. "I want minimal contact" could mean a myriad of things, and you have a right to know what her boundaries and expectations are.

As far as what the next move in the relationship is: she either wants to take time to think about the status of the relationship, or she wants to take the relationship back a few "stages", or she's trying to let you down easy.

The first option is the only one that does or should give you any sort of chance for a future. If she needs time to think, then give it to her. YOU take that time to think too.

The other two options are either unacceptable or leave you with no chances, and you should move on at that point.

At any rate, you can contact her and say "I need to know what you mean by "Minimal contact" and what your expectations are in this relationship now and in the future".

Okay, my personal advice to you would be... break up with her. Now, I know when you read that your going to be thinking "What! No way!" but hear me out.

Usually, when someone says I need "Space" and "time" it means that they want to break up, but they are seeing what else is out there and essentially putting you on lay way until they figure it out. If they don't find anything, then they will come crawling back. Now, I'm not saying that your girlfriend is a bad person but from my previous experience and the experience of countless others asking about this curious "space" that their significant other asks for. It would seem just that.

Do you want to be that guy? I doubt it. And dealing with a break up when you were the one to break up with them, gives you a sense of control over the situation even though you really don't. It will be easier to deal with that way. However, if you don't wish to take this advice which I doubt you do. Don't go minimal contact, if she doesn't want to talk to you then don't. Set yourself a goal, say 30 days. 30 days of no contact unless she contacts you. Pretty safe to assume you'll have the spoils of this problem by then.

Be a boyfriend, an equal who deserves the same respect that you give. She may well be miffed at your behavior, but that doesn't mean, she makes all the rules.

Communications is the only way to understand the expectations and boundaries you both agree on, and failure to communicate leads to confusion.

Just me, a guy who can't walk away from bad behavior, or unfair treatment, despite his feelings, can never be in a healthy adult relationship. Partners who cannot work together, or be fully honest DON'T HAVE A HEALTHY ADULT RELATIONSHIP!

Your concerns over her drinking habits are well placed and may be a red flag you should NOT ignore.