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-   -   Is this a normal relationship? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=568798)

  • Apr 8, 2011, 04:54 AM
    kinshu123
    Is this a normal relationship?
    I am an 18year old girl in a relationship with a 21 year old guy.we live in mumbai.though to the outside world he appears to be a very charming guy,the way he acts with me is completely different.everything was OK with him until we wer friends(we were best friends for a year before we started dating and still are),but his new behavior is surprising me.he gets really angry at the drop of a hat and though I almost always keep my mouth shut during such times,he still continues to say really cruel things to me.also when its my mistake,he would be nagging me for ages about it,but if its his mistake he doesn't want to be told anything.he calls me many times a day and when I don't pick his call evn once,he gets extremely angry.he tries to control what I wear and recently he got angry because I was not buying myself a new phone.sometimes if I don't do what he wants,he warns me about "facing the consequences".nowadays he's started telling me that until I don't do what he wants to do,he won't eat anything.sometimes he forcefully gets physically intimate with me.however he doesn't mind at all my spending time with my other girl/guy friends.but except for this ,he's an extremely nice guy and I love him a lot and love spending time with him.
    Once I subtly asked him why he is so rude to me and not with his other friends and this was his reply "i dont behave like this with others because they arent my close friends and i dont love them.your the only closest friend i have in my life and i love u and so i like being myself wid u".however he has many friends as he's an extremely friendly guy.its just that he never lets anyone get close to him because he never shares his personal life or secrets with them.he is extremely detached with everyone except me.also,he gets extremely angry if I share any relationship issues with any of my friends.
    I want to know if such behavior is normal in a relationship or is something very wrong?or are all these problems simply in my head and I am being selfish?I love him a lot and don't wish to break up with him.
  • Apr 8, 2011, 05:14 AM
    Sumitkumar7266
    Then do what he wants or what he likes..

    It looks like you are not having any control of your life.India got independence in 1947 and you are still finding it..
    Anyway Try to convince him with love and care.. If he is accepting it's good for your relation or else one day you will feel irritated and will leave him..

    Koi pyaar kare to tumse kare,Tum jaise ho waise kare.. koi tumhe badal kar pyaar kare to pyaar nahi wo sauda kare.. And no sauda in love..

    Take your time.. Convince him without fighting with him.. All the best
  • Apr 8, 2011, 05:29 AM
    amicon

    This guy's an abusive controlfreak and the way you tell it,a rapist to boot.

    He's not a loving,caring partner,he's a jerk on a power trip.

    Leave him before it gets worse.

    You deserve a real man,not this poor excuse for a boyfriend.
  • Apr 8, 2011, 01:52 PM
    kinshu123
    But he doesn't have a lot of friends :(
    If I leave him,he may get really lonely :'(
    However I will surely try and convince him to be calmer while talking to me,den everything will b OK :)
  • Apr 8, 2011, 04:00 PM
    talaniman

    I can't blame him at all. I blame you for allowing his behavior, and only you can change it. Either by gentle persuasion, ignoring him, or exiling him from your heart and life unless he gives you the proper dignity and respect that the QUEEN of his life deserves.

    That means act like a QUEEN, and demand to be treated as one, not some side kick to keep him from being lonely.

    And no true person treats their BEST FRIEND in such a manner!!

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