I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, its taken a while but we now have a house together and things have been great, so when I turned 30 last year I said I wanted to start a family and I felt our relationship was stable and we are financially secure only things at the back of my mind was the fact we were not married. However I can't wait much longer and wait for him to propose as its not the be all and end all.

Anyway 8 months had passed as February this year we found out I was pregnant we were both very happy, excited and worried all different emotions. However 3/4 weeks ago we had a huge row and he smash stuff up in the house and its was scary, he was drunk but the whole things was so unlike him. Since then things have gone from bad to worse and we are not getting on. He is drinking more than usual and talks to me like I am a piece of dirt. I just don't get it? He has never been like this before, I am trying to put it down to the fear of us having a baby but I now am feeling I don't want it. All the reasons for having a baby are now gone. I feel there are major cracks in our relationship things are not right and I want to leave, I am 11 weeks and 4 days pregnant, first scan is on Monday. I am so confused I don't want to bring this child into this world as a single mum. Maybe I am making a drama out of nothing and should I blame it all on the pregnancy. I need some advice before I make the wrong decision. We have family also coming this Sunday to make the big announcement but I don't want anyone to know in case I have an abortion, please help??

I'm sorry, it sounds like this relationship is not going to work, and you need to get out of it. There are a lot of things I would forgive a man for, but violence and disrespect are not among them.

If he is like this now, what do you think he's going to be like in nine months time, when neither of you have had any sleep for the last week?

Talk to a counsellor about your pregnancy, and see what your options are. You said you have always wanted a family, so don't assume that this pregnancy is not welcome just because you are in a bad situation now. It's possible you may keep it, or have it adopted, or have an abortion, but you need to be sure that whatever decision you reach is the right one, not just a reaction to circumstances.

I wanted a family with this man, everything WAS brilliant, do I put this down to being pregnant and maybe he is scared? I love him but need to get him to talk its can take a while but he will eventually open up...

I can't help noticing that they weren't brilliant enough for either of you to commit to marriage. You could have asked him, if you were convinced it was the right thing to do.

Children put a huge strain on the best of relationships. If there are cracks there already, they will break them.

Have you asked him what is going on?

He is a typical bloke, He can talk but it will take days for him to open up.

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Originally Posted by dj1980

He is a typical bloke, He can talk but it will take days for him to open up.

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This is not typical for the "blokes" I know.

No one can tell you what to do in this situation... As it involves a possible future baby's life... I think you need to consider the fact that you, indeed, may need to be a single mother.

Also, if you do decide to keep the baby - you need to sit him down and talk. Find out how he feels about having a baby. Is he really excited or scared, or does he not want kids at all?

I understand that he is a "regular bloke", but now you may be bringing a new life into this world - and he needs to chill an discuss. If he can't do that now - what can you expect later? It will only get more difficult..

I have been in a similar situation - so I speak for experience.

I chose not to have the baby.

Best of luck to you..

Is alcohol a big factor in this? You don't argue with a drunk, you let him sleep it off, or call a cop. When he is sober you talk, after he gets sober, not before.

I find it hard to believe that in 5 years, there weren't signs of violent behaviour, verbal abuse, and or problem drinking. I can understand this better had he always had these signs, and that they became worse, but you imply that this is a sudden, unexpected, and out of character change in him. And it was caused by you getting pregnant?

Why, several weeks after the fact, did he blow. You describe him as being happy and excited about the pregnancy. What changed.

You talk about reasons for wanting to have a baby, just what were they, and did he share those reasons? Was he unaware and caught off guard when you became pregnant, or did you both agree to try for a baby.

People just don't turn upside down and into a different person overnight, and it is hard to believe that this Jeckle and Hyde man you now speak of, is the same person you thought you knew, or should have known.

If he wasn't ready to marry you after such an otherwise long and healthy relationship as you make it out to be, what makes you think he was ready to be a father.

A baby will not fix anything. It won't make your relationship better (indeed you are seeing what it has already done with you getting pregnant). You changing your mind about the whole thing after 'one' incident of him smashing the place up, apparently in reaction to the pregnancy, just doesn't add up.

You do have options, and until you decide what to do, I wouldn't be putting out a big family announcement.