My girlfriend of almost 4 years has broken up with me. She had recently had struggles with work, losing her job, and was highly stressed. She hasn't been to school for two years and recently she started taking night classes, I was totally supportive.

However the night classes along with the sudden job loss, she stopped contacting me out of nowhere. Then a week later she said that she needed to figure things out, and I was again totally supportive of that. She is the love of my life and time was not an issue to me.

Before the events described we lived together in the summers and during school I lived in dorms but only an hour away form her. Her family also live two minutes away from my school, we saw each other often. And for almost a year we had never been in a fight or hardly a disagreement. We were great together. During the period were she was figuring her job and life out (this was very stressful because it was over the xmas holidays) I texted her and kept her up to date with how I was doing and what was going on in my life.

Then a month and a week later she started texting me again. We were doing good but because of our scheduals we weren't able to meet up for almost another month. This was tough but our texts were good and fun again she was back in my life. We meet for lunch the first time after I worked in the city however she worked that night so I dropped her off. We kept meeting for three more weekends for dinner and stuff. Things were going great. Then one night she was acting weird, and I thought it was time to finally confront her about not talking to me for so long. She then came out and said at the time of losing her job she was starting to feel differently about me and not the same as when we started dating. I was devastated, so was she, she said that the last month and a bit when she and I were having fun, she was trying to rekindle the feeling she had lost.

But they weren't coming back. She saids she doesn't know why and is so mad at herself, but can't change them. And said they will never come back. She wants to be friends because she still loves hanging out. This was two days before her birthday. I texted her happy birth day but that was it because I said I wasn't ready to talk to her yet. Then a week later she texted me out of the blue, I answered. But left it short. Then she contacted me again about how to bet on sports. I sent her an email showing her how to do it. She then kept texting me all night letting me know how she was doing.

Since the breakup I have only contacted her once on her birthday and told her I didn't want to talk because I wasn't ready and hurt. She says that whenever I am ready to talk about it she is there, and tells me she always will be. But then she keeps contacting me because I don't text her. What does this mean, does she want me back?

I really want her back and am trying everything to get her back, what should I do?

You want your girlfriend back, she wants to be friends without the commitment. Guess who wins?

She does.

Ignore her texts. She will get mad, and leave you alone. That's what you want, her to leave you alone so you can heal without all that friendship crap that you don't want.

Just so you know, she ain't coming back!! Doesn't matter what you try, it ain't going to happen. Don't believe me, ask her straight up for yourself, If she is honest she says NOPE, but if she says you never know what happens in the future, she is lying. Its a good lie though, to let you down easy, and hang around AS A FRIEND, until she finds better things to do.

That's why you ignore texts, calls, and emails, and bow out gracefully and stop wasting your time and let the healing process work. To hell with those friend zone distractions!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You want your girlfriend back, she wants to be friends without the commitment. Guess who wins?

She does.

Ignore her texts. She will get mad, and leave you alone. Thats what you want, her to leave you alone so you can heal without all that friendship crap that you don't want.

Just so you know, she ain't coming back!!!!! Doesn't matter what you try, it ain't gonna happen. Don't believe me, ask her straight up for yourself, If she is honest she says NOPE, but if she says you never know what happens in the future, she is lying. Its a good lie though, to let you down easy, and hang around AS A FRIEND, until she finds better things to do.

Thats why you ignore texts, calls, and emails, and bow out gracefully and stop wasting your time and let the healing process work. to hell with those friend zone distractions!!!!

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Haha, I thought about giving advice similar to this in another thread but thought I would get a whole lot of flame for it. But, its true. She isn't going to come back. When you break up with someone for complicated reasons (AKA not cheating, or a obvious reason for a break up) the person doesn't want to hurt you, so they will say things like "I don't know. I hope we can get back together in the future." but you need to understand that it is a method to dull the blow and that is all.

If they wanted to get back together in the future, then they wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place. Truly, the best advice I can give is make her mad at you. I know, it doesn't sound like the best course of advice and your going to be thinking "But, this will ruin the little chance I DO have of getting her back." well that chance is really so slim that its almost none exsistant. Don't talk to her, if she gets mad, give short winded responses. If she is mad at you, and you know it, it actually makes things a whole lot easier.

I would also suggest removing her from Facebook (if you have one) and any other social networking sites and messengers (Skype, AIM, etc.) you want to leave no way to contact her. Delete her number from your phone if need be. These may seem like drastic steps but they worked for me, so hopefully it will work for you. Learning what is going on in her life is just going to hurt you.

It's easier for her to move on from the break up if she knows you're there a call away waiting and missing her.. For you, however, each call and text bring false hope..

Move on. May be you can be friends later, when you've had perspective and are able to jut be friends.. but that will take time..

I have been out of a relationship for 2 months, I see her almost everyday, I live a 1/4 from her house. I started to drive the long way just so I would not have to see her house. When I finally thought I had healed enough to drive the normal way by her house, it still hurt seeing some other guy parked in her driveway. But, it lessened each day. Today a friend who is friends her her new BF called to say he had posted a picture of her and his dog on Facebook. It ruined the rest of my afternoon. Distance yourself from any chance to look her up, unfriend her and take her out of your phone book. That is the only way to get over it. Because how much it hurts she ain't ever coming back and if she does do you really want her back.