Ask Me Help Desk - How long does it take for the tears and pain to stop

I lost my father Jan. 14th 2007 I was with him at the time of his passing. I knew that he was tired of fighting for his life, and I knew he would be leaving us. I just wasn't ready for it to be so soon. I cry all the time, I can not seem to get motivated into everyday task. I was mad, angry and hurt all at the same time. Now I feel I have no one that will be as strong as he was for me and the family when we need it. How long will the tears and pain go on, and will I ever be able to cope with not seeing him when I walk in to their home.

It takes a long time, usually at least a year, to regain some feeling of "normal" after a major loss. I know at this early point in the process it may seem outrageous to even think that your life could ever be normal again without your father's presence in it. But his presence does remain with you in the form of your memories and the lessons that he taught you, just not his body. Pace yourself, and find what comfort you can, wherever you can. Just be aware that it is a long process that you will have to go through, and there is no way to avoid or shorten it. I wish you well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Revia

I lost my father Jan. 14th 2007 I was with him at the time of his passing. I knew that he was tired of fighting for his life, and I knew he would be leaving us. I just wasn't ready for it to be so soon. I cry all the time, I can not seem to get motivated into everyday task. I was mad, angry and hurt all at the same time. Now I feel I have no one that will be as strong as he was for me and the family when we need it. How long will the tears and pain go on, and will I ever be able to cope with not seeing him when I walk in to their home.

Oh how I can comprehend what you are going through. Believe me.

I lost mt father July 2004. He was terminally ill, I also didn't think he would pass so soon after we got that horrod news. I was there when he passed and I saw the suffering he passed through in his last few weeks.

Time is healer and please don't get mad when you read this because when people said that to me I used to flip because I never believed this. Its hard, I know.

You are going through the process of grief.
Now you are mad, angry and sad, eventually there will be accpetance. Don't expect it to happen over night. I have accepted that my dad is gone, but believe sometimes I dream of him and I wake up and want to cry, but what I do is I think and remember of those fond memories I have of him and what a great father he was, and that he is my guardian angel now and mainly.. he is at peace. He suffered so much.

I felt the same when I used to go to his house and just see my mum alone, but I started to feel a nice warmth happy feeling in his house, his pressence.

He is always with you.

Grieving is a process you must go through. And it takes some time.

I hope you find this helpful. And you can check out the net for more help and advice on coping with grief.

Coping with the loss of a parent

Quote:

Originally Posted by Revia

I lost my father Jan. 14th 2007 I was with him at the time of his passing. I knew that he was tired of fighting for his life, and I knew he would be leaving us. I just wasn't ready for it to be so soon. I cry all the time, I can not seem to get motivated into everyday task. I was mad, angry and hurt all at the same time. Now I feel I have no one that will be as strong as he was for me and the family when we need it. How long will the tears and pain go on, and will I ever be able to cope with not seeing him when I walk in to their home.

Oh sweetie does my heart go out to you. I lost my father November 19, 1997 and I know the pain you are feeling. The sadness that is so overwhelming, the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, picking fights with those that are still here, and being mad at him because he is gone.

Please know that those are all natural responses. It is all part of the process of grieving. You just lost your father a very short time ago. So, all these things that you are feeling are natural. The need to be strong for your family is very admirable and if it makes you feel better, do it. But, remember to take time for you too.

Unfortunately no one can tell you when the pain will go away (I am not sure if it ever does), but I can tell you the pain subsides. As time goes one, and you continue living your life (you know your dad would want you to continue to be all that you can be) it will get easier. You won't cry every day, you might not cry every week, then maybe not every month. But, you still will cry. Some days you will feel great... others sad. It is a rollercoaster of emotions for awhile. But hang in there, the rollercoaster will slow down. I promise.

Remember that even though you can't see your dad, you can still "talk" to him. To this day I talk to my dad because I know that he is watching me... and I want him to know that even though I don't see him he is still a part of me. It helps... try it when you can.