I was raped 5 months ago by my husband (soon to be ex). It was the last time we were together sexually. He had given me Meth in order to make me do things I would not typically do. (I am NOT a drug user at all).

The sex that night was very violent. Very rough. Including vaginal and anal intercourse, interchanged- which he knew I was objected to for obvious health reasons. Afterward I developed a bad bladder infection/ UTI and had to be treated for that. I was lucky, I thought, that was all that was wrong. I was WRONG about THAT.

I have never ben able to have a vaginal orgasm in my life. I am in my thirties. Other than that, I have never had a problem having a clitoral orgasm at all. However, 2 months ago, I started dating again and I have not been able to have any orgasm at all. Once I even tried to masturbate and get one on my own (which used to only take a couple of minutes). I was not able to achieve an orgasm, and in fact, my clitoris is not responding at all. I asked my BF if it does for him either and he said no, he doesn't think so.

Needless to say. This is very disappointing. I am very frustrated to have had my husband take this from me. I feel so violated and that this is so unfair. Any help, ideas, or anything at all would be appreciated. I thank you all in advance.

You need to see a counselor.

5 months is NOT very long to recover from a violent rape, especially without a lot of counseling.

I think you are rushing into a new relationship WAY too quickly.

Please see your gynecologist for a referral to a therapist who specializes in sexual issues.

Thank you for your reply. I should maybe add some detail. The rape itself was violent, as in what happened was very rough to me, very violent to me. I bled anally afterwards for over a week, and then had to be treated for the infections afterwards. I say rape because of the drugs involved- made me do things that I would not otherwise be comfortable doing- things he knew I would not do (which is why he did this). But the initial interaction was consentual- the sex just went too far was far too rough and he did not stop when I told him to stop. So it WAS rape. BUT maybe not what people think when reading "violent rape"- I wasn't beaten or anything like that. But that's what it was even if it was my husband.

My new BF is a very kind man, he is aware of my past, and has been very considerate. We have talked openly about this issue also. I so much appreciate your input, and do intend to see a professional. Just in the meantime, I wonder if there is any hope? Thanks again.

It's hard to say.

The female orgasm is 99% mental and emotional--it happens more in your brain than in your naughty bits.

You need to remove your mental and emotional blocks in order to move forward.

Only a professional can help you with that.

PS--I agree with you that it was rape. And if you bled anally for a week, it was too violent. I still think that you need to see a specialist to get to the bottom of why you can't orgasm now. And it really IS too soon for a relationship. Whether he's sweet and understanding or not--YOU are not in a good place to be good relationship material.

You should report him to Police