We have no children yet, but we both want them very badly, we miscarried a year and a half ago, we've been married for almost 5 years, together for almost 12. We have never been so disconnected in every way. He seems to always be on defense, and handles things in an immature manner for being almost 30 years old. Will counseling help us reconnect and save our marriage?? We are always fighting and we haven't always been this way, it makes me so frustrated and sad. This has been going on for over a year now, and I'm really at the point where I can't take all the drama anymore, always feeling like I am walking on egg shells. I love him so much and I always will. I want us to get back to being so happy with each other again, laughing and enjoying each others company, I just don't know how to do it. I've tried talking about it with him and it always turns into him feeling like the victim and stomping around like a child. Please help me feel confident that some honest counseling will help give me back my wonderful relationship.

If both of you are really willing to work things out, then a good counselor might be just the push you both need in the right direction. Ultimately though, it will be up to the two of you to be willing to work on your relationship, a counselor can guide you through things, but they can't do the work for you.

I think we both are very willing to do something to change the situation. I just have no idea what to expect from counseling. I think we would benefit greatly to have a third party observe and report on our communication and behaviors toward each other. Is that something I can expect?

Counseling isn't so much 'reporting' as it is helping the two of you find ways to communicate and work together. The counselor is there to keep discussions going, ask questions that get you thinking and talking to each other, help you see the other side, keep disagreements from turning into fights, etc. The counselor should not take sides though it may feel that way when one person has a difficult time with a topic.

Are you still trying to have a baby? Is he afraid of another miscarriage?

Miscarriages are hard on both parents and counseling can help you work through the pain, guilt and fear that might still be lingering and affecting his behavior.

We have stopped trying to have a baby for now. Perhaps the baby we lost is one of the reasons we've fallen apart. Thank you for the information on what counseling will be like, it helps me greatly. I have found a marriage counseling office nearby and I am meeting my husband for dinner tomorrow to discuss a plan of action for our marriage before I make the appointment, any advice on how to handle the conversation would be immensely appreciated.