Was wondering if anyone has experience or knowledge in overcoming defence mechanisms.

I seem to push away the people I love as I'm scared of losing them. I know this stems from losing my parent, though I'm fed up with it now and want to overcome it and not push people away. My defence mechanism kicks when my fear rears itself, I tend to believe what I want to believe and make a deal out of it and get the wrong end of the stick. This is my defence.

Any help or advice is appreciated, thanks

Sorry your feeling this way and for your loss, have you ever tried seeking counseling? I know you might think I'm just another person telling you to get help but it is very helpful having someone listening to you and understanding you. Its great also that your aware of this isssue you have and that's a big start for you! Its not strange that you act out in this way, in fact its very normal, you have fears just like anyone and I think seeing someone on a regular basis will help you deal with them :)

I think your right, its bizarre I know what my fear is though I don't know how to overcome and let go of it, that's the most annoying part of it!

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Originally Posted by Funmonk1

I think your right, its bizarre I know what my fear is though I don't know how to overcome and let go of it, thats the most annoying part of it!

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And that's exactly why you should seek help, they will help you over come and deal with these issues, they will teach you different ways to think about certain situations and how to handle them, I have been to counseling myself and its helped me in a lot of things.

My best advice to prepare you is, if you don't like the first counselor you find then you find another, you really need to feel that connection with them, you need to feel relaxed when speaking to them but also give them a chance, the first few sessions are obviously a little awkward and slow but you just say what you want and as much or a little as you want, and don't pressure yourself that you have to say something because you don't. Take as much time as you need to get settled, they won't mind one bit. Good luck :)

Adding to the excellent advice provided above I would simply add a couple of types of counseling particularly attuned to just this type of recognized problem:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or
Rational Emotive Therapy (RET). Sometimes a type of CBT

Both are short term, problem directed and avoid the necessity of the older psychodynamic ideas of uncovering hidden meanings.

CBT is widely used today and available through various types of counselors, MSWs, psychologists, pastoral, etc. No diagnosis required.