I don't want my 11 month old to have lollipops? But when I tell her no not to give her that she tells me oh a little bit of sugar won't hurt,she gives her a lot of it. And she always verbally abusing me in front of my kids. Should I just keep her away from my place? I mean I try to get along but she wants to always tell me what to do with them.

Depends on the level, sounds a lot like most grandmothers,

At the end of the day I have to say it is your child, but I have a rule at my home, at grand dads house it is grand dads rules

You are the mom. Tell others, including your mom, what is permitted and not permitted with your children.

My guess is that your mom probably handled things the same way when you were a kid.

You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your mom.

I diagree chuck. This isn't common grandmother behavior, of 'aww I'm grandma you can have a cookie/candy' and 'what happens at grandmas house stays at grandmas house'

This 'grandmother' is very abusive towards her daughter, and I wouldn't doubt that eventually will become emotionally/verbally abusive to the chidlren as well. This is how it started with my mother, over riding my parental authority, belittling me in front of my chld. Then it turns into controlling me and my child, then it turns into abusing my child. Its dangerous ground to walk.

I would suggest you tell your mother that if she can not respect your parenting, then she cannot visit. I hope your mother is willing to work with you. Mine was not. And I had to cut her from our lives when her and my father started physically abusing my child just like they did when I was little.



How were your parents with you when you were little?

With my mil, it was her trying to get control and knocking herself out going against my stated wishes about food, weekend trips, vacation spots, gift-giving, you name it. I had to put my foot down with her AND with my kids.

Your situation sounds like it could become abusive, as jenniepepsi suspects, unless you get a handle on it now. Don't argue or antagonistically discuss. Think about which battles are okay for her to "win" and which are the bigger battles that you want to win. I ended up giving my mil small victories that seemed to satisfy her which then allowed me to win the war of being able to be in full control of my kids (and her).

Set up a time to have a little chat then let her know you appreciate that she loves her grandchildren so much. They are lucky to have her in their lives. However, then let her know that there are some areas that you will be flexible on, and others you will not. It may not be how she raised you, it may not be what she thinks is OK, it may be very different from what she would do, but it is simply how you want it done. She is more than welcome to spend time with the grandchildren but those few rules, such as not undermining you or verbally abusing you, will remain in place. Otherwise you will have no alternative but to limit the time she spends with them.

Keep in mind that unless it is a health or safety issue, there is not always a right or wrong way of doing things... just different ways. As Wondergirl said, sometimes you have to pick your battles and decide what you can be comfortable with letting slide.

As to frequent lollipops for the 11 month old, that very much is a health issue.