HAving come out of a messy relationship where I was essentially used for sex by my ex whilst he was seeing someone else, I met another man almost two months later.

He seemed like everything I wanted, and he made me believe I was everything he was looking for. He had only been out of his relationship a month (and this was quite messy as it involved selling the house they both owned). She no longer lived there though.

From day one (we were introduced by a mutual friend), we were inseparable. We saw each other almost every night for 5 months. A little intense and excessive I know, but it felt so RIGHT. We went on a couple of mini holidays together, and were discussing going on a bigger holiday abroad. Then, he sells his house, moves into a house share (with his ex girlsfriends parents!! ) and almost over night, he changes.

Started seeing me maybe once a week, despite working in the same road I live in. He still phoned and texted every day, that was no problem. I let it go for a couple of weeks as I thought perhaps he was just getting used to moving house. The first time the new 'situation' was discussed, he claimed he just wanted to make an effort with her parents (she no longer lived there, plus she had new boyfriend AND there was no love lost between them!), and he felt a little awkward about staying over here.
He said he just wanted some routine in his life and a bit of space to sort himself out.
But he implied he still wanted to see me and that he enjoyed spending time with me etc etc.

But, he carried on only seeing me once a week. His texts got less affectionate. I then accused him of cheating on me (the only explanation I could come up with in my head). He swore blind it was nothing to do with that BUT no matter how genuine and honest he says he is, it would just make more sense.

Eventually our relationship ended last week. He said he just wasn't ready for a relationship and he just wanted us to be friends. Still wanted to see me and "do things" but just as friends.

No, I can't do that. I was/am in love with him and the thought of him just wanting to be friends so he can sleep around makes me feel so sad. I am not sleeping as I still have so many questions that rush around my head. I feel like he used me just to stop the loneliness when he was in his big empty house. And now, I have been dropped, just like that. I feel like the biggest fool in the world, and am so scared of ever giving my heart away again :(

To be honest you should be very afraid of giving your heart away again to any stranger you don't know very well. Especially given you both were in the healing process, and just wanted someone to give you attention to keep from being lonely.

Yes, you should protect yourself much better, and not fall so easily, that's plain desperate, with little, or no regard for yourself. Stay out of relationships, and stop looking for love and romance, and build a life that makes you happy with just you, and no one else.

Then you can enjoy yourself and heal, as you take FULL responsibility for your own happiness, and not depend on anyone to make you happy, so you don't have to blame them when they can't.

Now get off that pity pot, and take care of yourself, and learn to be good to yourself, for yourself, by yourself.

Hmmmm, not so sure you've hit the nail on the head there Talaniman but thanks for trying to 'pep' me up. I had been on a couple of dates with a couple of guys before him, but felt nothing so stopped them. We just seemed to click so I was bound to follow it up and see what happened. An easy mistake to make when they say all the things you want to hear, and act the way they do.
Seeing as we ended things but 4 days ago, I have every right to be on my 'pity pot'. I feel like I am having to apologise for being sad here. I certainly won't be looking to get straight into another relationship but it won't mean I will stop looking for that special person who I might just bump into when I least expect it,

But thank you anyway for taking the time to reply.

I read this thread and the other one also, and sorry if I get the impression you blame them for your actions, my bad. Its just that that's what the title implies, like you are a victim. I can see sad, but self pity?? Naw, don't see that helping . Like I said sorry. Enjoy you vent!

Oh I don't doubt there is an element of self pity in my posts. I don't blame him/them for MY actions because I haven't really done anything, other than fall in love with someone who I thought felt the same way but clearly didn't; an easy mistake to make.
My posts are more about frustration at not knowing what exactly caused him to suddenly change his mind, having been so positive and enthusiastic about the relationship, to suddenly switching off.
I am blaming HIM for HIS actions!
Self pity won't help I know; I can't change his decision. I think it's pretty poor him wanting to be friends and carry on 'doing things together' (whatever that implies) but I know it is just to make himself feel better for hurting me.
Oh well. It could be worse...

He's responsible for his actions,but frustrating as it is,I don't think you'll ever know why he'switched off'.

You were both rebounding,and jumped in too fast,so crashed and burned.

Don't try to be friends,go no contact and heal from both breakups.

You say that you can't blame him for YOUR actions because you haven't done anything, but you HAVE done something; you entered into a relationship before you were ready. You hadn't healed from your past troubles and a relationship won't work when one side is broken or unstable. In your case, BOTH sides were broken and unstable which is doubly worse. Nobody can predict the future and it would be folly not to follow up on something that seems so right. But hopefully you can look back and see how this could have happened and not be completely surprised by it.

Try not to go down the route of 'blame' though. Nobody did one specific thing that ruined the relationship; it is as a result of something much more complex from both sides. I know it hurts that he was the one who left, but considering the circumstances, it's probably better that it happened sooner rather than later. You now have a chance to do what you never let yourself do in the first place; heal properly and become someone that is bigger and better than before so that you're PROPERLY ready for the next person that comes along.

Sadness is different to pity. Talaniman is right, don't pity yourself because it does nothing to help the situation. It's all right to feel sad that he left, it's all right to feel alone, a little lost and even a little hard done by to a certain degree but don't wallow in the sadness and feel like you've been treated unfairly or unjustly; this won't help you figure anything out and only deflects the healing process; healing comes from looking within, not looking to put the blame elsewhere. Sure, he has shown some less than desirable traits, but blaming him for reasons unknown simply won't make you feel better. It is now time for you to say "Right, what did I do wrong this time and what can I do to improve myself and learn from this".