Ask Me Help Desk - Where do you all find the one?

Ok so here's my story... I was in a six year relationship that ended approxamitely two years ago. I'm 31 and have been dating but am really struggling finding that connection with someone. I have been dating someone for almost two months but have come to realize that we don't connect emotionally, physically or spirituatlly. Back to the drawing board. I'm just curious outside of online dating where people meet single, quality, available people? I can't believe I'm writing this but I feel like I'm the only single person in the world at my age. I'm positive, successful, self-confident and don't seem to struggle meeting guys that are interested however it's not reciprocated. Maybe I'm too picky? I don't know but I've felt love and chemistry in the past. Not to sound cocky but I'm told that I'm really pretty and cool so why is it so hard for me? Any thoughts on where to go and how to attract someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with? I'm independent but love to be in love.

No I don't think you picky or cocky or anything along them lines, I think your confident and sure of who you are and you know what you want and your not going to just settle for less for the sake of just being in a relationship! Nothing wrong with that,

And that's why you feel like the only one that's single, there's far too many people out there that will jump into disaster relationships and go from one to the other way to fast,

Don't keep searching, I know it sounds corny but you know when they say once you stop looking you'll find it... well its true.

Talaniman Rule - When you stop looking for love, and build a life that you enjoy, that makes you happy, you will attract those that want to share that happiness with you.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

You kiss a lot of toads before one turns into a prince, so don't waste time for the ones you know are unavailable. If you are online, if one doesn't work, get another. Its only a date, and dating is supposed to be fun getting to know someone, not an interview for a life partner. Have fun being single, while you can.

I am glad I have read this.

Having gone from one relationship to the next, and recently getting heart broken twice in under a year, I am starting to think I am trying too hard.

I have only just broken up with my boyfriend of 7 months, and although it is my shortest relationship to date (no pun intended), it was possibly the most intense. I had never felt that connected with, physically attracted to, and secure with someone in literally years.

But something made him change his mind (I believe I was a rebound for him) and now all that intense time spent together seems to have been completely disregarded by him.

I get overwhelming feelings of despair, wondering how I will ever find someone again. I wouldn't know where to begin looking. Like the original poster, I am always told how pretty and funny I am and that I will never have trouble finding someone (hope that doesn't sound arrogant, that is just what I have been told) - but clearly, I am not pretty or funny enough? I don't want to be someone I am not but I am just getting so disheartened and it is upsetting.

Online dating maybe the way for me but I think I should wait a significant number of months before I even begin to think about dating. My heart is so broken right now. I hope it repairs.

Good luck to you original poster. X

Quote:

Originally Posted by heartonsleeve

I am glad I have read this.

Having gone from one relationship to the next, and recently getting heart broken twice in under a year, I am starting to think I am trying too hard.

I have only just broken up with my boyfriend of 7 months, and although it is my shortest relationship to date (no pun intended), it was quite possibly the most intense. I had never felt that connected with, physically attracted to, and secure with someone in literally years.

But something made him change his mind (I believe I was a rebound for him) and now all that intense time spent together seems to have been completely disregarded by him.

I get overwhelming feelings of despair, wondering how I will ever find someone again. I wouldnt know where to begin looking. Liek the original poster, I am always told how pretty and funny I am and that I will never have trouble finding someone (hope that doesnt sound arrogant, that is just what I have been told) - but clearly, I am not pretty or funny enough? I dont want to be someone I am not but I am just getting so disheartened and it is upsetting.

Online dating maybe the way for me but I think I should wait a significant number of months before I even begin to think about dating. My heart is so broken right now. I hope it repairs.

Good luck to you original poster. x

Once you consiously make that decision to stop looking and just enjoy the present and each day as it comes, you will be amazed at how things can work out. Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by youradvisor1

Ok so here's my story....I was in a six year relationship that ended approxamitely two years ago. I'm 31 and have been dating but am really struggling finding that connection with someone. I have been dating someone for almost two months but have come to realize that we don't connect emotionally, physically or spirituatlly. Back to the drawing board. I'm just curious outside of online dating where people meet single, quality, available people? I can't believe I'm writing this but I feel like I'm the only single person in the world at my age. I'm positive, successful, self-confident and don't seem to struggle meeting guys that are interested however it's not reciprocated. Maybe I'm too picky? I don't know but I've felt love and chemistry in the past. Not to sound cocky but I'm told that I'm really pretty and cool so why is it so hard for me? Any thoughts on where to go and how to attract someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with? I'm independent but love to be in love.

youradvisor - I don't know if my comments are going to help you at all but at least you can know that you are not alone.

Your situation is quite similar to mine and I'm a guy. I've asked the same questions: "...outside of online dating where people meet single, quality, available people?"

Through this alone part of my life, I'm learning some things that I think are worth sharing. First, it's helpful to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness when it becomes overwhelming. That's when it's time to step back and reach out to people that you love and care for... purposefully spend time with them.

Second, if you are someone who believes in God, undoubtedly you wrestle with him about this time in your life. I know for you to post this here means that your heart is really crying out. Sometimes maybe you are angry with God. Sometimes maybe you feel hurt as if he doesn't care about your well-being. Doesn't he care to answer the loneliness you feel deep down?

Third, maybe sometimes you are mentally exhausted by all of the possibilities out there that you feel you may be missing. You may think that "if I had only gone to that one event or party like I thought to go to, maybe I would have met a good guy there." Or the opposite, maybe you are frustrated by feeling that you are trying to hard and that is turning people away from you. Whatever the case, you may feel the rub of coming up against your own limited capacity as a human being and the level of control that you have over your own destiny. That is very frustrating as well.

Here's where I am at in my journey. It's helpful to say this because it reminds me of where I need to be. God knows. He knows. Your inward cry doesn't go unnoticed. Sometimes the waiting is more about us learning to persevere in faith. Sometimes it is a lesson in patience... and if you are an American, we are dominated by a culture where virtually nothing is "sure, that'll be 2 years" because instantly we can have burgers, fries, and soda. We aren't conditioned to be patient so we have to work harder are it and waiting on a good thing like a mate can be crushing to the spirit.

So we wait. We need to take a role in trying to meet someone... sure. But we cannot force things either. For example, if I were lonely and for the sake of loneliness, I decided to get involved with someone with different values because I'm afraid I won't find someone else. I'd say that's not a good choice.

In the meantime, we need to pursue things that will enhance our lives and bring some amount of pleasure. For me it's been seeking opportunities to serve others through volunteering, church, and in everyday life.

I hope some of these ideas comfort your weary heart. Just remember, tomorrow is another day. We should wake up each day with a hopeful expectation that our prayer will be answered but not be so consumed with the outcome of each day.