I don't know where to begin but my daughter has currently been living with me for almost 2 years with my 9 year old granddaughter. She has a mean, disrespectful attitude towards her father and especially her mother and blames me for everything. She is living at our home and fels she doesn't need to pay rent, leaves her daughter in my care and doesn't even call when she leaves all night. Im at wits end and don't know what to do. Her father and I feel helpless and don't want to hurt our granddaughter.

So tell her to move out if she does not follow your direction.

She feels because of the child, she can use her to basically black mail you.

Plan a time to sit down with her and discuss your concerns. If you are happy to have her continue to stay with you as long as she is respectful and contributes to the household in some way, fine.

If you would prefer she move out, set a dead line for her to work towards. Let her know that you love her and your granddaughter, but as things stand now the situation is just to stressful.

You can offer to help out with watching your granddaughter from time to time, but it will need to be when it is convenient for you.

I need more details here. HOW is she mean and disrespectful.
And have you required or asked her to pay rent? Many parents I know don't make their children pay rent because they are their children. Some parents feel its wrong to charge an adult child rent.

Please answer especially with if you have asked or requested rent from her or not.

Can she afford to pay rent? If so, what would you charge her?

Would you accept a barter in place of rent money, or along with a reduced amount?

I am an adult single mother and live with my parents who are senior citizens. I originally moved in because they invited me to do so as a way to pay off some legal expenses from my divorce. Those were paid a couple years ago and I still live there because they now need me to stay - they are no longer well enough to remain in their own home if I move out. But it's not easy - we get on each other's nerves and all have to make compromises for this to work, which it frankly does work quite well for all of us.

We needed to build another bedroom so I could have my own space, and I paid for the construction to be done professionally - it was about $5,000. I also pay them $500 per month which covers rent and utilities. I pay $100 per week toward groceries and also regularly pick things up - I buy my own stuff additional to that $100 per week for my son's and my packed lunches during the week, and since my kid never stops eating (teenage athlete) I buy snacks for him. If we all go out somewhere for a meal, movie, etc. I pay for myself and my son. Occasionally when something is needed for the household, if my parent's budget is tight, I spring for it. For example, I paid the $175 to fix the broken garage door, and bought a cord of fire wood.

I do the heavy cleaning in the house as well - they are not able.

They help me in other ways - my mother cooks dinner every night during the week, which is nice because I don't have to come home from work to cook. My father gives my son rides to sports, picks up prescriptions for me and other errands that have to be done during the business day. My son does regular chores but my parents pay him for major jobs.

My parents still pay way more than me to maintain the house, but they also own the home, get the tax benefits of ownership and the equity, which I give up to live with them, so we've determined that to be reasonable.

Your daughter may not make much money, but if she receives any government benefits, paychecks, child support, etc. she can contribute something. If you do not need the money, put it in an account for her that she can use toward a home when time comes to move out.

Do not let her continue to freeload - it's as bad for her as it is for you.