Hello, for three years now I have been supporting my girl in canada. I love in trinidad. She grey up in trinidad but was born in canada. Anyway, three years ago she wanted to move back to canada to start studies. I have been supporting here ever since and she usually visits me in Trinidad a few times a year. Actually we got engaged in 2008 when she came back to trinidad, after going to canada to settle in. now after all the years and money I spent to support her, she wants to break it off. What can I do to recover anything, since she apparently played me for money using my emotions to her advantage. What can I do?

Not a single thing. Isn't love grand

Actually, by Canadian law, there is a possibility that some provinces may even consider that you have a common law relationship. If so, your girlfriend could attempt to collect support payments from you as her common law spouse... particularly because you have admittedly supported her for so long. However, that being said, I'm not sure they could/would enforce it because you live in Trinidad. I am pretty sure she could still attempt it, and possibly an order could be made in your absence. Even if they wouldn't pursue it in Trinidad, it could affect you if you ever moved to Canada.

A lot of people think that you have to live together in order to be considered as common law, but that's not necessarily true. It depends upon the Province, and there are certain things they take into consideration such as: a) did you share living arrangements; b) did the couple portray themselves as a couple to the rest of the world; c) were you both economically interdependent; d) did you share the traditional functions of a family; e) did you maintain an intimate interdependent relationship & did others perceive it that way; f) were there any childrent and if so, did you both interact as a parent to those children; and g) how were you treated by the community (i.e.: as partners?).

At any rate, no, there is likely no means of recovering anything. I think the only way would be to file a fraud charge in Trinidad and even then, it probably wouldn't go anywhere because you would likely have to prove that the intent was to defraud you right from the beginning. I suspect that is not really the case, but even if it was, it would be difficult to prove.

Probably the most healing thing would be for you to let it go and move on. Any attempts at recovering anything would just keep the whole mess in your life for as long as it would take for any resolution, and if you lost (which is highly likely) you would be right back where you are now. For your own sanity and healing, try to let go. I truly believe that what goes around comes around. She will get hers one day without your intervention. :)

Hugs, Didi

Hi Didi, thanks for the help, imagine she just mailed asking me for 4 grand to clear bills!

Your tell me! Just that in this case, its more like 100 grand... not kidding

If I sent some money via western union, which had the "loan" written in the comment space when I was sending, will that help. I used to write loan cause sometimes the WU cashier would have just casualy ask why am I sending money all the time

I assume that you could attempt to sue in a Small Claims Court for her to repay the loan. However, the jurisdiction of the court would likely only help recover a minimal amount (most are less than $5000) and you would definitely have to swear to tell the truth. I'm thinking it's a bad idea (if that's what you had in mind). My original advice stands... let it go and consider it a lesson learned.

Oh, and if she wants to break it off then you should immediately stop ALL form of contact with her. Do not reply to her emails, etc.

Hugs, Didi