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-   -   How would you treat a friend who always cancels at the last minute? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=565262)

  • Mar 25, 2011, 03:08 PM
    dincher
    How would you treat a friend who always cancels at the last minute?
    A bit upset even though I haven't expressed my annoyance with the person I'm upset with. The problem is that lately, she's been making plans and then cancelling at the last minute. She's been doing this for almost a year now, and I'm rather surprised at my own patience in having dealt with her and her cancellations.

    I've been making plans with her - sometimes months in advance, and then she cancels at the last minute. I kid you not - it's been about 10 times this year already.

    How would you guys answer to this? Whether her reasons are real or not, I'm becoming suspicious because she does this ALL the time.

    At this point, I feel like walking away from her, and never responding back to anything that she does or says. I really do feel this way right now. I don't see how anyone can be so disrespectful. I don't think that she's doing this because it's ME per se, but because I think that she's having other "better" things come up - I don't know -maybe like hooking up with dates from online sites, etc.

    She's done it again just now. Two weeks ago, we made plans to go somewhere, and she cancelled out, but decided to reschedule - and well, the rescheduling was for today. So guess what? Just now she cancelled out again!

    I was so close to replying to her with a sarcastic email, but I had great patience in not doing that.
  • Mar 25, 2011, 03:13 PM
    Wondergirl

    How old is she?
  • Mar 25, 2011, 04:34 PM
    dincher
    Not understanding why age would be an issue. 42- old enough to know better!
  • Mar 25, 2011, 04:43 PM
    Wondergirl

    I was thinking, if she is, say, 62, digestive problems could be an issue. I have a friend who always comes up with excuses not related to her physical problems, but that's the real reason. That's why I asked about age.
  • Mar 25, 2011, 04:53 PM
    Wondergirl

    Since she has disappointed you so often during the past year, why not just say no to get-togethers? It will certainly save you from more frustration and anger. Meanwhile, you two can still exchange news and views in person and by phone and via email. Just don't plan anything for a future meeting with her.
  • Mar 26, 2011, 12:56 AM
    adviceishere

    Absolutely, don't fall out with her just start making your plans with someone more reliable from now on, if she wonders why she's not being asked out tell her the truth!
  • Mar 26, 2011, 01:02 AM
    amicon

    I think I would ask her why she keeps canceling on me-then take it from there.
  • Mar 26, 2011, 05:56 AM
    QLP

    I agree with amicon - ask. To make it non-confrontational, say you are a bit worried about her. Ask if she is having some kind of problem that makes it hard for her to keep your planned arrangements. It may actually be that she is and would welcome the chance to open up honestly. In my book if you have to beat around the bush all the time with a friend it's not much of a friendship anyway.
  • Mar 26, 2011, 07:01 AM
    talaniman

    Is this the same friend who was shunning you before? Doesn't really matter, because its you trying to make something happen with a person who doesn't want things to happen. I mean what's it going to take for you to take a hint, and leave this person alone?

    You are forcing things and I don't know what it is you expect a person to do, but leaving her alone is obviously the thing she wants.

    Just do that, let them go. That's what you should have done a long time ago.
  • Mar 26, 2011, 12:19 PM
    dincher
    Talaniman, no this is a different person, and SHE is the one making the arrangements not me. So why make them if you can't keep them?
  • Mar 26, 2011, 12:20 PM
    dincher
    Comment on talaniman's post
    That person who was shunning me before and I are no longer friends. I'm really reevaluating all these people. Makes no point in me keeping people in my life who seem selfish.
  • Mar 26, 2011, 12:35 PM
    talaniman

    Do the same with this one, and stop agreeing to meet with her.
  • Apr 11, 2011, 11:18 AM
    etherial
    Would you take this crap from a man you were dating? God, I sure hope not. This person is toxic to you and you'd be a fool to continue your friendship... er, what friendship? There is a married couple who flakes on me and my guy as many times as yours, but I severed ties with them and 3 months later, they popped over without calling at 9:30 p.m. He lets their dumb-azzes in and I tried talking to them and we made dinner plans for Sunday (yesterday). Guess what? While we are shopping for dinner, the wife texted us and cancelled? Really!? Never again!! I don't want anything to do with either of them again! They sat in my dining room crying about how much they love us, yet stood us up again... and that was following our accepting them back! I say RUN!! TOXIC IS AS TOXIC DOES. I TRULY DESPISE THEM AND ONE DAY, WILL NO LONGER THINK ABOUT THEM!!
  • Sep 3, 2011, 10:40 AM
    estellestar
    I have a friend who also does this to me lot of times. We plan of getting together then canceling the last minute. The worse thing is I always end up paying the cancelation fees. For instance the last camping trip that she cancelled was non-refundable because the reservation is the next day. And the other cancellation she did before the camping trip, I almost bought the tickets for both of us. And several other cancellations! I don't even know if her reasons for canceling plans are even true. The last one was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I'm done with her. It frustrates me and depresses me. Now I'm giving my energy to my other friend that really deserves it.

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