So my girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 1/2 years and out of no where she sent me a text saying she can't be with me anymore and then I called her and she was crying and says she needs time alone right now. I was shocked, all her best friends and my best friends were shocked and my mother was shocked. She says that she loves me but her feelings for me have changed and she doesn't know if she wants this anymore. I sent her a text reminding her that I love her and she doesn't answer back or answer my phone calls so should I give up and just give her time and hope is works out? I feel if I do that I could lose her forever.

Well sadly it has been a shock for you but she has probably been thinking about this for a while, she says she needs to be alone right now then you should let her be and also take this time to reflect on things yourself,

I know its terribly confusing :confused: on the one hand you've to give her time but on the other hand you can't sit around waiting on her either, there needs to be a time limit on these things so it fair on you both, you also don't want to be giving ultimatims on when she should give you an answer, so my advice would be NC for 2 weeks and if you haven't an answer by then take matters into your own hands but don't tell her she has 2 weeks to decide, just give yourself some kind of control over this situation by giving yourself a time limit.

Yes I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this and she says she has been feelings like this for a couple weeks and has tried making it works but wants some times and can't be with me right now. I really hope this time makes her realize what she has lost and if not I will be very upset :/ but if it works it could bring us closer than we"ve ever been. I just can't imagine myself with anyone else. I am only 19 and she was my high school sweetheart and says that she just doesn't love me like she used to and says its not at all me its all her.

If she wants time, then give it to her.

You have to wonder how someone can TEXT a break-up request. Rude and cowardly if I can say so myself.

Look, don't put all your hopes in this man, she's been thinking this a while, fighting her emotions and trying to get the rights words (even if it was indeed cowardly) and she built all this courage up and found the words and said them, she's obviously pretty serious about breaking up, or she wouldn't have put herself through all that.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but you should prepare yourself for the worst. Being a high school sweetheart in my eyes is irrelavent your both still growing in them important years and your both going from teenagers to adults, big changes! Them few years can completely change a person. Careers, college, life expectations are nearly always completely different in teens and adults.

What I completely don't get is that she balls her eyes out about me and her friends go see her to talk to her to find out whatsup and she tells them she still loves me and they can tell she is wicked upset so why would she do this to herself if she doesn't want it. I mean I understand relationships get dull in this stage of it (4.5yrs) but I'm sure that she still loves me.

I think many of us learned the hard way that when we hear those words and get dumped because they need time or space, then its an attempt to let us down easy to the fact that they aren't coming back.

You are in shock now and can't move or think. That's normal, but see it as the end when you get over from the shock, and start doing your own thing. You probably don't know what that is right now, but trust me, you will have plenty of time to find out.

Welcome to the world of failed relationships. But the good news is after a proper healing, you will be ready to try again... and again... and again..!

See where this is headed?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RyanC0617

So my girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 1/2 years and out of no where she sent me a text saying she can't be with me anymore and then I called her and she was crying and says she needs time alone right now. I was shocked, all her best friends and my best friends were shocked and my mother was shocked. She says that she loves me but her feelings for me have changed and she doesn't know if she wants this anymore. I sent her a text reminding her that I love her and she doesn't answer back or answer my phone calls so should i give up and just give her time and hope is works out? I feel if I do that I could lose her forever.

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To be blunt.

When a woman tells you anything close to:

"I need time alone,
or time by myself to think ,
I need space,
Its me , not you,

Do not make future plans with that person.

You are in the process of being "let down easy"
No matter how fast or hard it is and how bad it hurts.

It is a painful and sad experience when we realize
The person we still love is really not going to be
In our life anymore.

I advise you to prepare by stopping all contact

Do not write, call, text, social network , or exchange
Any information with that person.

As hard and horrible and unlikely as this sounds to you now,
99% of these situations end in separation ,
If not right now, then after two or three tries
At remaining together. Which prolong the agony and delay the healing.

If there were a nice way to say this without adding to false hope
I would. But there is no way to sugarcoat this pain.
I know.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RyanC0617

What i completely don't get is that she balls her eyes out about me and her friends go see her to talk to her to find out whatsup and she tells them she still loves me and they can tell she is wicked upset so why would she do this to herself if she doesn't want it. I mean i understand relationships get dull in this stage of it (4.5yrs) but im sure that she still loves me.

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Don't beat yourself up analyzing everything she is doing right now. She's trying to sort out some confusion in her head and you just need to worry about yourself now.

Prepare yourself for the worst, as was advised, and give her the space she requested. Don't go out of your way to find out how she's doing or how she's acting, it's just going to be more painful to hear about and far worse to analyze. Do what you need to do to get your mind off it.

Good luck!

Being the dumpee is sometimes extremely hard to do! Especially such a long term relationship, this happened me once, I was with my ex 3 years, things seemed OK, I wasn't feeling the love anymore but he always treated be really well and a good friend too, so telling him it was over was very upsetting for me because I had to make a decision to hurt his feelings and feared he wouold hate me forever, even though I was doing it for OUR own good, it wouldn't have been fair to just feel sorry for him and carry on so as not to hurt him. I had to be honest and I cried about it but I also felt relieved.

Believe me when I say that doing nothing is the best idea. I went through this in a 1 and a 1/2 year relationship. I got her back by getting a new girlfriend which made her jealous, left that one to get back with her, only to get dumped again. Don't do what I did. End it now.

Don't call/text/facebook her at all. In fact, you should delete/block her so that none of her stuff comes up on your news feed. Believe me when is say that Facebook is the devil. You'll over analyze and interpret everything she does. Every little comment. It will drive you insane.

Let it go. Whether you want her back or not, it's always the best option to let her do her own thing and let you do yours. The last thing you want to do is make it look like you need her. Women hate neediness.

Let her go. Find a hobby. Do anything and everything you've ever dreamed of but didn't have the time to do because of her.

You've been given a lot of excellent advice.

Moving on with your own life is what you must do now.

Staying 100% no contact will help
You-see it as a detox.

Breakups are never easy,but you'll get past this,we all do.

Threads merged

So I am 19 years old about to be 20 and my girlfriend is 19 and about to be 20 too. We have been dating for 4.5 years and everything has seemed fine. She all of a sudden broke up with me and said she needs time to be alone right now and said she doesn't feel the same attraction she use to feel towards me.

She has currently lost 40 pounds and reached her goal and I've been through everything with her. I loved her for who she was and thought she was beautiful no matter what.

She broke up with me through a text and 2 days ago and she sent me a text saying she wants to talk to me more because she feels terrible about how she broke up with me. I want to know is there anything I can do to help her change her mind, or should I just be open minded, and go and listen to her, and accept this.

And how does a girl all of a sudden stop being attracted to the person she's been dating for that long. I told her I'd make anything to make this work and have granted her wished and have been giving her time and not hassling her. None of her friends are on her side with her decision and they back me up 100% and don't understand why she is doing this and how you can just stop loving someone like that.

I would not be bothered with any more of her relieving her guilt at your expense.

Sure she feels bad about dumping you by a text, but now she only wants to do it in person. What more can she do to you? The answer is whatever you let her do, so stay with NC, which you obviously have not done yet, and save yourself the misery, because its not about her changing her mind.

I think the weight loss has changed how she feels about herself, so of course you bear the brunt of those changes.

Do you need a 'second breakup'?
Just so that she can feel less bad about her dumping you by text after more than 4 years together?

Harsh as this will sound,she lost a lot of weight,now she wants to see what's out there.

Go no contact,as in no communication whatsoever.
None.

I'm sorry,you sound like a decent guy,but you will get through this,heal from the breakup and love again.

It's her loss.