Mixed Feeligs But At The Point Of No Return ( I Really Need HELP)
Im sorry its so long but I tried to put as much details so I can get the most detailed answer so when I'm thinking like this in the future I can read these answers and not worry no more.
I'm in a new relationship after breaking up with my ex with mixed emotions.
Me and my ex been together for 23 months 2 years basically and that was so stressful with her. She had trust issues and from the get go she never gave me the benefit of the doubt and I feel that affected everything that happened in our relationship. From accusing me of cheating to believing I didn't love her, to her basically having a wall up the whole relationship and not really opening up to me. The relationship was rocky in the beginning having to deal with a lot of misunderstandings and lack of communication ( to overcome the misunderstandings) and I say died 8 months in. From that point on it was a struggle trying to fix things and make things work ( because we loved each other ). We broke up multiple time with her trying to in the first year to me the second year. Somewhere during that process I wasn't happy at all and when I was in public I would look at other girls they didn't have to look better than her but what was going on in my head was " maybe she would treat me better than my gf is" and I found that to be really sad and hurt me because she treated me like nothing. Im the type of person that reasonable and don't like drama so when drama accurs I try my hardest to talk things out and fix things before they turn into anything else. Im the type that is really mellow and she was the opposite.Now since I gave you a little info on that relationship, it was basically UNHEALTHY.
Now to why I'm on here seeking help to my problem. First off I want to say I never thought to cheat live two lives none of that I don't believe in that at all and I really can't see how people actually do that to each other. Well anyway I broke up with my ex DEC 20 2010. That day I got in contact with my current GF ( she was a old friend from elementary school. We started talking about nothing like that just about memories from back in the day and child hood things that happened all day and then I realized that this girl actually WANTED to talk to me and was awhole lot more than my GF did and that made me think and then thinking turned into considering her but nothing like that it was something like ( it would be cool if I was wit her ). Then after a whole day of talking to her my GF hits me up responding to a 6 hour old text and later that night it happened I ended it because after I considered her just a little bit I thought to myself why am I considereing other girls when I have a GF and that's when I know it had to end.ON JAN 4 2011 after two weeks of talking non stop all day every day mostly because she initiated I got feelings for her and me and my current GF made it official and been happy ever since. NOw I'm a strict believer that people can change and even though my relationship with my ex was hell I feel that because of her past she treated me the way she did and that she could have change if I gave her one more chance and now I'm constantly feeling bad about what I have done. I feel it wasn't her fault and that it would have eventually worked out in the long run. So while my current GF is always letting me know that she is so grateful that she found me and how much she loves me, me on the other hand feels the same because this relationship is mature and she does everything I tried to get my ex to do for 2 years and more than I ask for with out me saying anything. AND IT WAS NOTHING BUT THE BASICS EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS TO ME AND ACT ON YOUR FEELINGS WHICH SHE Didn't. I haven't accepted letting go of my ex. Im at the point of no return because me and my GF already had sex a lot of times and her heart is in it all the way while mine is half way because I haven't accepted that I let my ex go. The thought that constantly crosses my mind is should I let my girlfriend go tlk to my ex and rekindle that? I can't because I know if she slept with another dude threw this breakup I wouldn't want her back so I feel she's the same and on top of that I broke it off and its been 3 months since then and the day of the break up she begged and begged and all that then the next day she said "i miss u" but nothing after that ? I was expecting her to let me be for a week because before all of our breakups wasnnt really breakups just got to that boiling point when she was threatening and I was threatening to leave and then we would talk and go back at it so it was never this serious, and then try to contact me again and try to talk or at least write me a long message trying to get me back but no, does that mean in that time she relaized that the best thing for us was not to be together ? I really need help because I feel sooooo bad that I'm thinking like this and I just want to move on since I have to live with my decission anyway. Should I tell my girlfriend what's going on in my head and have her help me get over this? By the way she doesn't know exactly that I basically broke up with my ex because I considered her. Or should I just keep it all in ? Because this is killing me because my ex was my first love ( a rough love ) but first love, first long relationship, first person to actually love me and all that mushy stuff and I want her back but in reality I don't because after two years things did not get better just worse. Thanks everyone in advance for taking your time to help me .