Sex is just not satisfying with my husband. He is overweight (350+ and 5'7") and has a smaller penis (3-4 inches) but I do not think this is the sole cause of the dissatisfaction because when we were first married, I didn't have much of a problem with either. A) I am sort of attracted to "bigger" guys anyway, and we used to has so much sex and he gave me a lot of sexual (foreplay) and physical attention constantly. But it just seems to be getting worse and worse. He could never last very long (usually a few minutes) but I could get past it before because he could get up his manhood and go again several more times, now he can't (or won't) even do that. He is VERY physically demanding of me, always wanton back rubs, hand rubs, wanting me to hold him, etc, but he is AWFUL at reciprocating those favors. If he even does at all, it is usually a rushed job, or he is so careless that he rubs too hard and hurts me rather than makes me feel better. He is constantly begging for my touch and attention so often that I really don't even have the chance to ask these things of him. When we have sex, he will get off quickly, and go about his business, usually not even offering to take care of me. On the occasions that he DOES offer (or I ask) either the experience is rushed and bad and doesn't yield intended results, or I just flat out refuse altogether because I don't want to put him through the embarrassment that I can't get off with him (I CAN get off on my own though). I have actually brought up bits and pieces of my concerns over the years ( we've been married almost 8 years) but it just NEVER comes out at the right time and I always end up really hurting his feelings an basically taking back everything I said to make him feel better. My sexual and physical frustration is so great at this point that I have started fantasizing about having sexual relationships/affairs with other men. I love him very much and I could NEVER leave him, especially just because of sex, but I need to do something because I can't go another 30 or so years like this when in the past 8 I have already become this unhappy... What can I do?

From my perspective it looks like he is manipulating you to get what he wants with putting in the minimal effort required. When you say against you hurt his feelings and take back everything.

I am not sure he realizing he is doing this at the moment either. I also am not sure he knows how deeply this is affecting you.

The best idea is to sit him down and talk to him in a confrontational manner. Tell him how you are feeling. How this is affecting you. Don't accuse him. Listing off this character faults at this point will do you no good whatsoever! You need a good dialog. You will hurt him. Steel yourself against that. It is a partnership and you're just catering to him, he needs to cater to you. Don't do this in the bed room. This needs to be as... neutral as possible.

Figure out what is going on and why. See if you can't fix it. Failing that couple's counselling is a good thing. Communication here has totally broken down and you need to fix it.

A little mental exercise here is for you to start concentrating on everything that is going good and going right in the relationship. When something goes bad it tends to occupy your mind to the exclusion of everything good. Take a moment and centre yourself. Think of the good things in the proper measure.

Good luck.

His being overweight can cause A LOT of these issues. If he has gained MORE weight since you first met, that could be a major issue.

How to confront him: Well, this is a touchy subject for any guy. If my wife needed to talk to me about this, I would probably get defensive at first, and then open up. Let him know you need to talk to him about something important. (make sure you have enough time to finish the conversation, don't start it 15min before work and then put it on hold).

Make sure this topic is about his weight and not about the SEX. The Weight issue is a concern for health and the SEX issue will come across "selfish".

Go right into your Being concerned for his Health. Let him know that you care about him and you want to see him get healthy. Bring up the issues you notice (make sure the lack of SEX is in there).

And then Listen to his responses, and communicate from there. --it's going to be very awkward at first, expect him to be defensive.

--NOW for the important part, if you want him to make changes, you are going to have to do the same. There is NO WAY he can make drastic changes to his lifestyle without you being apart of them. ---- Just like someone trying to quit smoking, if the one partner does not quit, chances are, the other won't either.

--Good Luck.

Thanks for the advice. I have made changes, but I don't know what else to do. I have always tried to live a healthier lifestyle, but he has no interest really. For instance I have expressed my concerns about his health because he smokes a lot but he doesn't seem to care at all an in fact we have even fought about it. I know I need to confront the issue again, but I am so worried about pissing him of or hurting him. Our relationship in EVERy other aspect has been so incredible, especially over the past 6 months or so, I feel like if I bring this issue up things will never be the same again, and like I would be losing all of the progress we've been making in other areas of our relationship. Here is something else that he just told me today and that is that he feels insecure because I "man up" in a lot of situations but that's because I feel like I have to because he doesn't. For instance, I make almost 40g's more than him, or say when we disagree with something a friend does, it's me who has to confront them, and I just kind of feel like I run the house too. Not to say he is lazy or doesn't help out or anything because he does, he's one of the hardest working people I have ever known. I'm so so so worried about hurting his self esteem even more by bringing up the topic.

I understand where you are coming from. To be worried about his feelings means you care. At the same time, you do not want to see him degrade in front of your eyes. My wife told me "I do not want you dying before me, I couldn't take it".. . She approached it in a way that was kind of quirky, but the conversation got more serious. She just wanted me to know that I could DIE from gaining weight (I had issues with Blood Pressure and Cholesterol). It sucks, but you doing it for Both of you.