Hi,
My name is Denise and I am so confused and hurt I need help.So let me give you some history about my daughte who is 24 and myself who is 47.. It took me 3 years to get pregnant and when my daughter was born I felt blessed.She grew up very spoiled with gifts from grandma and lots of love from her father and myself and her brother t 14 she was diagnosed with 3rd tage ancer and asked me to promise never to leave her side and I promised so for the next year and a half we lived in a hospital fighting for her life I was told she would not survive.As promised I never left her I spent 24/7 with her and I was scared.. Our family fell apart after she came home (not due to her cancer) After that we wore on our own her in a wheelchair unable to walk .I eventually had to return to work this caused so much stress I began to have seizures .I met man who she seamed to adore and he taught her to walk again helped financially and baught my daughter a car all eamed well we got her back in school where she met her future husband .all the time we had a close relationship.. I let her boyfriend move in because he had a troubled home and the world started to feel normal again .After a few moves do to financial problems.My daughter started college and during this time I heard from a friend my daughters boyfriend was telling hurtfull lies about me.. example of this he told peopl I sold her wheelchair and made her crawl on hands and knees,I sold her laptop while she was recovering and other very nasty things I was crying when she got home and she seamed very upset with him and said if he said anything else false she would leave him.Things seamed fine for awhile they got married and only told me 4 days before and involved me in nothing and didn't even tell her father,brother or anyone else in her family when I asked about why I found out4 days before she said because that's when he asked ( I didn't believe it then and I still don't)He joined the ARMy and was stationed in Germany and as she was their visiting he was deployed to Iraq.I was outside paccking her things to move to Germany and my things to move into another place,when to Army men walked up my drive.. I new he was gone that day my daughter begged me not to leave her and not to move again I did this for my child fter this the real trouble began We got through all the things that wore extremely heartbreaking.. As I mentioned I have seizures at the airport on the way to the dinified transfer I bhad what is called an Aura wich happens before a seizure you become extremely confused not noiing who you are or where your at and of course you can not get on a plane like this my daughter has witnessed this and knows next comes the seizure.. so I was left wondering around an airport not knowing who I was the found me in a bathroom in the early morning hours and called the police who called an mbulance hen I came to they filled me in I incisted I had to get to my daughter not realising she had left me in the airport to fin for myself.This I did not know for a few months to come.. We went into mourning it was a dark rough time a few months after his passing we had went to the store I was having trouble walking because I had water on the knee after a bad surgery,I was in massive pain and the knee was swollen bad I asked her to take me to emergency she refused and started screaming at me then she called my son and said I was screaming at her ,I started crying this hurt so I got home and cried privatly in my room she came to the door nocked when I did not respond rite away she sked if she needed to call 911 so they could get me mental help for being upset and said because I might commit suicide (never have I thought about taking my own life or threatened to do so)things excalated from here fast and bad.. wehad a few arguments over the next few months and every time she screamed she wished she was dead and wished the cancer had taken her.I begged her to get help .That never happened.. she got nastier with me s time went by .Then she started seeing an old girlfriend of hers her so called friend was not 21 but had been drinking heavily for numerous years and was a severe alcoholic I discussed this with my daughter who whole heartedly agreed and the her friend introduced her to all her drinking buddies they call themselved The red neck rrinking team it is a mob of drunks that drin till they black out ,sleep around and destroy homes,cars,peole they don't care so my girl went from mourning to drinking and she got ***** slapped into the drinking team.Party's at home nightly omce they figured out she had money and a place to gather at.So while I was still mourning the partys began she even had big one the day my Mother passed away .They partied 7 days a week my neighbors called the police night after night they didn't care or stop we had a disabled neighbor one with a new baby one in a wheelchair when I confronted my daughter she said she could care less,I was getting no sleep and she said she would calm it down that made it worse they tore up my house left a mess put cigarretts out in our food and they wore all drinking and driving of course we kept arguing about these things after months of this I put in a 30 day notice to move.. not only did I find out she also drinks and drives but has been telling peopleI am crazy and how I am a pill popper and that she does't miss her husband and how she is doing great that her only problem is her crazy mother I also through watching and listening to her with friends have found out she lies a lot so now I have no idea if her husband was saying those vile things or if it was my daughter.I moved in with her father a month ago because we have been planing to retire together,she fallowed me here and told friends I fallowed her and that I should be homeless and under a bridge but she saved me,how do I know this her friends attacked me on Facebook for 4 hours as she watched and let them when I took a break from the madness and went to an old friends when I got home she has removed me as her mother off face book... Help I have begged her to get away from these people and to prove she does not have a drinking problem but that didn't happen.So at this point we are not speaking in her eyes I am no longer her mother.. P.S She now goes to a club called bondage a go go and yes it is sexual bondage acts.. I had also found out she was drunk in a shower with a girl who has a sexualy transmitted diseae

I asked a question about my 24 year old daughter who lost her hsband in the war over a year ago.. Now she is swimming in a bottle of jack daniels and is in a mob of drunks that drink till they black out have the police called all the time they destroy homes and family they drive drunk and my daughter got so drunk she ended up in a shower with another girl that has an STD ,my daughter is also driving drunk ,she does not talk to family unless it's a lie.She disowned me as a mother because I asked her toget away from these people that she never even new till 6 months after her husband was killed and to set the bottle down for a month because I was afraid she was already an alcoholic.She said she would but has not I ctch her in lies all the time and she has said very hurtful things to and about me.. We wore extremely close before the mob of drunks came along.my daughter went through cancer and almost died and she missed her young teenage years these people know she has money and she buys all there alcohol since none of them work they all spend there days drinking and druging some of these rugsare weed,inhalents,cocaine,extacy she swears she's not doing drugs but I have severe doubts please help

I feel very sad for your daughter. How hard it must be to lose your spouse to war.

Is she seeing a therapist? It seems like she's not doing the greatest job managing her pain, and she should definitely seek professional help as a healthy outlet and a way to find direction.

As far as your personal relationship with her goes, there is not a lot you can do about it. She is an adult and she is making her own decisions. I would say you should ask her to see a therapist out of love. You should understand that she is going through a painful, confusing time-don't let her actions and decisions now drive YOU away. Be there for her unconditionally, because I'm sure at some point she will want her mommy.

By being there for her I don't mean you have to support her habits, or approve of them. I mean try to be there for her when she needs to cry or needs comfort. And begging her to see a professional for help is also showing her a lot of love.

I hope she finds healing and comfort soon. I'm sorry your family is dealing with this.

Southamerica,Not only have I asked her to see a therapist... she promised me and her father she would have course she went back out drinking and her so called friends called the red neck drinking team convinced her this would not be good for her and told her we wore the crazy ones ,I offered to go with her she agreed when it came time she flaked and went to a bondage club.. Also please understand she was left a lot of money and this group nows it and kows how to get her to spend it.. ofcourse I will always be there when she needs me we wore always close as mother and daughter not friends .We have been through a lot together her Cancer the death of her husband.I am crushed inside and cry a lot because she has let this group of people say nasty things about me and she is saying many lies about me and treating me like a dog.I let her e at her request and told her I loved her but her and her friends attack me verbaly daily one example the day my mother died they all came over had a huge party till am.when I couldn't walk she refused to take me to emergency .her drinking team has broke windows in my home,put ciggaretts out in our food,the police wore being called nightly and she would not stop nomatter what I said

Deniseisamom: Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do for your daughter at this time, until she wants and asks for help. I would suggest that you get help for yourself and think about you for awhile. I am definitely NOT saying that you are crazy, my daughter has also called me mental, over and over again. I did my best and by providing what I could, vacations, food, home, never wanted for anything... except what I gave her was never good enough. I bought $25 jeans and she wanted $80 jeans. I bought $150 shoes, she wore them one day and never wore them again. She is an adult now and won't let me see my 2 year old granddaughter. I cry all the time, too. I don't know why our daughters blame us for their pain. I was involved in Al-Anon for quite a few years many years ago and know that drugs and alcohol hurts families. You will learn how to detach from their behaviors. They use 2 weapons: anger and anxiety, to control you. It was the best thing I ever did for me. Also, go to a website called NAMI.ORG and you can learn about different illnesses. Remember the quote 'you can bring a horse to water, but you can't force him to drink it.' I wish that weren't true. You will learn about enabling, the hardest thing to stop doing because you love her so much. Your heart is ripped out. I know all the feelings. Good luck Denise... my heart goes out to you.