I have a 6 month old daughter. I have never seen her, her mother said she was someone elses'child. She had a dna test ordered and I am the father. She will not let me see her or be coopertive at all. She says her fiancé wants to adopt her. I don't have a job,or much money. I've had 2 cars engines both blow in three weeks each,so I don't have a car. I'm also a recovering drug addict. At first I told her no way would I give my child away,but now I'm starting to wonder if she's right. I'm 28 and obviously not very responsible,though I wasn't dealt the best hand either,that's no excuse though. I'm really starting to think she may be better off without me in her life now. She has a family, does she really need me to come in and confuse things. At the same time I feel an attatchment and responsibility for her. I wish I could see her all the time. Am I just being selfish,or would she be better off with me in her life. I don't want to be a deadbeat dad, I don't want to get in the way either. I'm pretty sure I could never sign her rights away,but I'm just looking for some input. Oh her mother and 'stepfather' hate me. I don't know if that makes a difference

This is your child and her mother has no right to keep her away from you unless she can prove that you would be a risk to the child.

What you need to do is go to court and get visitation.

You have a right to be a part of this child's life, and whether the mother and her boyfriend hate you has nothing to do with your relationship with your child. They can hate you all they want, but they don't have a right to deny you the right to see your flesh and blood.

Fight for this. Fight for your child. Hopefully the mother will realize that the only one she's hurting by denying you access, is the child.

I do hope you're paying child support.

If your goals are overcoming what put you where you are now, and becoming a responsible person that would be a positive influence on a child's life , that is what you should do.

To say you face an uphill battle is a vast understatement .

You need to start sending support payments asap. It will be a struggle , but if you have 10, send 5.
Then save 3 for an attorney and get to love raman noodles , bus rides, cheap rooms , and working your butt off.

The "Justice System" does not mean justice is always served.

Sex always means you may be creating a child that requires obligations and commitments.

Hindsight is 20/20 .

As a man, I would give it all I had to be a positive influence and good parent.
The alternative can haunt the rest of your life.

Well said Martin.

I am a mom of 2. I am married, so my situation isn't at all like the OP's, but I can say one thing. As soon as I had my kids, they became the most important thing to me. If I have to do without so they can have the things they need, then so be it. If that means missing meals, or not having a fancy car, or nice clothes, then that's what I'll do.

The fact that the OP wants to be a part of his child's life, that should be the wake up call he needs in order to get his life back on track. It will be an uphill climb, but you can't reach the top if you don't start climbing. Sitting at the bottom twiddling your thumbs and hoping, that's not going to get the job done.

Time to get your hiking gear on and start climbing. There's nowhere to go but up. :)

I'm of two minds on this issue. Like religion, all the good and all the bad, how do you weigh each?

There is far too much demanding of blood rights over children, as though they are inventions you have a patent on. A woman gets pregnant, the man splits, or abuses her, or refuses to help with support while she is waddling around with back pain and swollen ankles, or nursing and changing diapers. Later he gets all macho over HIS genes being in this new person and he decides he is entitled to his rights. Yes, people here are making it clear that he will need to give actual real money for the support of that child, but does it really give him some inherent right? Our culture is designed right now so that it does, but some of that is legal convenience, for the father who did nothing to warrant his inability to see his offspring. Father rights are creeping into abortion rights too. And I don't blanket agree with that either.

OP seems to have a good heart even though he is not leading an exemplary life. I'm a little dubious though, since how do you have no job and yet go through 2 engines in 3 weeks? How do you even afford a vehicle? No job, no money, 2 engines, hmmm, sounds too much like dealing to me. Hey, forgive me for being jaded and I apologize if I'm wrong.

On the other hand, the child may want to see her bio father someday, as many many do. So I would do as the others suggest, and refuse to give her up for adoption. But I would not make a huge deal over visitation every week UNTIL you are stable and responsible. And if you aren't going to fork over the dough every month, then no visits.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ;

matthewpj

would she be better off with me in her life.

---

If you make it so , she will be better off.

That's a dad's job.

And it is worth all the blood sweat and tears.