My name is Trisha. This is my husband profile. He is fully aware of this post... I'd like to get a few peoples opinion in this. My husband and I have been going back and forth over this same issue for a while now. We are in counseling together and both committed to working out our obstacles. I have listened to our counselor(s) and am not 100% confident with their opinion. It's not important that I reveal their opinion at this time as I am looking for an unbiased opinion from other people... HERE IT GOES... Years before I meet and married to my husband, as a teenager I fooled around with two different guys I was in a relationship with at separate times. We would touch and mutually masturbate each other to orgasm (no finger penetration). In each instance when my boyfriend(s) and I attempted to have sex they would insert their penis and it would go in just past my lips up to my hymen and then stop. The penis never actually entered my vagina. In both instances as soon as it hit my hymen I would quickly get up and make some excuses as to why I couldn't continue (nerves I guess). I was never sexual with any other person until I meet my husband. I did masturbate often after those two boyfriends and prior to my husband. During this time of learning to masturbate I broke my hymen through self pleasure with various objects. Fast forward a few years. I meet my husband, dated and during this dating period my husband revealed to me that he wasn't a virgin and I told him that I was still a virgin. We soon married and I was fully penetrated by my husband (we waited until marriage). As the years progressed in our marriage I told my husband all the details of my past exploits. He feels betrayed-as if I lied to him. He I tell him I was a virgin but he insists that I lost my virginity during those teenage years with the first boyfriend. He is aware that I lost my hymen through masturbation but insists that I was sexually active through mutual masturbation with them and that I lost my virginity as soon as their penis entered my lips even though they never broke my hymen. What do you think?

I think you were sexually active. The not breaking of the hymen was technical, the fact that you were naked and involved in sexual activity with other men is the important point.

F you had not consented to the sexual activity, those men could have been charged with rape, and their claim that their penis had not broken your hymen would not have kept them out of jail.

If you found your husband with his penis in another woman's vagina, and he claimed it didn't count because he only entered as far as her hymen, would you be convinced?

Eileen is right. You were sexually active.

As to the question of whether you lost your virginity before marriage, technically, yes, you did. However I know of a lot of people who define losing their virginity differently (e.g. oral sex, intercourse, masturbation).

I think the main issue between you and your husband is (or should be) whether you intended to deceive him by saying you were a virgin. Open communication as to why the miscommunication occurred is in order here. Hopefully he will understand your point of view and you will be able to move past this (especially if your intent was to be honest from the start). I wish you and your husband luck!

Your husband need to get a grip here.

So do you.

You were not unfaithful to him, you've never cheated on him. He can't go back in time and accuse of not being a virgin. So what that you weren't. It was silly of you to suggest that you were, because obvioulsy you had sex with two other guys.

The penis is only in 'so far' and 'mutual masterbation' comments all add up to having sex. You weren't a bad person, or a lesser person, or a person who deserves to be punished or ridiculed because of having had some sexual history prior to marriage.

Your husband I presume is making some ridiculous judgment based on penis placement; that somehow you're a virgin if the penis doesn't penetrate the hymen. What a lot of hogwash. Surely the two of you have more important things to deal with.

If you are in counselling together, remember that not all counsellors are created equal. There should be NO judgment, or calling a winner, or a loser during therapy. The counsellor should be helping you get past this problem, settle with it, and move on.

Sex can be any act that brings sexual pleasure through stimulation, and even though you didn't have full intercourse(?), whatever the hell that means, you were still experimenting with your bodies.

Who cares if you are/were a virgin? That has little to do with character and compatibility. Don't get hung up on word games and intentions of when you were young.

I would charge you both double if I were your counselor, and send you home because that's the dumbest argument a couple could have. Probably neither of you knows enough about love and sex to fill a thimble and instead of arguing semantics, learn about each other and of love and devotion, loyalty and trust. That's why you both are WRONG!!