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-   -   Should I meet her? Can opposite sex be platonic friends? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=564147)

  • Mar 21, 2011, 08:44 PM
    wierdooooooo
    Should I meet her? Can opposite sex be platonic friends?
    Last year, I fell in love with this girl and confessed to her. However, at that same time, she already had someone else in mind. We still went out very often and could talk for hours. I just felt that she was the one and had the feeling that I could actually die for her. It was that strong. One day, seeing her with the guy, I had never felt so sad before. However I couldn't move on and still continued contacting her.

    She only treated me as a good friend, wanted to be good friends and said that there was no chemistry but I treated her more than that. After some time, she and the boy she really loved totally broke off contact. She was devastated and I was always there for her. Now that she's back on her feet and got into her first job, doing well in life, I am really happy for her.

    And so I tried to move on. Months passed and we seldom contact anymore. Recently, she told me that she has become rather close with another guy. Even though I always tell myself to move on since she will never be the one for me, she asked me out for a movie and I agreed. After we parted that day, the feelings came back and I really miss her.

    I still want to move on and dun want to be hurt again. I think its weird that I go out with her because of my feelings for her but she insists that its not weird, and that I'm weird for thinking that way.

    I find it tough to be platonic friends and am trying to forget her.

    Should I meet her if she asks me out again?
  • Mar 21, 2011, 09:31 PM
    grammadidi

    I think that you should tell her how you are feeling and ask if she still only feels that you both will just be friends and nothing more. If she does, and you really do want to move on, then you need to tell her that the only way you can move on is to stop seeing her. Then you need to stick to it or you will continually be hurt and it will be difficult to move on. You might miss out on the true love of your life! I have my own "Didism" - "When in doubt.... don't!" You aren't sure that you should meet with her because you know, deep inside, that you shouldn't. It will be difficult but it will be worth it.

    Hugs, Didi
  • Mar 21, 2011, 09:36 PM
    macdoncl

    I'm in this exact situation (except it's the other way around) the man I have loved for two years does not share my feelings and we have to work together on a regular basis. I know how hard it is and how much it hurts. All I can say is to be strong, you can do this. I don't know if my advice is really applicable because I haven't had the strength or courage to say it myself. But what I want to tell him is that I don't want to do this anymore. That he (in your case she) needs to decide what he wants from me and then we need to move on accordingly. I go through everyday pretending that it doesn't bother me and I'm sure that you are just as tired of it as I am. All I can say, is that if it's too painful to go on like this then maybe it's time to move on and get away from her. Maybe when she sees how much she's hurting you she'll let you walk away. And if she can't see how much she's hurting you then she didn't deserve you in the first place. Hope this helps.
  • Mar 22, 2011, 01:38 AM
    amicon

    You can't get over your feelings for her if you try to keep a friendship going.

    Time to move forwards,without her in your life.
  • Mar 22, 2011, 06:42 AM
    Devorameira

    Sometimes it's impossible to remain friends with someone you had feelings for.

    Sounds to me like you need to go complete "no contact" and really move on.
  • Mar 22, 2011, 07:40 AM
    talaniman

    If you spent as much time and effort doing your own thing as you do having "feelings" for her, you would have a healthy balanced life with plenty to look forward to, and her presence wouldn't even be an issue. Just because you are disappointed that you are just friends, doesn't mean you have to talk every day or even go to a movie.

    You simply get busy with your own life, and enjoy your own options for fun and happiness, as you are putting way too much focus on her, and spending time with her. You are making way too much of your own feelings my friend, instead of coping with them. There will be many other things you can do with your time besides wrestling with your own disappointment, and if I were you, I would be busy doing other things that I enjoyed to have time for someone who had other priorities.

    That's the problem, you have not adjusted your priorities, and taken the appropriate actions so you can move on. Think about it, if you were doing other things, you would hardly have the time to worry about what she was doing, or with whom.

    You maybe will never forget her, but you can put this in its proper place in your life, as someone you know, and have shared with, while you are building a life that you enjoy without her. Without drama, or fanfare, or any confessions of your feelings that only makes it hard on yourself. Look around you, don't you have other friends that you enjoy?? You should.

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