My husband has become increasingly abusive over the last few years. I have no choice to listen to his abuses as I am dependent on him financially for myself and my son's education unless I can fend for myself financially. I don't have any family except for my son who is 19 and too young to understand how low I am feeling. I have many friends all over the world but I don't feel like telling them anything as I have realised that there is not much they can do except sympathise. I don't want to impose upon them. I am in my fifties and it is really difficult to get a job. Listening to his abuses I feel like I am becoming unhinged... this can't be happening to me... but it is and I have to bear it... what can I do?

You can absolutely tell your friends, tell them all! I would want my friend to tell me if she was going through this and I wouldn't think she was bothering me with her problems, I would also help as much as I could, I wouldn't just sympathise. This is what friends are for and its also good to just vent your anger and sadness. Someone might even help to find a job for you. I'm so sorry to hear your feeling so down, there's so many support systems out there for women and men in your situation. Your could speak to a counselor also, this will help build yourself esteem back up and you will eventually be ready to break free. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I'm sorry you are in this awful situation.

You need to leave,even though it seems impossible-go to a women's shelter-seek help for yourself and your son.

You should tell your friends as you really need support.

Could your son get financial funding-grants etc for his education?

You really do NOT have to put up with abusive behaviour from anyone.

Is he physically abusive as well?

It's apparent from your other thread that your son is now treating you like your husband does. Time to get up and get out.

You NEED your friends right now. They aren't giving you sympathy, but support.

There are women's shelters that can help you get on your feet. At your age it certainly is difficult to get into the job market, that is why you file for alimony when you file for divorce.

Your husband's and your son's treatment of you is called abuse. Plain and simple. No one deserves to be abused.

Your son is a man, he can make his own choices and fail on his own, so leave your husband and get a life you enjoy without either of them.

Stop making excuses for everyone else's behavior, and worry about your own, since you allow the men in your life to abuse you, when you have other choices and options. You just have to act instead of letting others act for you.

Thank you Talaniman. I don't know how to put this but getting myself "a life" after 30 years is difficult. Especially when that entire duration has revolved around them! I don't know where to start. I have tried to do some investing for people as I know a lot about the markets but there is no substantial income from which I can lead an independent life! My choices and options are very limited at this age! Where do I start?

The first step is always the hardest.

I would start b making my mind up,and sticking to it,that enough is enough.

Then I would engage the support of my friends,talk to them about my problems and start looking at what I could do.

I would look for a job,any job,so I could put a roof over my head and food on my table.

Then I would take it from there,night classes-whatever it would take to better my position.

You must make your mind up to choose YOU rather then this awful limbo of a life.

Please do!

Hi and thanks Amicon... I have tried to talk with my friends and they are supportive.. I cannot ask anyone for financial help and believe me there is no job for someone my age and I have searched! I have a university degree in Psychology but that is of no help.

.. and Amicon.. there is food... stressing out is making me put on lots of weight... no good for my esteem... am going down... :)

There you go, making excuses, instead of choices. It may take years to build a life, but you must make the first move. If you cannot find a job, volunteer at a hospital, or school, as a teachers aid or something where they need some help. You may have to start small, at the bottom, and slowly work into other things. Do it, don't just think it. Make a choice to make a plan, and follow through. Its your choice to do something, or do nothing.

I am already doing volunteer work.. talaniman and I am not making excuses ! I have no family other than my son. It is very difficult for me to come to terms with the present situation as I have lived a very sheltered life since marriage. I would like to buy property and settle somewhere where no one knows me and start life afresh! Can you advise how that can be done?

I am extremely confused. In a comment on a post in your thread about your son (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...he-563714.html), you say:

Quote:

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I can understand his uncertainty as I too am uncertain about the inflow of money on a monthly basis. His father sends money erratically.

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Where does your husband live?
What country do you live in?
How much contact do you actually have with him?
How many women is he currently married to?
Are you legally by the laws of your country married to your husband?
What happens to you if he suddenly dies?
Will his other families continue to take care of you and your son?

It seems to me that you need to sit down with your son and be brutally honest with him about your living situation and that the only way he is going to have any security is to have a job of his own and bring in money instead of being a drain on finances.

Have you looked into tutoring for a fee? What about babysitting or pet sitting? How are your office skills? Are there any agencies that place temporary workers in you area?

Are you still going to school? If so, what have your plans been for after you leave school?

Excellent questions... We live in different countries but were married in the UK. My husband produced false documents of his divorce. I left him after I figured out that he had cheated me and was never going to take me to his country ! I subsequently took up a job. He came back and married me again producing further proof of his divorce and promising to take me to his country. We registered the marriage and he was off once again. This time I was not able to walk away as I was having a baby ! He would visit and spend 3-4 months in a year with us. I was most miserable but could do nothing as he would chase me down if I tried to be independent. In time I gave up and concentrated on my son. I have all the documentation.. it remains to be seen if the papers were falsely prepared. If he dies I will have nothing. My friends tell me that my son has equal rights along with his two step brothers who are now running their father's business. I cannot blame my son.. he has never seen happy times!

His family and his friends.. everyone is aware of our marriage. I lived with my mother in law in the US for a couple of years but then I was young and he threatened to commit suicide if I left him. I don't care anymore for my life.. it's my son's life and future that I am concerned about. I don't wish to face anyone in my country. I have some savings and would like to relocate if possible.. sometimes I think I should get a visa and fly out to his country . He has a high profile and would be terribly embarrassed! He doesn't think that I have the courage which is not true.. I would not like it to be any messier than it already is!. thanks for taking the time..

I don't know which country you are currently living in,but if you have savings,use them to restart your own life.

Your son is an adult and must take responsibility for his own life.