Ask Me Help Desk - Meeting a girl I've been talking to online in real life for the first time...

I've been talking to this girl from Match.com for a few weeks now on AIM and on the phone, and tomorrow night we're meeting for the first time in real life.

I'm keeping it to a short and casual dinner after we both get off work.

Any advice?

I've never done this before and I'm kind of skeptical. But for those of you who know me on these boards, I think this is good for me to learn how to be chill about these things and not have any expectations. Just kind of get to know someone, plain and simple.

The weird thing about online dating is that you know a lot of stuff about each other without ever having interacted in the simple ways. I don't know how this will play out.

If any of you have had experience with this, PLEASE POST!!

Hi Pat,

Oh, go and have fun tomorrow. The great thing is, as you said, you know a lot about each other already, and you didn't have to suffer through that beginning awkard stuff "oh what do I say now" kind of thing.

I have had friends who have gone this route, and I think it is so much better than the bar scene. Some had great success and some others, well, they just didn't connect. I do know of a couple that met this way, and will be getting married in August.

Anyway, just go and have fun, try and relax and get to know this new friend a little better. We can always use friends in our lives and the two of you must be comfortable enough, based on the things you shared so far, so the worst that could happen is that you met a new friend, and that is not a bad thing at all, it's actually a very good thing.

Go and have a great time! And let us know how it went :)

Yes, Just have fun... Enjoy your outing together. My wife's cousin actually had an online boyfriend from another country they eventually met, got married and now they are living together. Getting a head of things now, but you get the point. Things have a way of working out if they are meant to be.

I agree with allheart, that the online dating is a lot better then the bar scene.

So no expectations. Be casual and just be yourself and have fun.

Let us know how your date went.

Joe

Thanks Allheart.

Is/Are there any things I need to be careful/aware of? I mean, as long as the girl I meet doesn't turn out to be a hulking 6'7 400 pound man I should be OK, right? LOL... you know what I mean?

LoL

Now your letting your imagination is in overdrive. Imagine if it looks like a women, but has male anotomy.

Okay, I am just joking.

Believe me, your meeting in a public place. You will be fine. I do not think you have anything to worry about.

My motto and I believe Allheart would say the same, is RELAX.

Joe

Had to spread the love joe, but yes relax!!

LOL, well yes, please run the other way if it is a 6'7 400 pound man. Run fast and do not turn around to see how closely he is following you.

Did you not exchange pictures?

I promise you, this is going to be an enjoyable evening. I am excited for you. It's a night out, with someone you both obviously have similar interest, so deep breath and bring your running shoes. Hee hee.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

LoL

Now your letting your imagination is in overdrive. Imagine if it looks like a women, but has male anotomy.

Okay, I am just joking.

Believe me, your meeting in a public place. You will be fine. I do not think you have anything to worry about.

My motto and I believe Allheart would say the same, is RELAX.

Joe

Oh no! You just put a horrible image in my head! LOL!!

We did exchange numerous pictures, so it's very clear to me what she looks at. Not just pictures at decieiving angles, but plain photos with friends, by ourselves, etc.

She left me a message and I must have listened to it 3 times to make sure it was an actual female's voice... yes, I am being very paranoid about this online thing... ahha.

I'll try and have fun and do my best not to think that there's something wrong with her or she's out to get me. Hell, I'm doing the same thing and she's prob afriad of me too!

Thanks for the advice guys... I'll keep this updated.

More comments are welcome too.

I dated many girls I meet online when I started dating again about 10 years ago.

I meet a lot of great ladies, and a lot of strange ones,
One was a great lady but after three or four real life dates she started planning my life and carrerr ( she had the connections to do it)

One was a self proclaimed witch and told me she had a spell on me so I could not break up with her

One , well let me say police handcuffs have all sorts of purposes in her mind

One had a girlfriend also that she let me meet after two or three dates.

One started talking marriage on first date

A few must have thought I was strange since we never dated again after the first meeting)

And a couple who most certainly did not look like their photos by about 200 lbs.

But I did meet a wonderful lady about 6 hour drive away from me at the time and we got married and have been for about 8 years now.

A lot of it is how much and how honest each person is when they are chatting online.

Next of course on the women's side, I understand about 1/2 of the men they talk to end up being really married.

Relax and have fun, that's what your doing this for isn't it. Keep us updated and if she is a 400lb man be honest if you really like her/him.:eek: That's where the good advice will come in handy.:)

I agree with all the other posters. Just have fun!
Are you worried that she's not going to be who she says she is?
I've met up with people I found online, people who I thought I knew really well, and it hurt when I realised they weren't nearly as friendly as they had made out.
The majority, though, have been really great to get to know in person. It was just the odd few that weren't.
Best of luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pagan_soul

Are you worried that she's not going to be who she says she is?

YES. YES.

... and did I mention, yes?

That's my number 1 concern.

OK I got to share my online dating story too.. haha

Ok so we and this guy had talked and chatted via webcam for several months (this was about 5 years ago). Well we lived 4 hours from each other so we decided we would both drive 2 hours and meet up to have dinner.

So we meet at an Outback Steakhouse. He was like really hot in his pictures and on cam so I was really nervous.
He said he would call when he got closer (I had gotten a hotel for myself so I was waiting there) and well 2 hours past our meeting time I am thinking 'oh great I am being stood up'. But then he calls me from a pay phone saying something about his car staring on fire... I was like hmm OK well here come the excuses.. but he said he was still on his way so I just went with it

I head to the restrurant and wait outside for about 30 minutes alone. He shows up and well he didn't look as hot in person... lol! I mean he looked the same, but he was balding (age 23).. which I wouldn't have thought it looked bad, but he was obviously trying to do the whole comb over effect. I guess that's something that webcams couldn't pick up, haha.

So we end up waiting 30 more minutes to get a table... no big deal we small talk. All the while I am kind of laughing in my head about this whole thing... I mean really car on fire, comb over at 23...

Ok so we get our table and we get one of those blooming onions.. you know how sooo good they are! And so messy! Haha. Well I have my little plate and doing the proper thing, but he's just like mauling the thing.. which I don't care but he's being so messy about it. The restaurant had those nice cloth napkins too and he's just making a mess of everything. Then he looks over at me and says why don't they have any napkins here? I kind of laughed and told him he's been using it.

Well he calls over our waitress and tells her I need some napkins... I am like oh wow this is funny... waiting for him to let her in on the joke... but he doesn't. So she looks at me and says I am sorry we don't have paper napkins here... I could get you some from the bathroom. I look over at him and he's just looking at me expectedly, so I say sure... please.

She leaves to get them and I am waiting for him to laugh or something... but he goes on like this is totally normal! I am GROANing inside, but laughing too. So the whole thing is kind of awkward, but I got over my nervousness and just wanted the whole thing to be over.

So we are finishing up and I am preparing to pay for my own dinner, and I expected us to just pay our own... haha then he pulls the I don't have my wallet on me. I just give him this incredulous look like I am not about to pay for you... and he's like well I have some cash, but its not enough. So I tell him to give me his cash and I will pay for the rest on my card... I just want this night to be over!

So we are leaving and he's walking me to my car. Ive got a cute li'l Honda Civic that I baby... haha doesn't matter to this story, but I have pride in my car. So he's doing the whole macho, so you want to hang out some more thing. I was wanting to just bail back to my hotel, but I figured I would see if he can redeem himself.

So we go to this park and are walking around the pond looking at the ducks. He sits down on a bench and goes to grab my hand and pull me to sit on his lap but I end up tripping over a tree trunk and fall on the floor... I am laughing so hard inside and out at this point... this guy is a total GOOBER!

Ok well I will make this shorter... in the end I ended up seeing his car, and he's got some big brown thing, that I am certain it DID start on fire! Lol. But to make it worse it looks like he's living in the back seat- it had so much junk in it!

I know he was a college student and living with his parents... so yeah I didn't want to tease him about the mess.

We went our separate ways from there and whew let me tell you I get laughs every time I think about it or tell others...

I still talk to him from time to time, he's a nice guy... but goodness he has like no manners, no social skills...

I hope your date goes better than that! lol.

PS. I HAVE had successful dates since then..

THE DATE WAS AWESOME!!

All right guys, here's what went down last night:

I basically fell asleep when I got home from work and woke up to my cell phone ringing... it was her... lol... already at the restaurant she said. I quickly got ready and met her there and ended up being 10 min late, which wasn't that bad and she didn't care.

When I saw her sitting there I was like "wow"... she actually looked even better than her photos... nice skinny little brunette chick. I gave her a hug and did the whole "nice to finally meet you thing" and we had a nice sushi dinner which I paid for.

I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else for dessert and she said yes, so we ended up spending another hour at this place sharing a chocolate cake or something... I think it was a cake. She paid for dessert.

By then it was about 10pm so I told her I had to go. She said she wanted to hang out again so I said maybe next time she can bring friends and I'll bring mine and we can go out to a bar or something.

The whole time, conversation flowed without pause or any awkwardness. I could tell she was kind of nervous because she's be pulling on her shirt or whatever and looking at me and then back at the table every now and then. I was nervous too but I played it cool. Didn't say anything dumb and I didn't come off as clingy or needy.

I think it was good that she wanted to go for dessert and that she suggested that we hang out again. That shows she had fun and there's probably some interest there.

I'll prob wait for her to contact me. I'll just chill for now. It was a good time and a fun experience.

I was so afraid she'd turn out to be either A) a man, B) 200 pounds overweight, or C) a tranny.

I bet she and the people in the restaurant could see the look of relief and amazement in my face when I saw that not only was she normal looking, but very cute as well.

I'm not sure if I was aggressive enough though. When she stood up to greet me she offered her hand but I gave her a hug instead and she was like, "oh, hugs!" lol. I wanted to set the tone, you know? But after that I kind of laid back and chilled... I didn't want to come off as a touchy creep. It was the first time meeting her, so I limited it to a hand on her waist when we were crossing streets and that's about it. Don't know if you guys think I should have done more?

EDIT: I am now a supporter of online dating. I think anyone who has thought about trying it SHOULD try it. This date was everything I expected and more.

I agree that you should just go and have fun. If there is anything bad that I have to say about internet dating is that I have found from personal experience that the people never look like they do in their pics. Lots of people don't update their pictures on those sites and unless they are recent then its anybody's guess. For that reason alone I gave up on the whole dating website thing. I met 4 people and they looked nothing like their pics. And not that looks are everything but lets be honest here people it helps if you like what your seeing!

Oops sorry I posted that last comment without reading how the date turned out! My bad! I am so glad you had a good time and I don't think you were too aggressive with he hug. Sounds like everything you did was right cause she suggested hanging out again. I'm glad she was everything you expected!

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time.

Quote:

I'll prob wait for her to contact me. I'll just chill for now. It was a good time and a fun experience.

Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time. Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

A thank you note? What do you mean? Lol. I send thank you notes after job interviews...

Do you mean IM her and say "i had a great time"? That sort of thing? Because I was going to do it anyway.

Don't know how internet dating works but will she dislike me if I don't send a thank you? Because I don't do that after regular dates I've had with women I've met in real life...

So much to learn... lol.

That is awsome Pat. Happy you enjoyed yourself. I personally would have said that would be great to hang out again. Too soon to include friends especially if you want to get to know each other first. That is just my thought anyway.

I am with tal, I would contact her in a couple of days.

Joe

Quote:

Do you mean IM her and say "i had a great time"? That sort of thing?

Okay I'm showing my age, Don't know what IM is . Is it the same as LOL?

Quote:

So much to learn... lol.

Me too I guess. You do know that the best part about being single is date a lot of ladies, or am I moving to fast? Or am I showing my age again?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Okay I'm showing my age, Dont know what IM is . Is it the same as LOL?

Me too I guess. You do know that the best part about being single is date a lot of ladies, or am I moving to fast? Or am I showing my age again?

IM = instant messaging on AOL

Yeah, I'm loving the single life now. Remember when I was dumped by my girlfriend 7 months ago? I'm feeling A lot better now!!

:)