I've been married 6 months. We dated for a couple of months before we got married. He is the love of my life.
I am young and I made the stupid mistake of lying to him about my past experience. Unfortunately the truth less believable. I came clean about it before our wedding. I lied because I was embarrassed and that I didn't want him to feel special.

I know that I shouldn't have. I'm stupid. But I learned and I've tried to do right by him. We've had fights about his trusting me and him not being able to get over my past but now he's saying that the act of kissing isn't special. It isn't special because we've kissed people before. He doesn't want to kiss me. He can't get over my past.

I try to make him feel special. I feel special when he kisses me... He says that maybe I shouldn't.

I don't know what to do. How do I fix this?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Newmrs

I lied because I was embarrassed and that I didn't want him to feel special.

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You lied about kissing other people because you didn't want your husband to feel special?

Am I correct? You told him the truth prior to the marriage, you then got married, now he is upset about the lie?

You can't make people think or feel a certain way if that is not their choice. Certainly you can show (by words, deeds) how special he is to you but if he chooses not to believe you there is little you can do. I understand he is upset because you lied; however, he seems to blowing this out of proportion.

Is the kissing of someone other than a spouse a cultural issue for you and your husband? Perhaps a clergyman or cousellor can help - if he will go. If not, I think I would go alone before your husband destroys yourself confidence.

Ok. I lied that I had given oral sex when I had never done it. Religion does not play a part in this issue. He has the need to feel special and I hurt him by lying so he wouldn't feel special, but I regret it everyday. He was willing to seek help but he's up and down about it. Like last night he said he didn't know what they would tell him to make him not care

He just can't let things go.
You think he chooses to be bothered by these things? I'll admit I was bothered by some o his past but I think I did okay and got over most of it.

You are still strangers trying to understand each other, and learn each others ways. That's what usually happens when people rush into something that requires time and patience, they have conflicts and misunderstandings.

This is a time for honest communications to build trust and be comfortable, not lies and games to manipulate each other. It's a learning period, to grow and build, so forget the games, and communicate honestly, and be patient with each other.

Its easy to get over YOUR lie, but for him, it will take longer.

I feel like he won't believe me even when I am telling the truth. I feel like the more I say things. The worse it gets. I'm angry at myself. But I'm starting to get angry at him. I know he loves me but he's having a hard time trusting me.

I have found in relationships - and this is just my personal experience - once trust goes it is gone forever. Lie to me once, I have real issues with everything else you say.

I wish I had a magic formula for you - the only thing I can say is what if you say, "Look, I lied. I admitted it. I've apologized. I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again. I also won't talk about this again."

And then just let him simmer or do whatever he chooses to do while you continue to be loving and supportive.

I'd be tired of being beaten over the head with a lie which you ADMITTED prior to your marriage.

(And thanks for clarifying your post.)

If you're willing I'd like to ask you about your experience. I guess I can't ask to post it here, but if you're willing to share I am willing to lend an ear. I don't have an really true friends where I am. I have to find solace from people on forums like this.