Long story of course which I will try to cut down.

I've known D for a while, we were both secretly into each other but I started seeing someone else, B, because I didn't realise D reciprocated my feelings. B was the jealous sort and as a result I didn't speak to D for a fair while. In the end I split up with B because he had problems and it wasn't working. I started seeing D soon after but B of course didn't like this and basically tried to ruin it all. I split up with D after a couple months to try again with B, because I felt he deserved a chance. It didn't work out, and me and D got back together. It was hard, because B was abusive and really messed up so we had to keep it secret. For the most part it was awesome, I've never been more in love, but we argued a lot because we had to keep it secret. B was going to be in my life for another couple of years due to the situation, so it was also a good idea to keep things civil.

Me and D became long distance and the cracks started to appear. We split up about four months ago, after a month of not seeing each other, because of a big argument. It was my fault. I was pretty devastated. D distanced himself from me, he had a demanding new job and instead of talking about our problems cut himself off (he always does that). During the time after our breakup I started to rely on B, because he was always there. I met up with D a couple of times after we split. The first time was great, it was a mutual meet up. It went well and I thought things were looking up (after some space). The second time was me wanting to meet up, it was a bad time to do it which is probably why it went badly. I told him then I was seeing B again (mostly to make him jealous). Since then we haven't had much contact. He messaged me to congratulate me on something, I didn't reply. Then he messaged me to say he was deleting our Facebook relationship, I replied laughing, saying it wasn't important, and I realised I wasn't over B so we would never have worked (this wasn't true). I said we should catch up in a few months (reiterating what he said, that he would need a few months space if we were to ever think about me and him again). I got another message from him later on congratulating me on something else, I didn't reply again.

Since then, about two months ago, I decided to initiate no contact. I was devastated when we split up. I'm 26, nothing has ever been so good as with D and I've had plenty of long term relationships. I wanted to try to get over him, so I started seeing B again. On paper he is a much better match, and I also wanted to see if there were any feelings there. There are, sort of, but B just wants to screw me around - he never wanted me I guess, he just didn't want anyone else to want me. I feel like such a dumbass for caring about him and not putting D at the top of my priorities all the time. Four months after we split up and I'm still missing him just as much, and not through lack of trying to move on.

I assume D thinks I'm seeing B again, well I sort of am, but it's more of a friendship and it's something I'm now ending of my own accord. Something confusing is that my ex has recently hidden his Facebook wall from me. My friend can see it and showed me, there's nothing on there worth hiding (except he has moved place, he told me that the last time we met anyway). He's not hiding a new girl or anything like that. It gives me a little hope that I'm worth hiding things from... maybe that's dumb.

So my question is: should I contact D? My reasoning is this: I am never going to accidentally bump into him. We had a pretty good thing going until circumstances ended that. B is not going to be in my life, he was the main problem. I don't have much to lose except my pride. I was thinking of a short message asking how he's doing.

I'd be very interested and grateful to hear any thoughts.

I think you work on yourself and realise that you can be happy on your own-so,no don't.

I think you should let both men go. Move on from both of them and after you have healed find someone who has the best characteristics of both men and with whom you can build a relationship without all of the drama.

One of the major red flags that I see in your story is that you have jumped or slid from one relationship to the other without taking time to heal and let the emotional dust storm abate. I don't think you can see where you are going right now. While you are stumbling around blinded by these two men, you may be missing the man who you can build a wonderful future with.

Take care of yourself and leave them to take of their own lives. I think if you give yourself a chance you will be much happier than if you try to stay with either of these men.

I think leaving them both alone is your best course of action as for whatever reasons they are both past failed relationships any way, so why keep bouncing back and forth. Make building a life that makes you happy, without either of them a priority for a while and explore your life and see all the options, and opportunities you have as a single person.

Repeating the same moves over and over, and expecting different results is insanity. Move forward, not back, and it starts with a proper healing period.