My daughter who is 17, has been charged with possession of meth amphetamine. She refuses to come home and has emailed me because she does not want to appear in court and wants to change the date. Is this possible? What are the consequences if she does not appear?

Apage, she has to appear in court on the date specified. If she doesn't, there will be a warrant issued for her and possibly jail time.

Tick

Apage, one more comment. If you are in the Toronto area I know of two juvenlle detention centres where she would be sent. You won't want her to be in either one of them I assure you, either will she.

Thank you. She is being very uncooperative and is out of our control; the only communication I have with her is the occasional email. She did come home for a two week period last month, and she shows up now and again. As far as her father and I know she is living on the street (probably in Toronto) and she refuses to come home or attend school, although she was an honours student last year, and she still has to take grade 12. There is a boy involved who has a criminal record. There has never been any abuse at home and my husband is in a wheelchair and can't travel long distance because of pain. We have been in constant contact with the police and authorities and don't know what else we can do. We have arranged for her to go to court via car (a friend) with me on the date. Should I go even if she doesn't? Are we liable - are there penalties for us, as parents, if she doesn't show up because she isn't 18?

Thank you. She is being very uncooperative and is out of our control; the only communication I have with her is the occasional email. She did come home for a two week period last month, and she shows up now and again. As far as her father and I know she is living on the street (probably in Toronto) and she refuses to come home or attend school, although she was an honours student last year, and she still has to take grade 12. There is a boy involved who has a criminal record. There has never been any abuse at home and my husband is in a wheelchair and can't travel long distance because of pain. We have been in constant contact with the police and authorities and don't know what else we can do. We have arranged for her to go to court via car (a friend) with me on the date. Should I go even if she doesn't? Are we liable - are there penalties for us, as parents, if she doesn't show up because she isn't 18?
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It won't make any difference if you go with not attending. I don't think there are any consequences to you as a parent. Where they found her, and how they found her when charged will be very evident to the court from the court documents (and the charging officer attending) that she is a runaway.

I would suggest that you let her 'fly by the seat of her pants' and take her knocks on this one. It may wake her up to her situation. How long has she been away from home ? Does she have siblings at home ?

She was home for two weeks last month and just 'disappeared' again. As I said, she shows up now and again, but may only be in the area and I receive information from her friends, who urge her to come home, go to school, etc. however she refuses to listen - she is taking drugs and won't go to a doctor or be checked out.

Sorry, re her living at home, you wanted to know how long she had been away. She left with the clothes on her back at the end of October 2010 but has been back since for short periods. The last one being last month for two weeks.

There is no penalty for you, as her parent, if she does not appear. There is also no point in you going to Court because the authorities are apparently aware of the situation.

What would I do? I would do nothing, hope she doesn't appear, hope a warrant is issued for her, hope she is picked up and referred to a facility to straightened her out.

Thanks so much for all your help. We believe there are probably mental health issues involved here but we have been unable to get her to visit a doctor regarding this and our hands are tied under Canadian law. If we could have forced her to get medical help earlier - problems started to surface at the age of 15/16 when a friend died - we would have done so. We feel so helpless when confronted by a system that tells us she can leave home at 16, however is under our jurisdiction until 18, but it is illegal for her to be out of school under 18 (unless graduated or with our consent) but authorities cannot enforce this law. Have other parents had this problem?

Have you looking into applying to the Court to have her emancipated? That way she's on her own and you have NO responsibility for her - particularly financially.

(This is a sad situation and a lot of parents are facing it. I can hear the pain in your words. And we all would do things in a different manner if we could go back in time - )

Homeless under age children on the streets of Toronto are well documented cases. Families lose touch with them entirely over time. You are a little luckier, she hasn't cut the umbilical cord entirely as she is coming and going. So that indicates to me that she does miss her home life but is unable to cope. Possibly the b/f, who you mentioned has a criminal record, influences her a great deal.

Yes, my heart goes out to you and as a Canadian know the rules are frustrating but have not faced the truth of it as you have.

Tick

Thank you so much for your comments and advice. My latest email from my daughter indicated that she wouldn't be attending court "I guess I'm screwed then" was her comment when I passed on the advice. We all, in our family, love her, but I think she will have to just face the consequences; she is being so unrealistic. I do hope the authorities get her help. As I keep saying - this system is so frustrating. I hope they pick her up before she gets into any more trouble.
I would emancipate her, but I don't want to shut the door here - I wanted her to know that she could come here for help.