I've been with my boyfriend over a year now. It took him months to call me his girlfriend, tell me he loves me etc. His excuse is his job (he is a police officer) and his last relationship where he also has a 3 year old. I'm 27 and we have 16 years age difference. So I'm dealing with the age difference, the fact he has a kid and him taking everything super slow but the thing I can not stand is his cheapness! He denies that he is cheap and says he wants to pay for stuff but so far he never stopped me when I paid for anything. I told him he acts cheap and complains about money even when we go to drive through. The worst part is I never ask for anything expensive and even at the cheapest places I try to stick to dollar value so he doesn't get upset.

The last drop was my birthday. Several months ago on his birthday I got him Dallas Cowboy game tickets. It was around $350.00. I didn't care I just wanted to make him happy and he was happy. Although I make a lot less than what he does. On my last birthday he gave me a perfume which had a 'tester' written on it. I said OK it was beginning of the relationship this time he will do better. Well this time he got me even a smaller perfume, a glass decoration says 'I love you always', and a ring from Walmart. All these probably cost him $20.00 bucks and a trip to walmart. I'm so mad! I didn't tell him why I'm so mad but told him I want to break up. He told me to think about it and talk about it tomorrow. I tried to break up with him before but he always finds a way to change my mind.

I just need someone else to tell me I'm not being superficial and I deserve better than this treatment. Please someone?

Doesn't sound like you're very compatible.

This money issue is going to go on for a very long time because that's just the way he is.

You've been expecting something more out of him when it's not really in him to do it.

Sounds like he has a lot of baggage that is putting more pressure on this relationship than need be.

It's very difficult to be in a relationship when you're just waiting for the day that he changes into someone he's not.

Either accept him the way he is or do yourselves a favor and go your separate ways.

You're not on the same page and he seems very set in his ways.

And the age difference is another red flag.

I think it's time to end your relationship.

Hello v:

Yeah, cops suck - especially CHEAP ones. Don't cops make like $75,000 a year or thereabouts?

Course, you MIGHT consider where my advice is coming from.

excon

Thank you I wish for the answer. You are right, I'm waiting for the day that he changes and becomes someone else. And I know he is trying to change and make me happy but that's just not him.

Thank you for the answer. We are suppose talk tonight and I need any opinions I can get before that.

Hey excon. I actually like cops but don't like cheap guys no matter what they do. Not sure how much he makes but pretty sure he makes good money being a cop for over 20 years now. But I'm pretty sure even he made a million dollars he would be scared to spend money.

Good luck I hope it goes well for you.
Come back and tell us how it goes.

Thank you amicon! After 3 hours of non stop discussion we decided to think about it some more and talk about it later again. He said he feels like he can never make me happy and be the guy I want him to be but he still doesn't want to break up. I wish I was stronger to be able to just end it.

I think you have to make up your mind to make the decision that will make you happy in the long run-whatever that is.

All the best!

What a person makes is only one side of the equation. What his/her living expenses are is the other.

Let's see, he is about 43 and has a three year old child by another woman. Child support is not cheap whether it is through a mutual agreement with the mother or court order. If he isn't supporting his child then that is a huge red flag on many levels. Does he own his home? If he does, then there are a lot more expenses in home ownership than renting. Does he own a car? What is the upkeep on it?

Is it about his being 'cheap' or his complaining about money? If he weren't so vocal would you be more understanding? If you are keeping a ledger of who spends how much and comparing gifts, then this might not be the relationship for you.

It does sound like he is carrying baggage from his last relationship. Some of it will be with him for a lifetime. Some of it he should have gotten rid of before he got into a new relationship.

He also learned a lesson about being careful. Remember that he is a father. Going slow and being careful in a relationship are good things.

Do you enjoy being with him when money isn't a factor? Doing things like watching a movie, talking about things that interest you, just being together, etc.

If you are unable to accept him the way he is or to find a compromise, walk away now.

I guess I am cheap, I have never spent more than 50 or so on my wife's birthday gifts, Christmas has seldom ever been 100 dollars.

And yes, he may have credit card bills, car payments, and child support that leaves him hardly enough to eat each week. Many people, and sadly esp police have serious budget issues.

Alsowithout knowing where he lives, police are often some of the lowest paid people around. If it was not for off duty work we could have never paid our bills. In fact with a family of four, working for a state police agency, my family could have ( but we did not) receive state welfare , i.e. food stamps, when I was a officer.

But it sounds like you are wanting money thrown at you and he is not able or not the type that will.

At his age, it's going to be very difficult for him to change his ways. The bottom line is whether you can accept him. You might be able to go along with this in the short run, but this is going to cause loads of problems in the long run, which is why it's not a healthy relationship.