Ask Me Help Desk - Slept with my ex's friend

Me and my boyfriend broke up a little over a month ago. I started dating him when I was 19 and we were together for about 2 years. He was my first for a lot of things. But I wasn't his first in pretty much anything (which bothered me a lot, but I ignored it and moved on). So like I said, we broke up about a month ago. I was sure we were never getting back together. He told me there wasn't a chance for us anymore, that he just wanted to be friends. He was even already talking to some other girl. Of course being my first break up, I was devastated. I went to a mutual friend of ours and without even thinking, I slept with him. I regret it deeply!! And I even stopped almost as soon as it started! But the deed was done and I just moved on. Well, recently my ex boyfriend and I started talking again. I told myself I would never tell him about me sleeping with our mutual friend unless he asked. Well one night he asked, so I told him. He was soooo upset! And I can understand why (since apparently he still had feelings for me). He has "forgiven" me for it. But I don't know if I broke some kind of code or something. When we broke up we told each other we wouldn't mess with mutual friends, but it just happened. Was I wrong? I regret the whole thing, but I just feel like I did something taboo. Was it wrong of me to sleep with a mutual friend after my ex broke up with me? Should I feel guilty? I can understand that it was a wrong thing to do if I thought we were going to get back together, but I was 100% certain that we weren't going to get back together ever! So was I wrong?

Quote:

Originally Posted by c00kiemonster

Me and my bf broke up a little over a month ago. i started dating him when i was 19 and we were together for about 2 years

. When we broke up we told eachother we wouldnt mess with mutual friends, but it just happened. Was i wrong? I regret the whole thing, but i just feel like i did something taboo. was it wrong of me to sleep with a mutual friend after my ex broke up with me? should i feel guilty? i can understand that it was a wrong thing to do if i thought we were going to get back together, but i was 100% certain that we werent going to get back together ever!! so was i wrong?

It was a strange deal you made not to have sex with mutual friends after your break up.

But since you made the deal , I think you were unwise to do, you did another unwise thing and did it.

Do you think you were wrong?

Seems so now I'm afraid, broken trust is a tuffy.

If guilt has a purpose it is to teach us not to make the same mistake again. So learn the lesson then let the guilt go. You already figured out it causes complications, particularly since you made some kind of promise to each other on this, so lesson learned, no point continuing to beat yourself up about it.

If you can both let it go and move forward with honesty and trust then great. If you let it become a big deal that's always in one or both of your minds it will tear you apart.

In my book what you do once you have broken up is your business and not your exes, so maybe think carefully about what promises you are going to make in the future.

Although you were 100% sure that you two weren't getting back together, you made the wrong choice to sleep with one of his friends. If you can't understand why, you can easily do so by putting yourself in his shoes. What if he slept with one of your friends? You would feel disrespected by both him and your friend as well. You would feel betrayed. What you did has been done and you can't change that, but just be sure to not do anything like that in the future.