Ask Me Help Desk - Feeling uncomfortable with my church

I'm a university student and Roman Catholic. I attend mass a couple of times a week. The church I attend is very ornate and elaborate on the inside. Its really gorgeous inside, with statues, paintings, etc... it was renovated recently, to look the way it did about 100 years ago. It really is very beautiful.

The problem is, I'm finding myself increasingly uncomfortable with its "richness" or whatever you want to call it. I feel out of place being a student with not a lot of money for fancy clothing, which most people at my church seem to wear. I recently started volunteering at the food bank / soup kitchen here, with the poorest people in our city, and I keep thinking I never see any of them at my church, even though many of them are RC and live near by. I feel sad about it, thinking that maybe they are uncomfortable with it the way I am. I'm also increasingly feeling like I never want to be rich / have money myself... largely because Jesus never had money. I like St. Francis of Assisi very much also. I've been feeling this way for over a year now. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm really not judging the people who like the elaborate church, its more than I feel like its not for me, and when I think about the church excluding certain people, it makes me sad, almost to the point of tears sometimes. I don't know if I'm making any sense. The feeling is very hard to describe.

Anyhow, just wondering if anyone else feels this way or has any thoughts on what I should do about it.

Does your church have a Saturday Mass? Many of those are less formal, and make people like us feel more comfortable and relaxed.

We do have a Saturday mass, I attend it a fair bit and it is somewhat less formal. But my discomfort goes way beyond just attending one particular mass. Its difficult to explain.

Do you know of another, less ornate RC church you can worship at instead?

I think your feelings come from understanding hard truths about money and society. It's good that you want to work on behalf of those who don't have enough to meet their needs. I hope you'll find a life's work that helps you feel like you've made a difference.

Where do the people who come in to the food pantry/soup kitchen go to church?

Is there not a catholic student union on campus or a near by campus,

And as noted, depending on location, like here in Atlanta there are dozens of Catholic Churches, some large, some small, some missions for homeless. Each week visit different ones

To me it seems really sad how many churches feel it necessary to put on the dog if you will. It is after all only a building, who's sole purpose is to keep you warm/cool/dry depending on the weather at the time. It is a place to worship God and not a place to show off your congregations wealth to the rest of society. I am so thankful I attend a church that places so little priority on the physical building and more on relationships. Maybe it is time to move on to another church that is not so materialistic.

Do you think the poorest people feel excluded from the pretty church you go to? Maybe they don't go because it's too far, or they don't want to go to services, or the services aren't conveniently timed for them. There could be many reasons, but all it takes is one. Would your time at the soup kitchen allow you to ask any of them?

When you say you admire St. Francis and you want to be like Jesus and not have money, I wonder if you are feeling called to a vocation in the church. Do you feel like that is a possibility you should explore?

450donn nailed it. Maybe it's time to move on to where you are comfortable, even beyond the RC way of faith. There are many options out there. The bible tells us that we worship Him in spirit and in truth... go where your heart leads you to be able to truly be yourself in His presence. The important thing is that you are BIBLICALLY developing you walk with Jesus Christ. When a church/congregation places more emphasis on SHOW rather than a practical application of Christianity... there is probably not a whole lot of spiritual growth that is going to come out of it. Don't be afraid of protestant churches either... we love Jesus too;)

Summer_girl had a very good point too, there are many many reasons some of these people won't attend a church... some people might just want a hand out. Make sure not to base your feelings off why "other" people aren't doing something.

Keep us posted with your walk... I'm sure several of us would love to hear how you are doing.

This may not relate to the elaborate and ornate architecture, or even the wealth of people but to be honest I always feel uncomfortable going to church. The Mass is the reason we all go there but the people who attend are another matter; every Sunday after the Mass is over, I always come out of church feeling blue and depressed, it's like I'm looked down on. No one ever smiles and I have no idea why. It's nothing to do with Catholicism of course, just the parish people. It's so uncomfortable and puts me off going to church some weeks, although I end up going anyway because we have to. As long as you have friends, it doesn't matter if you don't get on well with people inside the church, the important thing is our attendance at mass.

By the way, if people are so concerned with the clothes you're wearing, they obviously aren't concerned with the things they SHOULD be concerned about. Dressing respectfully is the main thing. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluelicorice

I'm a university student and Roman Catholic. I attend mass a couple of times a week. The church I attend is very ornate and elaborate on the inside. Its really gorgeous inside, with statues, paintings, etc... it was renovated recently, to look the way it did about 100 years ago. It really is very beautiful.

The problem is, I'm finding myself increasingly uncomfortable with its "richness" or whatever you want to call it. I feel out of place being a student with not a lot of money for fancy clothing, which most people at my church seem to wear. I recently started volunteering at the food bank / soup kitchen here, with the poorest people in our city, and I keep thinking I never see any of them at my church, even though many of them are RC and live near by. I feel sad about it, thinking that maybe they are uncomfortable with it the way I am. I'm also increasingly feeling like I never want to be rich / have money myself... largely because Jesus never had money. I like St. Francis of Assisi very much also. I've been feeling this way for over a year now. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm really not judging the people who like the elaborate church, its more than I feel like its not for me, and when I think about the church excluding certain people, it makes me sad, almost to the point of tears sometimes. I don't know if I'm making any sense. The feeling is very hard to describe.

Anyhow, just wondering if anyone else feels this way or has any thoughts on what I should do about it.

Unfortunately, the problem you raise is not as strange as you think. I would only say, trying to be very simple about it, that there are three kinds of people that attend Catholic Mass. Those who attend it hoping to spend some intimate time with our Lord by praying and enjoying the Eucharist. In the Bible, they are described as the Publicans (Luke 18:9-14) The way you speak, you probably belong to this privileged group. Congratulations!
The second group is formed by those who are most desirous of showing off before the community, boasting of their devotion by offering splendid alms (for everybody to see), donning their best attires and, if at all possible, friendly greeting the rector or the vicar at the end of the Mass. In the Bible, they are described like the Pharisees!
And then, in the third group, we should include all people, (unfortunately like me), that attend the Sunday mass as a duty we have to fulfill but without actually concentrating in the miracle that is going on there. We shall have to account for this behavior when we are called by our Creator!
So my advice would be: bearing in mind that you no doubt belong to that elite of Catholics who really enjoy the Eucharist with faith and love (I wish I could belong to that elite, too) do not pay any attention to anything except to what the priest is doing at the altar.
Forget what others may think of you. They probably do not even see you, anyway… And try to forget the money that the parish has spent on the decoration of the church. It is sad, bearing in mind that so many people need help, probably in the same area where the church is located. But this is also connatural of humans, i.e. to brag and boast to show that we are better than those around us…

Gromitt82

It might help to understand that the church is built to the glory of God as is the tradition in many faiths and not to the glory of the congregants. Churches are meant to stand, as many around the world do, for hundreds or even thousands of years and while they are costly to build, they provide a welcoming place for even the poor to be surrounded by art and beauty. The beauty of the building is not the problem - it is a lack of connection in that community with those in the surrounding area. I recommend you invite some of those to whom you minister to join you at mass, and make a point of introducing them to your priest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluelicorice

I don't know if I'm making any sense. The feeling is very hard to describe.

Hello blue:

You're making sense to me, and I'm NOT a Christian... Maybe that's why. Cause what I know about Jesus is that he shunned wealth and glorified the poor. You sound like you want to walk in his steps instead of the church's. Maybe more people should join YOU instead of the other way around.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello blue:

You're making sense to me, and I'm NOT a Christian... Maybe that's why. Cause what I know about Jesus is that he shunned wealth and glorified the poor. You sound like you want to walk in his steps instead of the church's. Maybe more people should join YOU instead of the other way around.

excon

I think you are sort of misleading our friend blue. You seem to imply that Christians glorify wealth and despise poors. I will not say there are no Christians that behave like that, but I will say that they are NOT Christians, at heart. On the other hand, the Church's steps should differ of Jesus' message to us. What happens is that NOT all Jesus' disciples were perfect. Peter denied Him three times, Thomas did not believe in His resurrection and Judas betrayed Him.
No wonder, therefore, that those who run the different Christian Churches may be imperfect too...
A patriot, iaccording to the dictionary, is one who loves his or her country and he/she loves it IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACT ITS GOVERNMENT MAY BE CROOKED.
The Church is the gate to the Kingdom of God, which is the country of all Christians and we must love it IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACT SOME OF ITS MEMBERS MAY BE CROOKED TOO.
Gromitt82

Quote:

Originally Posted by gromitt82

A patriot, iaccording to the dictionary, is one who loves his or her country and he/she loves it IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACT ITS GOVERNMENT MAY BE CROOKED.

The Church is the gate to the Kingdom of God, which is the country of all Christians and we must love it IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACT SOME OF ITS MEMBERS MAY BE CROOKED TOO.

Hello grommit:

Let's not leave out corporations...

To me, the test of TRULY loving an organization - ANY organization - is NOT blind support, but CALLING it on it's misdeeds.

Isn't that what Jesus did? Isn't that what blue is doing?

excon

Blue - I think that part of what I see in your words is you coming into your own, so to speak. You are maturing in a profound way... seeing a certain slant on life in this world that is causing you to question what sort of person you want to be. You are realizing that you do not want to be concerned only for money... which is why you say that you would prefer to not have money.

I also see there is another struggle in you that is familiar to me... the struggle of finding like-minded people who share your faith and your perspective on life. I'd say that any serious-minded disciple of Christ wants to connect with others who view life similarly... there is strength found when we connect with others in that way; we know that we are not alone. There are others out there who are on the same journey and who want the same things that you want. And it is OK to ask that God would bring such people into your life so that you may be encouraged.

One thing that has helped me in my life is to realize that God's work is not yet finished. We see real inequalities in this world and we wonder why this has to be so. It isn’t fair. But that is the world that God has made. It is our responsibility as creatures of God to embrace whatever life he has given to us. In poverty one’s task is to see that life does not consist of bread alone…he has to accept that God is no less good to him than a billionaire and that for his good, God has chosen to make him lack in that way. In wealth one’s task is to see that life does not consist in the abundance of the things which he possesses…life itself is found from God. Earthly riches will waste away and all that will remain is a man’s soul in the end. So you see, before each kind of person is a struggle…a task before them…their lives force them to ask what is most important to them…bread and money or life in the age to come; life in the Kingdom of God.

I would just say that having money does not make a person evil. King Solomon was the richest man that ever lived, presumably. He struggled in his life to follow after God…he pursued all kinds of pleasure. He had anything he desired and yet his heart was only satisfied in following after God and his ways. All money really does is reveal what is in a person’s heart but it isn’t evil in of itself. Money can be used for good or evil but it is the owner of it who determines what good or evil comes.

Being poor isn’t necessarily more virtuous than being rich. A person in his poverty can do evil out of despair and frustration. Poverty reveals what is in a person’s heart in way that money reveals what is in a person’s heart. Ultimately, God is sovereign over the poor and the rich, decreeing what each man has or doesn’t have. Jesus associated with the poor and the rich. He was materially blessed by the hands of the rich (Joanna, the wife of Cuza). He also enjoyed the company of the poor. He did not judge others based upon their status economically…it was their character that he was after. We shouldn’t despise rich people and we shouldn’t despise poor people…we must judge a man by his character.

My advice to you is to treat all people justly…rich or poor. Do not despise a rich man if he has made his money in a righteous manner…despise a man who withholds wages from others or extorts others for greedy gain. It is good to associate with the poor, like you have been…but remember, not everyone in the soup kitchen line loves God because he is poor…many despise God for their poverty. It's important to realize that.