My ex and I started going out for 2 months and were basically spending every night together. So I thought what a wonderrrrrful idea to ask her to move in with me. She agreed and we lived together for 3 months... so total 5 months. Then after the new year, she says she doesn't feel the same, etc etc, and so she moves out... one floor up, same apt complex. Her "reasons" for breaking up were 1. she was not happy with herself and she didn't want to drag me along and 2. she didn't think we're the right fit.

So for the first 2 weeks or so, I did everything you're not supposed to do. Then I try to accept it, told her it was for the best (even though I didn't believe it), and tried to move on... NC. Not even a week goes by and she starts txting me again. And for the next month or so, we've been seeing each other almost everyday... doing things that we used to do, sex included. She is initiating almost all the texting... asking to come over, asking what I'm doing, and so on.

So my question is whether she is unconsciously giving us another shot or is she just lonely, trying to make me feel better, or something like that? If I asked her to get back together now, she'd probably say no and I just want to be friends, but I just can't get over the fact that she keeps asking to come over and do things together. Is there anything deeper here? It seems like we're taking a step back, dating again without living together, and then seeing where it goes. Thoughts?

Sounds like she's stringing you along and using bits and pieces of what you used to have as a "crutch". I don't think she's trying to make you feel better... she's trying to make herself feel better.

She's just lonely. Go back to NC, otherwise you'll just set yourself back even further.

Best of luck!

I agree with jmooney;she wants to eat her cake and keep it.
If she was interested in getting back with you she would say so.

I would tell her that as she broke up with you,you don't want to be her fwb whenever it suits her.

Ditto for me too! Just using you until something better comes along. Heck with that crap! Go NC.. . live your life!

Thanks for the responses. I was actually the one that wanted to be fwb and she pretty much agreed. This was still early after the breakup and we didn't start doing the fwb thing until maybe 3 weeks later.

I hear you guys though... if she really is just lonely, then it's going to suck for me soon or later. But I was also looking at this as an opportunity to be together without the living together part (which I think is what killed it) and to see if that changes anything... you know? It'll give both of us a chance to get back to who we were at the beginning and then who knows...

I think her mission, and motives are,
To slow things down,
To have something to do,
To keep you from moving on,
And be free to pursue other options, and opportunities, without guilt, if they arise.

You may have and will get on great, but you are still strangers, but worse yet, you have been all to willing to go along without airing your concerns, and act accordingly.

That's a dangerous course of action with a stranger that you have your nose open for. She knows you will follow her lead and allow her to have her cake, and eat it too.

Fact is, you have no clue as to her motives, or what's on her mind now, because you simply haven't asked. You better start asking questions buddy, no matter the outcome, or her answers, and judge for yourself, if you believe it or not. Keep a grain of salt handy, in case its needed.

You are not the first guy to go along with the program because the sex is free. Don't let it whup you!

Yes, I'm trying to be real cautious here because we're still having fun and, of course, the sex, but I also don't want to go back to square 1. I do want to voice my concerns but I don't think the timing is right... I think pushing her for answers now will just make her pull away... I don't know.. Maybe I'll give it a little more time and if we're still doing what we're doing in another month or so, then it might not scare her off if I mention anything about a relationship.

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Originally Posted by lawwal

Yes, I'm trying to be real cautious here because we're still having fun and, of course, the sex, but I also don't want to go back to square 1. I do want to voice my concerns but I don't think the timing is right...I think pushing her for answers now will just make her pull away....I don't know.. Maybe I'll give it a little more time and if we're still doing what we're doing in another month or so, then it might not scare her off if I mention anything about a relationship.

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You're trying to walk on eggshells in hopes of her wanting to come back. I understand you aren't trying to rock the boat, but you're obviously confused about your current relationship and you're seeking some clarity. As much as she is using you for emotional stability, you are doing the same but with a different outlook- you hope she will want to come back. And frankly, you aren't fwb... you're ewb (exes with benefits)... way more emotions are involved here.

I wish you luck in your quest, but make sure you tread lightly or you'll get hurt even worse.

Thanks and I will. As stupid as it sounds, I'm well aware of how dangerous the current situation is for me. I'm trying to change my outlook to match hers, so that if it doesn't work out, then we can both move on for real.

But people do get back together, and if this is in fact an opportunity, then I have to take it... I think :)

The only way to know if the boat is solid and won't sink is to rock it a few times in shallow water, before you take it to the deep water.

My feet are to big and clumsy to walk on eggshells. Hmmmm, maybe that's why I got dumped so much!? And learned to disappear, and move on.

I will try to do that. Any ideas how? At this point I think I have to ask indirectly, but not really sure how.

This is a hard situation to be in. Everyone knows that post break-up sex is better than the "relationship" sex, always is for some reason. Maybe she's in that "we're not really together" mindset.

Or she could be just using you as a place holder until Mr Right comes along. No one knows but her (possibly not ).

Be careful of what you ask for if things are going really well. If you feel the need to put a title, or class, on this relationship, she may bail again.

She sounds like an unsound investment if you ask me.

If you are enjoying each other's company, then just do that. Wait and see how things go.

Good luck.

I guess the big question here is about your expectations.

Doesn't seem like she wants anything more than a warm body. You too, by agreeing.

Things can be hot initially, probably like when you first got together. But that didn't last, right?

If you you are totally free without wanted anything else, then have fun. Otherwise split.

This isn't going to be the backdoor in. Only short lived & you're going to be in for a double hurt.

BTW, I agree with amicon. She's using you.

The only reason is that she has no on else right now. So don't trip out on the fact she initiated things.
Who else is she going to call? The one that'll keep running back for some action.

Guys can be dumb, and girls can know how to manipulate.

I am hoping that the current situation will be different since we did move in way too early. After this post, I've actually thought about starting NC again and telling her to only call if she wanted to try it again.. this time living separately. Otherwise, I'll never know for sure and will probably never move on for real.

You got that right, buddy.

But, I think you already know. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here... Hehehe.

I say NC. Start moving forward, this is only going to waste your emotional time.

Sex vs. heartache. Always a good battle.

You can be dilemna free if you want.

I think that's what you should do-nc and stop all worrying and secondguessing.

So I emailed her and asked her nicely not to contact me and she proceeded to unfriend me on Facebook. Just looking for thought on what this means? Does she not care about me anymore or is she mad/bitter that I asked for this? I don't want it to end on a negative note... just wondering what you all think she is thinking?

So you initiated contact and here you are-more confusion,more questions.
It doesn't matter why she did what she did,or how she feels.

What matters is how you treat yourself,so go forward,keep busy and let her do whatever it is she does for whatever reasons she has.

Guess I should have just went NC instead of initiating contact with a NC email... oh well..

Yep,that would have saved you some confusion,but now you know not to fall into that trap again.