My adult children hate me also and it is just so painful. My heart goes out to everyone going through this horrible problem. I Love them so much and they treat me like dirt.Thank you to the creator of this website and all the parents especially us mom's who go through all the pain of child birth and give all our heart and soul to our children. I find myself at 53 alone laid off my job and suffering the loss of the very people I lived for all these years.I feel so hurt abandoned and unloved and it is so hard to move on.I live for Our Lord and I pray so very hard and will now keep all of you in my prayers.thank you for listening all I do is cry. God Bless Lola

Lola,

Every situation is different, particularly when it comes to relationships within families, and more particularly, when the problems are with adult children.

Do you have a question yourself that you would like help with, regarding your own children?

If so, please provide information on your situation, as honestly as you can, that describes what is going on in your life, with your adult children.

Thanks.

I had left a abusive marriage in 2000.I had three children with my first husband in which I was widowed.I had 2 boys and a girl from my first marriage.I had my youngest daughter with the abusive husband.Both my son's have been in and out of prison. My one son is still serving time and was into meth in which I tried so hard with him to help him.My other son has been out of prison about 3 years now holds a job but still drinks a lot of alcohol and smokes in which I had asked him never to let my 22 year old daughter think it is OK to smoke cigarettes and pot and drink.My 22 year old moved in with my thirty three year old son. The reason was I will not let her do what she wants if she lives with me such as smoking pot and drinking or cigarettes.I explained to her what this does to her health. I was too scared when I was young to even try pot as my dad was a police officer he raised me in a way that you just don't do certain things in life. I listened to him my children make fun of me stating I never did drugs and I'm out to save the world I want to save my children from themselves.I tell them God graced all of them with good health why do they want to destroy themselves I ask them.They say they wished I was like my daughters friends moms who smoke pot with them and drink and smoke.So they isolate me.I'am sorry I should have saimd thank you in the beginning of this response.I have all this Love for them and I try to express it but they seem to want me out of their life.I should have left the abusive marriage long ago but I felt it was my fault and that I could fix it. After a eight year restraining order on the abusive ex husband I know I should have left a lot sooner we were married almost 13 years.Then in 07 I thought I had met some one really nice a friend at works brother.She told me how nice he was but she left out he had a criminal record and he was a thief. I divorced him in 2010.I Love my kids and I feel as long as I'am alive I have to stop them from hurting themselves I just don't know how to do that.

I have one adult daughter and on teenage daughter that truly cannot stand me. They constantly make fun of everything I do and say. I feel trapped by them with no way out. I try to be nice but if I am not doing exactly what they want, I hear how mean and ugly I am. The oldest is a recovering meth addict and the youngest is on probation for being out past curfew and smarting off the to police. I am recovering from lung cancer and they don't help me do anything. Never would I imagine I would raise two of the most hateful children in the world. You are in my prayers and I would appreciate your prayers also

Lola,
I need to introduce myself. I am Arlene F.51. I have this happening to me too now. Both my adult children hate me. They are now ages 34 and 31. I can barely cope. I would give anything to not be going through this. I need prayer and lots of it. I was not always the perfect mother when they were younger but I love them and need them. I have admitted my mistakes to them and asked for forgiveness for whatever they hate me for. My daughter calls once or twice a year to yell at me and her father about how horrible we are.My son calls when he needs money.I am very depressed my oldest son was killed several years ago and I can't believe they are doing this to me. My heart is totally broken and I am so sorry for you too. I will keep you in prayer my heart goes out to you.I am so desperate for my children to make peace I cry a lot.But they do not care. I need help or advice.

Its time to be happy. There was a time when child could be disowned, but now days, the parent has to worry about being disowned by the child. I am done with it. I am not going to allow another day to go by unhappy. They want to disown me, will back at them. Im ditching this pain... NO MORE

I recently read an article that talks about the new trend toward adult children disowning their parent/s. I have a father who has been abusive and demeaning to my sister and me all our lives, and still, we do for him. It's called respect, and there's a growing lack of it in our "new world order." It's time to take the bull by the horn, and let them know if their condescending and belittling ways continue, they can go to the devil. My adult, professional and successful son (I point this out, as not all sons who are hateful are criminals) has let me know what a "bad" mother I was, and yet my youngest says I was a good mother and that no one is perfect. So much of it is a matter of perspective, and these people whom we raised and gave our love and for whom we would have given our lives, are without a conscience. Simply put, they are spoiled and have a feeling of entitlement. I say let them go on without us. It's better to find a hobby, friends,. join church organizations where you can get support, and first and foremost, remove these ungrateful, disrespectful and self-serving adult kids from our lives. No respect = no relationship. I know how very hard it is, but why in the world would I want to leave an inheritance to a child who treats me like that? Yes, we want relationships with our grandchildren, but feeling sorry for ourselves begets more abuse from the very ones we love. If we start to demand respect, we just might get it. If we don't, then let them fend for themselves. There is no reason in the world we have to take it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sampsonmolly1

Its time to be happy. There was a time when child could be disowned, but now days, the parent has to worry about being disowned by the child. I am done with it. I am not going to allow another day to go by unhappy. They want to disown me, will back at them. Im ditching this pain..... NO MORE

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Oscar Wilde once warned that children begin their lives loving their ­parents, then grow up to judge them

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1350892/How-YOU-cope-child-cut-life.html#ixzz1z03JeF1j

Arlene, I am 55 and my son has deserted our family for not reason other than his new wife does not like us.. I know how you feel everyday I think about him but people are telling us the right thing to do.. you have to move on, I am trying so hard myself to move on.. this has affected my whole family.. hoping you can find some peace with this... praying for you
Kathy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sampsonmolly1

Its time to be happy. There was a time when child could be disowned, but now days, the parent has to worry about being disowned by the child. I am done with it. I am not going to allow another day to go by unhappy. They want to disown me, will back at them. Im ditching this pain..... NO MORE

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Amen I am trying to get here!

I have recently become aware that my 2 oldest sons hate me. It is THE hardest thing in the world. My husband tells me to not let it bother me, that is impossible. How do you cope with this?

I guess I should go into a little more detail. I divorced their dad when they were babies. He was cheating with 3 women & was becoming abusive. When my 2nd oldest was 12, he decided to go live with his dad. My oldest son moved with his dad at 15. I warned them both what he was & how he was. They found out the hard way. He treated them horribly & traumatized them both. He told them the ONLY reason he wanted them to live with him was so he wouldn't have to pay child support. Now, they are 27 & 26 years old. 2 months ago, my oldest son started in on me, telling me I was a horrible mother. He called me relentlessly to tell me this. I no longer have contact with him. My other son is now a father. I have helped him & his girlfriend by babysitting whenever they need me to, financially (ALOT) & just being there for them. I thought everything was fine until today. All of a sudden, he texts me & tells me how hateful I am & what a mean attitude I have towards him. I was blindsided. I have no idea what I did. I have been racking my brain all day to figure out what I've done. My heart is broken & I have cried until I can't cry anymore. My husband doesn't understand what it is to a mother to know her kids hate her. I will pray for you all, please pray for me.

Hi Lola,

I am very sorry. I understand your pain. I don't understand why people are mean to or abandon others. Maybe God uses others that we don't know to help ease our pain. It is especially painful when it is your children. I don't have the answers. I know that it hurts though and at least you can know that others are in the same boat as you. My son is mean to me. I think that I gave him too much. See even if you have a lot of money it doesn't help.

I will pray for you Lola but remember you now have a new friend... me.

Bella