My boyfriend and I were together for three years. We had a lot of bad fights and immature moments. While we were together, we never cheated on each other. We had a bad car accident and then he moved to Florida about 3 months ago. He said he slept with one girl while he's been down there and never called her or saw her again. His family HATES me and he said that's why he left me. He now wants me to come down to visit him for a week and says that that's what his heart wants. I just can't help but feel like he's using me. I know he loves me but I fear that our problems from the past will never completely be forgotten and that his family will never accept me. I love him more than anything in the world. I had a bit aof a drinking problem, in that id get nasty and a little out of control when I drank. The goal would be to go there without his mom/family around and not drink and see how things go. I just don't know if I could take the heart break of it not working out again. He seems to be doing A LOT of partying and Im looking to settle down and enjoy life less all the craziness, he is going to be thirty this year I'm hoping he's ready to slow down! :(

When he moved to Florida did you two break up or was it a long-distance relationship? I only ask because I would be concerned if he cheated on you.

It's hard to say what his motives are because all I can see here is that he's torn between his family and you, and he wants to see you for a week. Does he say anything about what happens after that week or what the goal of that week is? For two people with a history like yours I would think it's important to define why you're visiting him: is it to see if you two still have the same feelings for each other and want to try and work it out with his family? Is it a booty call? Is it for "closure"? From what I can understand of your wants and expectations, you shouldn't settle for anything other than option one. I think you need to speak with him more to find out what the status of this "week long trip" is.

He says to work things out and that well se how it goes and take it from there. I'm supposed to go in two weeks and he's moving back by me from may till August and that if it goes well then I'll be going with him permanently. It's just once he's here for the summer he'll be staying at his parents and his mom hates me. He said he never wanted to leave me and he shouldn't have listened to her, what if she changes his mind again?? He seems so easily persuaded and yea we've been broken up since he left and slept with that girl, I'd imagine he's slept with and hooked up with many others, but he still wants me, is that at least a good sign! Lol I'm so scared! My car accident was really bad I'm finally able to walk again and I've dealt with so much these last few months, I really need the love, and I always thought we'd be together forever even with our somewhat dysfunctional past! Thanks for your help!! :)

I don't think he's using you :)

Maybe you could really try to see eye-to-eye with his mother. Have you ever tried to sit down with her and figure out what her conception of you is? I'm sorry to hear about your bad car accident and hope you recover well!

He sounds like a very immature thirty.

You need to get some serious honest communication going.

Is he up for that?

I'm glad you are recovering from your accident and I hope you have friends and family who stand by you.

I think you sit tight, and let things develop into a much clearer picture. He may not be playing you, but its clear a better communications is needed, and this trip is rather impulsive way to be together, given all the problems that are yet unresolved.

I think you stay where you are, and do your healing, and see where communicating leads you, since he will be coming your way any way, later.

You have already had a preview of how things were, and you have some serious issues to deal with from the past, so talk now, and see what happens before you jump back into the fire.

You have to get on the familiy's good side ;) then, try to have a relationship with him, because he clearly does not seem to have any say in his life's decision. Definitely a follower.

Good luck,

Javi

Thank you guys so much. After today, I'm not so sure how much he loves me, but I know how much I love him. Guess that doesn't always matter. I've never been in love before. I don't really know how to be myself. I feel like I always have to be perfect or he'll leave. Maybe it's just in my head . I just know that no matter what the situation, I'd never leave him! It hurts just knowing how easy for him it is. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I feel they're obviously just cases of immaturity and him walking away instead if facing our problems, seems to make it worse every time. :(

You don't have to be perfect,none of us are and you deserve to be loved for who you are.

A relationship should be about love,honesty,loyalty,sharing your lives not only when everything is hunkey dorey but during the bad times as well.

Does that sound like he is part of such an equation?


If you don't know how to be yourself,I think you need to take some time out and find out WHO you are,what you want from life and where you want to be.