Just found out I'm a step mom to a 5 yr old boy... One concern of mine and my husbands is that his son's step father is a 2x felon. Even though we live in different states, is there a chance we could get some type of custody? The mother doesn't want my husband involved in any way; we just have to pay child support and health insurance. No other contact is allowed. Hummm. This doesn't sit well with me... Any ideas? I know life is not fair but hope that there is a way my husband can be a part of his life. I don't want to be a bank to this woman.

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Originally Posted by ginasalza

Just found out I'm a step mom to a 5 yr old boy... One concern of mine and my husbands is that his son's step father is a 2x felon. Even though we live in different states, is there a chance we could get some type of custody? The mother doesn't want my husband involved in any way; we just have to pay child support and health insurance. No other contact is allowed. Hummm. This doesn't sit well with me... Any ideas? I know life is not fair but hope that there is a way my husband can be a part of his life. I don't want to be a bank to this woman.

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Until the court orders child support and health insurance, your husband doesn't "have" to provide anything - and I certainly wouldn't until a DNA test has been done establishing him as the biological father.

Why is he not allowed contact with the child? Is this court-ordered or is it something the mother decided?

The DNA came back positive last week. He has discussed the "what if's" with the child's mom already. He told her he would provide insurance and support if it is his... and it is... Court is next month so I don't think he will do anything until then. She lives in Fl and we live in NJ. She doesn't want the child to get confused on who his father is since they never met. I don't agree with this at all. I feel it will cause bigger issues later on. Such a loss for my husband and his son. I don't think he should let her be one in charge... She just wants money.

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Originally Posted by ginasalza

The DNA came back positive last week. He has discussed the "what if's" with the childs mom already. He told her he would provide insurance and support if it is his...and it is... Court is next month so I don't think he will do anything until then. She lives in Fl and we live in NJ. She doesn't want the child to get confused on who his father is since they never met. I don't agree with this at all. I feel it will cause bigger issues later on. Such a loss for my husband and his son. I don't think he should let her be one in charge... She just wants money.

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Was the DNA test court-ordered, or was it a home kit? If it was a home kit, the results aren't admissible and a new test will have to be done under court supervision.

If she didn't want the child getting confused, she probably should have been upfront and honest with everyone in the beginning.

I think your husband should request joint legal custody, as well as holiday and summer visitation with the child. The courts will order him to pay child support and most likely that he cover the child under his health insurance. However, the mother cannot just steamroll him and say she wants the money but not for the child to have a relationship with his father - the court won't go for that.

The DNA was court ordered; done by Labcorp. Do you think she should be responsible for brining the child back to NJ from Fl so that they can have supervised visitation in the beginning? I think so. When she found out she was pregnant he was going to marry her but then he found out she was still with her exboyfriend. She then told him it wasn't his so they went separate ways... Until now of course. I agree with the summer vists too and I feel that she should be responsible for all costs on transportation for that... Is that possible for a judge to order?

You are going to find the courts not always agreeable to who pays and how children are transported, Some of the issues will start with how lived where when, who first moved away from the other ( if they ever lived in the same area)

Next him being a felon unless he is a threat to the child has little to do with the court case of custody.

Most likely the costs of transport will be split between the two of them. But the parent who moved away ( if one did move away) may be the one the court has pay for the transport

Should we be concerned that the stepfather spends a lot of time in jail with non payment for his child support? He is a felon and has some misdemeansors. What happens when the mother has run out of money to support all three of her kids. Also, one of them is autistic and she currently has no health insurance for them. Should I be concerned on sending her my insurance card? I'm nervous that she will try and use it on the other children or even for herself. If so, is this insurance fraud?

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Originally Posted by ginasalza

Should we be concerned that the stepfather spends a lot of time in jail with non payment for his child support? He is a felon and has some misdemeansors. What happens when the mother has run out of money to support all three of her kids. Also, one of them is autistic and she currently has no health insurance for them. Should I be concerned on sending her my insurance card? I'm nervous that she will try and use it on the other children or even for herself. If so, is this insurance fraud?

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You can't use the stepfather's "deadbeat" status as leverage in your case. It has no bearing on your husband's ability to be a good father to his child.

If she tries to use the insurance card for anyone other than the named individuals, it might be "considered" fraud but the insurance company isn't going to pay the claim because that individual isn't covered by the policy. You have nothing to worry about in sending her the card. If you're really not comfortable, you can always request that she mail you a copy of any bills for the child and then you or your husband can contact the provider directly and provide your insurance information.

Additionally, I'm concerned about your first thread which was also about this topic. In September, it seemed your primary concern was having to pay child support; you even posted:

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Are there any ways that I can protect myself from this child getting money from me?

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Now you're pushing for your husband to see the child, but not unless the mother pays for the transportation costs.

Please realize that while she may have told him 5 years prior that it was not his child, he is still partially responsible for this mess. If he knew he was having sex with her around the time she conceived, then he should have made an effort to have a paternity test done 5 years ago. He knew she was pregnant; this wasn't a complete shock to him.

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Originally Posted by ginasalza

... Should I be concerned on sending her my insurance card? I'm nervous that she will try and use it on the other children or even for herself. If so, is this insurance fraud?

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Certainly it would be fraud, but what do you care? If you are concerned, however, don't send the card. Just advise her to have the health care providers contact you directly. They will probably want her to sign a HIPAA waiver, allowing them to talk to you. That way you and your husband will have a way of knowing about the health of the child.

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Originally Posted by ginasalza

Should we be concerned?

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Hello g:

Yes, you should be concerned. But, you're creating a situation for yourself that you don't even know exists...

Ok, he's a felon. There's lots of us around. Some of us are good fathers. BE concerned, sure, but don't assume he's a bad father... Yes, she's not a wonderful person, either... But, there's lots of not so wonderful people around.. BE concerned, sure, but that doesn't mean she's going to RIP YOU OFF.

You are going to have a relationship with these people for the next 15 or so years. I'd at least TRY to assume the best until proven otherwise. That doesn't mean I think you should send her your credit card or your insurance card.

excon

Of course I was concerned that I would have to pay child support back in Sep, in my first question in this siutation. Why would I want to pay for a child that may not have been my husbands... Anyway, it doesn't matter now that we know the truth. DNA doesn't lie.

I'm not trying to create an issue with the health insurance but it just seemed odd that she is more concerned with his health insurance than anything else. She doesn't want the stepfather to adopt him and also doesn't want my husband to be his father... So what's the point in disrupting everyone's life? MONEY!

Sorry EXCON, things happen to good people. That I do understand. Just don't wany myself to get tangled up in something that I can prevent. I'm looking out for my own children and their future..