I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4years. And for a while I would constantly ask about what he did with his ex. He lost his virginity to her but they only dated for like a week. She won't stop drinking and cheats on him. Then me and him date and we have been ever since. Recently he tells me about more stuff they did... like doing it in his truck and other stuff. I have always wanted to do stuff like that but for some reason I just can't let myself. And its stupid because I feel that her being so adventurous makes me look dull.I mean guys like when girls want to do them in public places. So I feel like she has one upped me. I mean I have been with him longer so I've done way more stuff than that with him but still. To add to my insecurities I was sick about two years ago and he while I am away gets her number and texts her. Because she use to be this crazy party person and not he heard she settled down and wanted to see why she changed for the guy she is with but not for him. But he didn't tell me I found out and really felt like it made me look like I was a fool. This guy is my first sexual partner. I do love him. But I can't stop thinking about all this. And he has mentioned lately he wants me if I'm interested to do a threesome with another guy. He thinks its hott and he thinks I need to be with another person besides him so I won't regret it later in life only being with one person. Any advice? On anything I have said?

Is this what you want?

First sexual partner, and she asking you to do all this, I'm very concerned.
Just be absolutely certain that you don't do anything you don't want to do, you have to really want it..

In your situation-you need to make sure that whatever you do is okay for YOU. As long as he isn't pressuring you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, then I don't think it's a huge concern.

As far as the ex-girlfriend goes, he dated her for two weeks and you for four years. If you were inadequate to him compared to the ex, I think that would have come out earlier. I understand you feel sized up, but it seems like you're the only one doing the sizing up. Trust me, I know how that feels-I used to do it all the time. But you need to realize that they broke up for a reason; you and he are still together because it's working for him obviously a lot more than the two week relationship.

If you are uncomfortable with him talking to his ex, you should talk to him about that. Sometimes people want to keep in contact with their exes to follow up on their life, but he shouldn't be keeping that from you. If it's a source of insecurity he should be aware of that so he can explain things and dispel the insecurities.

At the end of the day, make sure you don't go further than you're comfortable and keep communication clean.

Breezy, how old are both of you? I am hesitant to give advice on the sexual aspect of a relationship without knowing how old the parties are.

Quite frankly, there seems to be a lot missing if he only dated her for 'like a week' and 'She won't stop drinking and cheats on him' (that sounds like a longer relationship.) Then two years later (while dating you), he is still wondering why she changed for someone who she is in long term relationship with, but not for him who she apparently had no more than a sexual fling with. Or was he looking to hook-up with an old playmate when the newer one was indisposed?

I get the impression that you have created a good deal of your own insecurities, however, I am also getting the impression that he may be manipulating you, too. I am wondering how many of his stories that he is now bringing up are to get you to do things he wants because you see yourself as being in some competition with her.

You shouldn't feel like you are competing with an ex in any way. If you are causing those feelings in yourself, look at healthy ways you can put a stop to those thoughts. Asking him about her and changing yourself to fit a fictional ideal are not healthy. If he is telling stories about her and insinuating that maybe you could do or be more like her, put a stop to it.

Be yourself. Take care of yourself.

Thanks I am 23 he is 24. I started dating him when I was 21. He says I have no reason to feel like I need to out do her because I have in many ways. I mean I may not be seducing him on the side of the road in a vechile but I've been with him and have done a lot more with him. And in maturity I have been through some of his hard times and stood by him and his family. I just get insecure because I am still young I guess I think that's what guys like you know the whole public thing, but I never could do that id get scared and well I live in a small town and don't want to ruin my rep you know? He doesn't really talk about her. I ask because I some reason I want to know. He has not talked to her I don't think in a few years since that one time I found out. And she is about to get married. And yeah it was more of a fling to her I know but it was his first. About the threesome. I'm not sure I'm comfortable. All I ever wanted was normal stuff... so when I get to thinking about me and him and another guy I don't know . I'm not one to be pressured into anything. I don't really know what I'm asking. I just wanted someone to talk to I'm kind of too embarrassed to talk to my close friends about this stuff.

First rule.. It's your body.. you choose what happens to it. If you're not comfortable doing something, then quite simply..

You don't.

Second. Not 'all' guys like 'doing it' in public. Some like the intimacy and not wanting to share his 'wares' in public same as women. Given his suggestion for a threesome, it would appear he is a lot more open to exploring his sexual needs / desires / fantasies.

Thirdly. Stop comparing yourself to her or to any other woman. The fact that you 'out do her' in many ways.. should have you snorting and going 'you're damn right I am and then some'.

At the end of the day stop trying to be someone you 'think' he wants and be who you want to be. Don't try to live to his expectations, expect him to live up to yours. Take pride in yourself and in your body. Its your temple. Make him work for it. If he's not willing to put in the hard yards to be your man.. he isn't worth it period.

What he did before doesn't matter.

After 4 years, I would hope you do your thing OK, not sure why you are obsessed with that.

"To add to my insecurities"...

That's it right there.

Happy & lasting relationships are built on communication, honesty, trust and the willing to grow as a couple. Sex & intimacy included. If there's a problem in bed, then work it out. And that's with talking. Things most guys hate. Hehehe...

But it sounds like this is all in your head.

Instead of thinking how you don't live up to things, think how much YOU rock.

Stop comparing yourself. Be confident.

Maybe he takes your curiosity as a sign you are as freaky deaky as he is, and you should make sure he knows for a fact that you prefer "normal stuff", and not the wild open stuff. Be very direct when you communicate or he will get a lot of wild ideas. Nip what you don't like in the bud.