Hi.

Married 1 month now. Lol
Im 28 she is 23.
My wife told me yesterday that a dude came up to her and started flirting with her. And that she finds him extremely sexy and appealing.

She then proceeded to tell me, that he made her feel good. Which I can understand, women like it when men flirt with them. But despite knowing or thinking there is no harm, I mean she trusts me enough to tell me these things. I still got extremely agitated. And we started having a fight. Well not really a fight.

I told her it's a slap in my face. This dude comes, makes a pretty smile and tries getting her number. And she liked this and feels good. Meanwhile I pour her baths, make romantic dinners and buy flowers but not once, ever has she told me I make her feel good.

What gets me worked up even more is the dude works like next to her. And the way she smiled and glowed when telling me about him is enough to make me want to call my lawyer and rather get the divorce over and done with.

Please don't merge with my previous threads.

Quite frankly she should have kept this information to herself. I guess the only reason she told you about it was to see what kind of reaction she got. If you are thinking of divorce (I really don think you are, kind of extreme for this) then she got more then she bargained for and should know about it.

Yes, we like to be flirted with but it doesn't mean anything ever comes of it. Flirting is an art and usually quite harmless unless you are immature and read too much into it. It is not meant to be like that but if this guy knows she is married, then he should not be flirting with your wife.

Tick

Not as revenge but as a way to show her what it feels like, go flirt with a pretty girl. Tell her how good it felt. If it leads to a breakup, so be it. If your wife is doing this after one little month, the marriage is in trouble anyway. She seems to need far too much new excitement, and to create jealousy, instead of appreciating the nice love that comes with the comfort and joy of knowing each other.

Hi.
Thx for the feedback. I talked to her again about this. And explained how I perceived her comment about her feeling good. She the explained to me that what she meant was, she felt good knowing that she is married and has a husband who loves her a lot. Made her feel good when the dude flirted with her.

And no I'm not really thinking divorce. I just blow stuff out of proportion sometimes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LJDK

And no im not really thinking divorce. I just blow stuff out of proportion sometimes.

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I figured that out already. Some good backstepping on her part though; after of course, she saw that you were really upset about her comments.

Glad you got that sorted.

Tick

The fact that they are flirting and she tells you that she find him very sexy, would have pissed me off, not so much the flirting but those things combined!

I can handle the fact that she told me he is super hot. What got / gets to me is the fact that she said it made her feel good.

I mean there are a lot of girls I see and think they are hot. And we kind of have this agreement if she sees a hot dude she must point him out, and vice versa. Obviously this is not what I had in mind at the time of saying this crap.

It makes us girls feel good to be flirted with, even if we are married. It's not a slap in the face to you in any way, shape or form. You see, many of us feel that once we are off the market, so to speak, we are no longer attractive to anyone other than our husbands. When we get that little flirt, it just makes us feel good for a moment or two.

It has nothing to do with our husbands, or whether we are going to cheat. It just feeds our ego for a minute, then it's gone. We know who loves us, we know who's bed we are going to sleep in.

Rest assured, she loves you or she wouldn't have trusted you enough to tell you this.

Since you asked not to have your threads merged, I won't, but if you go back and read them again, you would see a pattern emerge that shows a very low tolerance for any kind of stress.

Do you think you may be overly sensitive? Or are you both a bit restless, irritable, and discontent.

You know that many of us think that all we have to do is don't get high, and we are cured, but it doesn't work that way. We must be rebuilt and retrained from the bottom up because for years we never coped well with our reality, and now all of a sudden, without our crutch, we have to face ourselves, and our problems.

As I see it guy, you and your lady have both been through hell, and many of the old habits, and thought patterns, and behaviors, are still there. It takes years to wipe away what has become an automatic reaction, and replace it with a more practical coping strategy. It took years to get the way you were, and it will take years to get over it.

I have told you before about the dangers of sudden, and rapid change on people who are still suffering the effects of bad choices, and I tell you now, get some guidance, and facts for you both to learn the coping skills that defines rational thoughtfulness. I am convinced that yourself recovery has a few flaws, and glitches that have to be addressed, and nether you, nor her have the skills to address them.

I don't think there can be peace until you get some facts to know what you are dealing with, and the right ways to cope with them. You need the guidance brother, so get some. Sometimes a little help can go a long way, and the help is out there.

Only then can you have the self awareness to understand, and control your own feelings.