I'm not sure whether I have been phsically/emotionally/sexually abuse? Help.
For a year and a month I have been with this guy since feb.2 2010 I was 14 at the time when we got together and now I'm 15. He is much older than me 5yrs older. Things have been really bad. In the beginning things were fine, then we broke up. We broke up because I was sick for 2 weeks and didn't see him, and around that time he started hanging out with girls and liked them. I would get mad because, I was feeling better and he pretty much didn't want anything to do with me :( so he would get mad and be like "stop doing this" his fav word he says all the time. Stop *****ing at me, you make it seem like I'm not allowed to hang with friends." when that wasnt the case i wanted to see him and he didnt want to see me. so we argued and fought then we worked things out for a bit and i lived with him for the whole summer. we fought constantly day and night i would tell him things that bugged me and it was always like he would keep talking me out of it. like when i say something that bugs me he'll turn it around and make me feel even worse. he s someone who doesnt like to let things go, when we argue i try to stop it, but he always says no. and keeps it going. things get so bad i want to leave in the middle night, i would pack up my things , but now he like threatening me saying if u leave then we're done or i'll get up to get off the bed and he'll push me down or grad me arm hes alot stronger than me. things that he will say. like "why are you doing this", just top ur making things worse". Really hurt me. We got into a biig fight over something little and it was the first time something got really phyiscal. We were sitting on the bed and this was sept. and we talking about a proj I'm still in school 10th grade anyway and we started fighting and he kicked me in the stomach litghtly, and that when I didn't feel nothing like no emotion only scared, so I started crying and hyperventialating, I didn't want him touching me, or around me and he wouldn't listen so I started to like scream a little and he put his hand over my mouth and I couldn't breathe so that made me even more scared to be there and didn't stop. Every time we fight always seem like he gets his way because he'll sweet talk, and then we always end up having sex. He was first and in the beginning he didn't preasure me , but now sometimes, when we are having I start to cry because I don't want to have sex, and he says what's wrong I say nothing just hurts, because I'm afraid to tell him to stop. So I started looking up stuff on the internet and everything that has been happening is abuse and so many times I tried to tell him that he's abusive , and controlling and manuipulative because he twist my word and make me feel that I shouldn't feel that he like that when it's a fact that he is. Bascially playinng mind games I guess. I've tried leaving him so many times that every feeling I used to have is gone, I don't know how to explain it. But toinight I was there and he was high, and he wanted to have sex I didn't really want to.. but we did and I felt nothing, then as soon as he came he fell asleep and I left when I got home I was crying. Was I raped. *** someone *** help.
