First of all, my grammar is very bad.. sorry about that.. hope you can understand my story..

I like my senior, Kim. We know each other for more than one year and we are quite close. His close friends is my close friends as well. They (Ed and Dan) knew that I like him and always encourage me to tell him about my feeling. Every time I refused cause I know that he saw me as a friend only. But every time also they asked me how I know, and they sure that he take me more than that, but the only problem is religion. They always said, that Kim always talked about me, and how he always help me secretly whenever I have problem. He always there whenever I need help or when I'm down.

I like him too much, but I always know that it's one sided. I tried few times to forget him, but I'm unable to do so. Every time I will back to liking him again. One day, I couldn't take it anymore, and decided to tell Kim about my feeling so that I can move on. But I'm not dare to tell him directly. Ed told me, that he can help me to tell Kim. I agreed to this, and asked Ed to not let Kim know that I asked Ed to tell him. I told Ed, that I will act like I don't know anything so that I can face him after the rejection.

Ed told me that when he told Kim that I like him, he's really shocked, and asked Ed to not tell me anything. He need to think about this, and he suddenly disappear. Few hours later, he's back and told Ed that he only saw me as a sister. He told Ed to not tell me anything, and he will act like nothing happen. Everything will be back to normal, and case close.

But he didn't do what he said. Few hours later, he asked Ed, what should he do. He want to make me feel like he has a girlfriend, and it's impossible for him to like me back. He also told Ed, to not tell Dan and me about this.

The next day, when we saw each other, I admit that I can't face him properly. But I still try to be as normal as I could. But he is not. He asked me question that he wouldn't ask before, and became very formal. We are like a stranger who's trying to act like a close friends. I cried in front of Ed, telling him, I don't wish things become like this. I thought that it was a simple rejection, and we can back to normal. But apparently he can't do it.

After few days, we start back to normal. But not as close as before. I thought things will get better. But turn outs it's not. On Sunday night, one week after this rejection happen, Dan called me. He asked me, how did Kim knew that he knew Kim reject me? Dan also said that Kim was very angry with Dan for hiding it from him. He expect Dan to tell him everything and how he is so sad with this things. I was quite upset with what Kim did. I didn't see the reason for him to scold Dan for not telling him. Since, it's my secret, and Dan don't have the right to tell him without my permission.

And Monday Kim told me that he knew everything. He asked me whether we can back to normal, and when talk to him, please look at him. Don't avoid his eyes. He want us to be back like before. I agreed to be back like before. We only back to normal for 3 days. Again, Kim is not normal. He's creating some distance between us now. I don't know what should I do. I really going crazy. I really like him, and I don't want us to be like this. I can't accept on how he asked me to be normal again, but at the same time he can't. He make it hard for me to face him. I'm desperately want to forget him, but I really don't know what should I do. I just want to be back like before.

I don't know where can I express this feeling already. Its really killing me, and I'm tired of it. I losing my mind. I tried to make myself busy now. I need some opinion on this. Help me.

Thanks

If you are ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with someone, you have to be mature enough not to have other's do your dirty work for you.

Involving your friends to such a degree, put everybody in an awkward position.

Nobody is obligated to keep a secret, and you will find that most people don't, when it comes to matters of the heart.

That being said, the only way to recover the friendship, is to allow time. When you are fully over your romantic interest, you won't feel awkward, or like there is leftover business. When you can see him the same way you see your other friends, and not be thinking about him, and the situation, all the time, you'll know that your interest in him is truly over, and things will hopefully mend.

Actually.. its not I was ready for a boyfriend.. but when I agreed for Ed to tell him.. I was expecting to be rejected cause I want to move on.. but I dun want tell him my own.. since I think things will be more awkward later.. and I thought if Ed do it for me.. it will be a simple rejection and will back to normal.. but looks like its not going that way..

Thanks for your reply... really appreciate it.. :)

Things will always be more complicated and awkward when you let friends do what you should be doing yourself. Handling your own personal business.

However, give it time, and things will go back to normal. There will always be awkward moments, but you will handle them better.