Well I'm 15 and well.. No one in my family never really liked/likes me(was called a heartless ***** by my grandma for not crying at a funeral)... well except for my mother. She died a week after my 8th birthday. Later on when I was 9 my saint of a grandpa died.(He saved me from falling to death once) And My uncle who I loved more than my father died this summer.( I recently learned he died thinking a hated him because I never talked to him... when really whenever I saw him in that hospital bed I left the room so much to cry) All my life my dad has been making fun of me, saying how ashamed of me he is. I can't remember the last time I talked to him without arguing. From ages 9-14 I contemplated suicide a lot. I never did it though for fear of going to hell... When I got into 8th grade I made a persona/mask... happy go lucky to make friends. I can't make myself act like myself anymore... After mom died I was really shy and didn't like talking to people. Anyway after a while this persona... became me... I guess. I sort of feel like I'm lying to people since that really isn't me... I'm not a naïve outgoing person... I made some really good friends but recently... I've just felt really depressed. I can't motivate myself to do anything... this life doesn't really seem 'real'. And I was wondering... Should I just ignore this or get professional help. Any advice would be very helpful.

Hello Pyregirl,

I am really very sorry for all of you loss. I can't even imagine all that you have been through...

What I see here is a girl who HAS strength, and te will power to change. I know that you may not see it, but it's there.

I don't think that you should ignore anything.

Have you had any help since all of this has happened?

I really do believe that you should go to counseling. A person should NOT have suicidal thoughts. You ar still very young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Family can be very tricky at times. We tend to hurt the ones we love. We all at one point or another have said hurtful things.

Just because you didn't cry at a funeral DOESN'T make you heartless. People handle situations differently then others do. Perhaps your Grandmother was so angry with the death that she took it out on you. Doesn't make it right, however, she may not understand your not showing emotion by crying. Or perhaps your Grandmother is rough around the edges and you are taking it to heart causing you to believe that she doesn't care for you.

Why does your Father "make fun" of you? Why is he ashamed of you?

Have you ever asked him?

Could it be that you two are just alike that you both are head strong?

Perhaps you should have a heart to heart with him, with no arguing, no blaming, no "you did this" "you did that", just a Father and his Daughter having a heart to heart.

Life is too short.

It seems as if you have had your fill and now you are ready to pull the plug on yourself.

I really think that you should talk to someone. I see that you are sinking and you can't get out.

Do you enjoy hanging out with your friends?

Are there any activities that you would like to do?

Do you enjoy school?

We are here to help you every step of the way...